Where is my mind? ((OPEN))

Sweat. Pure Roman sweat. It had been nearly an hour in the Arena and despite the cold weather, Veronica Riley still fought on as if she had only begun. Stroke, jab, twirl… it was more of a barbaric kind of waltz of bloodlust than it was a series of self-taught battle tactics (which would probably be deemed uncouth if others were watching). The girl fought on, unaware that the day was passing into night. For Ronnie, it was easy enough to keep up with the moves and rhythm of a group formation, but she found so much more peace in working and thinking for herself. Taking orders was tiring while her mind was sharp and she could see for herself clear tactics. Stubborn and independent was not a good mix when it came to a fairly new (and newly claimed/caught in the awkward stage of figuring out how her powers worked) legionnaire. It was hard for her to take orders and so, once again, Ronnie found herself practicing after hours, by herself, getting a better feel for her axe and her own capability. Though her muscles were tight and didn’t move in the way she wanted them to (due to soreness of similar previous practices), she was still very much getting used to the new weapon. It was considerably heavier than anything she had ever used before, but having the feel of so much power in her hands made using anything else now out of the question. Since Ronnie had little else to put her efforts into, she now worked tirelessly at perfecting the art of the axe. But there was only so much more she could do by herself – she knew the time was coming sooner or later where she would have to give in and ask for help, however little she liked to do so and admit defeat.
But the next problem was… who could give her help?

Thinking of this, the confusing words her father had left her with, and the questions of her past that her recent claiming had brought up, Ronnie slashed out her anger (cleaving a dummy simultaneously) and blistered her hands. After pulverizing two more dummies, she felt her muscles swollen under the strain and the sweat streak off her forehead. Her hands burned in a fury that matched her troubled mind. But, alas, she was extremely parched and so she headed for her water in the sidelines.

This was the first time that Ronnie recognized she was alone (as far as she saw) – and that the sun was setting. There were others still fighting when she had begun. The hues of pink and orange were beautiful but that cued her in for the first time how long she had really been out there. Had she missed mass? This and other trivial questions of the like plagued her, but she pushed them aside. It didn’t really matter in respect to the many hard questions she was being forced to face in the past week. Even though things had been chaotic, though, some very good things had also come out of her week: she had discovered a new friend. He was kind and willing to help her… which was more than any other Roman that Ronnie had met yet besides her brother.
And then it came: another flashback

Laughing, a girl with bright red hair was the life of the room – a whole source of fire to ignite the souls of fearful adversaries. There were many drunk and drugged teenagers there, but everyone at some point or another was drawn to her. The enigma. The girl who hid behind her walls of secrets, but there she was at a party: not uncomfortable or uneasy, but truly living… truly being. People envied her. The girl had a whole world built around her, no one really knew who she was at all and she took pride in it. Anything she wanted – it was hers. Whatever she laid her eyes on gravitated towards her.
Pulling away from it, Ronnie felt sick to her stomach. The flashbacks came and went, but she was rarely outside of herself. It was hard to try and not think about the memory itself – but Ronnie did her best to think about what it might mean. Perhaps she was just confused. That was the girl she was back home, but did she want to be that same girl here? Was that really a genuine state of being?

However deep Ronnie was going to get with these thoughts, they were cut short as she spotted a silhouette in the dying light. Jumping to her feet, she saw the dark form of another demigod and stated, ”how long have you been here?” What if this demigod had seen her fighting? Was she even allowed to train by herself? A flicker of fear crossed her eyes, but she hid it as well as she could (which was quite well given her perturbed circumstance).

Most demigods became overjoyed with their claimings and delighted in their new powers (at least the idea of them). It was invigorating to try and master them and adrenaline always had a way of jolting your senses on the first couple of tries. However, Ronnie couldn’t help but question – why Janus? Was it a test? Of all the powers she could have had, she was forced with visions from the past and future and never given a moment’s peace in the present. Janus’ heads looked both ways. Why not straight ahead? After the confusion and annoyance with her past, Ronnie forced herself to stop living there years ago. As far as the future, that didn’t matter. She was a demigod and she was going to die at some point. Sooner rather than later. Life now, as she lived it around her, minute by minute, that’s what mattered. But it was hard to realize that that is what truly mattered with all the confusing images swirling in and out of her mind.

What was Ronnie’s subconscious trying to tell her? Tossing out dangerous memories every this way and that. From the outside, that particular vision would seem like nothing, but the girl Ronnie was before arriving at camp not long ago was a person that gave her power and was fueled solely off of it. Not that she was power hungry, but the manipulation and the mystery gave her a dangerous sort of power that placed her above others. Though she couldn’t care less about how they felt or whatever, the fact in of itself that she used to be so different made her feel stuck, for lack of a better word. To put it simply, it gave her an annoying knot in the middle of her stomach that was uncomfortable and she didn’t know what to do about it or how to make it go away. The problem was (she assumed and deep down truly understood), that she knew how easy it would be for her to go back to that and fall into that pattern again. Yes, she was living, but Ronnie was not as alive as the power made her think she was.

And there she was again; caught up in things she was wasting her time being completely fixated on. The sky above was breathtaking and the cool of her died sweat made the air around her feel just right. This was a perfect moment. Ronnie blamed her powers for getting in the way. At the moment, it felt like she would never get to live her life the way she wanted to again without gaining complete control of her new powers. Why had they never been as much of an issue before she got claimed?

That’s when she noticed the figure and called out to it.
As soon as Ronnie spoke, she stood and the figure illuminated itself into the form of a girl. The form of a shorter, cute Asian girl at that. The bright haired teenager did have a weakness for slighter girls – and brown hair in general. (What was it? The way it perfectly framed blue eyes and had a simplistic way of illuminating brown eyes?) Realizing that the girl was no threat and that she clearly wasn’t a Centurion (or worse), Ronnie sat back down and took another sip of her water. As the girl continued talking, she slipped out of her shoes only to place them by her water and walk closer to the now less distanced shorter, cute, Asian girl. How about SCA for short. It suited her. SCA was saying that she was leaving – but Ronnie was already invested – and oh, how the breeze felt nice on her sore feet.

All qualms of the previous vision and the thoughts following it were now forgotten.
”Sorry if I alarmed you or caught you on the way to something. If you are, by all means go right ahead. But I was actually calling it quits for the day.” Here, Ronnie paused for a minute. It was uncharacteristic of her to talk to, well, to talk to other people besides the ones she was directly fascinated by (or people like her new brother. Well, even though she was expected to talk to him and she valued having a friend, he certainly was fascinating in his own little ways – but that was another subject entirely). Alas, the deed was already done. Ronnie had spoken to SCA and it was now up to the girl whether or not to walk away. At any rate, it seemed like they might be walking back to the barracks together so she might as well make it interesting. Speaking (in this case; thinking) of, Ronnie then realized that she wasn’t able to read this girl yet. It wasn’t easy for her to spot a cohort. Surely not fourth… unless… ”come to think of it, I haven’t seen you around yet. I don’t get out too much and could be very wrong, but are you pretty new to Camp Jupiter?”

It was absolutely breathtaking and maybe even a little formidable how quickly the light in the sky faded. It seemed like only a few seconds ago that Ronnie was twirling her instrument of death in a bright sunset. Really, it had been minutes, but there was still an unexplainable feeling of awe when Ronnie looked around for a minute again, and realized that night had fallen.
Just like that.

Once she had approached the girl, some of the first words out of her mouth suggested that she had a laid back nature. ”Yeah, no harm at all. Where were you on the way to? I’m going to head back to camp in a minute. If you’ll wait for me to gather my weapon, why don’t we walk together. Make use of this chance, not-so-alarming meeting. To be honest, I was worried you were one of the Praetors. I have a very… different way of fighting and after blowing off most of my duties I don’t want to bring any more attention to myself.”

After her previous comment, SCA easily brought a chuckle to toy with the corners of her lips by noting the detention style. ”Agreed. That’s why I find it in my best interest’s to keep my head down… so to speak.’

‘Well, first weeker, huh? I’d be happy to give you some pointers, show you some good places to get away when the chaos of so much order starts to eat you, and help you with your weapon choosing, etcetera. Mind you, I might take offence if you decline. This isn’t an offer I give up to just any old noob.” Even though Ronnie’s humor was of the driest variety, she figured that the girl would notice it. After all, she seemed to act and think in similar ways to herself from what Ronnie had gathered so far. ”And yehh, I’m nearing year one I believe. Nine months? It all kinda runs together after a little while. Time doesn’t really move here.”

SCA or S.C.A. (like SZA, one of Ronnie’s new band interests; quite the coincidence,) was looking into her eyes. On first glances, most people looked away if they found each other’s eyes for more than a few seconds (especially if the two were strangers), but this girl held her gaze. The thought never crossed Ronnie’s mind to look away briefly out of “politeness”, but it seemed for a moment that the two were in a trance just from one look. The light of the moon perfectly found little nests in her hair to light up. However, though Ronnie assumed that SCA was finding something in her own eyes, she couldn’t see further because a full moon was reflecting brilliantly off of her eyes. Breaking the connection, Ronnie twisted her bare feet in the soft grass and turned her body to the moon behind her. It was full ((true story, go outside tonight)). It was brilliant. A halo of yellow, orange and purple seemed to ripple out of the center of the moon onto the surrounding clouds in a circular dark rainbow. ”Woah,” Ronnie stated simply. ”Hate to break the flow of introduction, but look at the moon…” She wanted the girl to appreciate it’s beauty for a moment before she turned back and said calmly, ”as beautiful as that is, I preferred seeing it reflected off your eyes.”

Well, that took the mystery out of things. It was much more uncommon these days for Ronnie to be forward, but she had nothing to lose. The warm touch of passion was one she had been craving, and Ronnie wasn’t interested in any new friendships. She had given the girl a lot of leg room. It would be easy enough for her to be ‘in a hurry.’ She could be unable to stay another minute for Ronnie to retrieve her things. Or, she could have felt something with that stare and be curious for more. Seduction by the iris was the most deadly.

As Ronnie spoke of the beauty of the sky, the cute Asian brought up the beauty of the architecture. How similar were they? Following her gaze, Ronnie saw what she was looking at and smiled. It was beautiful but something she grew to take for granted months ago. That was something she was constantly afraid of. Beauty was everywhere and immersing herself in it was what filled her lungs with life at this place – not smoke and touch, power and alcohol… but the moment she took it all for granted… the moment she stopped getting goose bumps from the starry skies (the milky way was visible tonight) would be the moment that control was lost entirely.

Torches lined the far wall. The flame danced up it, bright and alive and crackling with energy, then in less than a blink, it turned to the black of the night. The shadow of it was red. It wasn’t as alive, but it danced in the same way that the pure energy did. The past was like that shadow.
Breath coming out quickly at the beginning of her words to express appreciation, Ronnie said, ”yeah. It’s something.”

Slowly she turned back to beauty before her, and saw an outstretched hand. Taking it, Ronnie shook. She liked the warmth and softness of this girl’s, Lauren’s, hand. But her shake stopped abruptly and Ronnie repeated, ”first cohort? Well, well.” This made Ronnie think that there was an untapped strength and power inside this girl that she didn’t show outwardly. Now Ronnie was intrigued.

”I’m Ronnie. If you must know, fourth cohort, daughter of Janus Praeditos. To me, titles are of the least importance. Luckily I've never been used to being around like-minded people.”

Though Ronnie knew very well that this younger, short and quite cute Asian was only implying humor with her comment on becoming a Praetor, a similar thought ran through Ronnie’s mind: ’yeah, and the sky will start falling if I ever become Augur’. This created a lump (that felt like the size of her fist) in the bright-haired demigod’s throat. Precisely that was why she took precautions that a Centurion or Praetor wouldn’t see her fighting even though it probably didn’t matter to them. This is why Ronnie had started to become much more attentive to her duties and started attending the masses. If possible, she was attempting to do the bare minimum that she needed to do that would result in her staying under the radar and would keep her separated enough from the rest of camp that if she would have an uncontrollable Janus power vision, a make scene wouldn’t be made of it. The images she saw involved darkness, a woman in white, death, and a small boy. But what did it mean? These thoughts led to another dilemma that Ronnie was faced with: what if camp really was at stake and by keeping this to herself, she was putting the camp in more danger than it would be if she fessed up? Even though having this foresight was something she wanted nothing of, Ronnie would hurt people if she didn’t learn to control it. And that’s why she spent sleepless nights in the library trying to find a word, sentence, or paragraph that would help her. Now, she was beginning to think that there wasn’t anything out there. For the first time, the thought of trying to talk to her father came to her mind. This was something she had never even considered before. Would he be able to help her?

Physically jolting out of her thoughts, something she hated (why was she so out of it today? Right now she was being the opposite of present), Ronnie heard Lauren ask to train with her. ”I would love that,” the young woman replied, all too quickly. In that situation, she should have at least pretended to think about a reply. ”Yeah, I get you. I participate in unit training but I can’t stand parameters. Fighting isn’t something you read in a book or an instruction manual and translate onto the battle field. Fighting is…” Here Ronnie stopped herself, thankfully. That was about to take a sharp turn down hippie lane. ”…Fighting should be exclusive per person and adjusted to what they’re comfortable with - - as long as it’s effective enough that they can both defend themselves and meaningfully attack.” The last bit left her in a shrug of the shoulders. As a first cohort legionnaire, Ronnie didn’t expect Lauren to understand, but she wasn’t searching for anyone’s approval so that didn’t matter to her.

Unsure of what Lauren was trying to imply (if anything) when she was talking about where to go in camp, Ronnie didn’t allow the confusion show on her face. ”Well, that will soon change.” Ronnie wanted to voice that she would show her to the rope swing that she made by herself in order to get her brother outside for once and get a glimpse of the world from Ronnie’s perspective. But she was able to contain herself. It would prove better as a surprise.

”The pleasure is mine, Lauren.” Well okay… there was a phrase she’d never said before. Even if saying her name out loud felt nice against the back of her teeth. It was true, the phrase. If she got it right… Was it the pleasure is all yours? Maturity and prudence were things that Ronnie thought highly of, but speaking like she was sixty was something entirely different. From Lauren’s tone, the daughter of Janus assumed that she didn’t care about titles either. How peculiar! It was delicious. This girl didn’t fit. She wasn’t like the others. Given, Ronnie wasn’t either (and neither was any of third cohort, but they all seemed to fit with each other), but she wasn’t expecting it from this ’legionnaire of the first cohort.’ She must be experiencing a very similar change to the one that Ronnie had when moving into and not-so-adapting/fitting into Camp Jupiter 2.0. Most of the time she found solace on the Greek side of camp. There was much more land and places to get away from everything. After a few months of this, Ronnie had become very comfortable with silence, something she never really understood prior.

What Lauren said next caused Ronnie to think for a moment. ”Well, the places I was intending to show you are much more satisfactory in the daylight. Though,” Ronnie had no intent to pass up the offer, ”I could show you to some of the places I go at night. I’m sure you’ve been to The Sound already… but with a full moon like this, the water will be breathtaking. I spend a lot of time in the library at night – not necessarily even reading – it’s just a nice quiet place to be. Must nicer than attending evening mass. My brother and I go there often just to get away and talk or joke or, just, do whatever. But since I just finished The Return of the King, I need another project to start.” Realizing she was rambling slightly, she tried to think of somewhere else that would be nice at camp. But Lauren interrupted her thoughts by suggesting a nightly picnic; at least, it seemed like that’s where she was going with it. If Ronnie’s dive was too shallow, she was certainly eager to correct it.

”Actually, there’s something I’ve been meaning to do. Not many people go there because apparently the Greek’s stables are much more extravagant, but we have stables too. Fancy an evening ride?” Thinking of a particular Disney song, a hidden chuckle morphed into, ”sounds fairly Aladdinesque don’tcha think? We could bring food there – it’s in the outskirts of camp. It’ll be plenty quiet.”  ’Maybe set up camp on the roof?’ Ronnie almost voiced. She could already scope out a memorable evening in her mind. As she turned to see a particular glint in Lauren’s eyes that Ronnie desired to see more of, she speculated that maybe this evening would take a steeper dive than she thought. The Asian had turned her flirting around to ’hey, let’s get out of here.’ If that wasn’t a good sign, she didn’t know what was. At any rate, she seemed like a fun person to keep around even if those weren’t her intentions. It would be foolish of Ronnie to push her boundaries too quickly.

As if seeing the girl mentally take a step back, Ronnie could sense the hint of surprise on her face as the cute Asian mentioned fighting. Yes, Ronnie knew that she was different from any other Roman and that it was a terrible choice to share this information with another, a higher up one too. Huh, image that. Even though Lauren had only been at camp for about two weeks, others already viewed her as higher than Ronnie. Though the “cohort stereotypes” had allegedly blown over in the past few years, Ronnie could still see it with everyone. The difference with Lauren was that she hadn’t grown into her title yet. The beginnings of a smile pursed the demigod’s lips as she heard Lauren agree with her about fighting. Part of Ronnie had no doubt that she would, at least to some extent, but she wasn’t certain whether or not the girl would address it. But so it seemed, she continued, and further disproved Ronnie’s premonitions. Clearly standard and title didn’t matter to her either. This meant that the two of them could be free of it when they were together. That was a nice thought. ”Can’t say I’m surprised, but if I may be so bold: you also seem like the type that would fit in more with the Greeks?” She posed it as a question though the both of them knew it really wasn’t. ”I felt the same way when I first arrived. It took me a few months to get over, but I’ve long since accepted my fate. And demigods like us get a unique perspective – we have a foot planted in each camp. You’ll probably make friends as close here at Camp Jupiter 2.0 as with a Greek or two.”

Offhand, Ronnie noticed that presence had lost Lauren for a moment. Surely thinking of something, her eyes were slightly downcast. Wanting to see those deep brown eyes again that the daughter of Janus knew held some deeper meaning, she commented without thinking about it, ”hey, chin up.” Further surprising herself, Ronnie lightly grabbed the smaller demigod’s chin between her thumb and curled forefinger and slowly lifted up until she met Lauren’s eyes. ”We’re going to make tonight one to remember.” Cracking a smile, she held Lauren’s face there for a moment before lightly moving her thumb to the bit of skin right below her bottom lip. Blithely, she moved her thumb slowly left and right, outlining Lauren’s lips with her skin and painting it into the canvas of her memory. To be honest, Ronnie didn’t know why she did this or what motivated her to, but as soon as Ronnie brought her hand back to her side, she missed the softness of Lauren’s skin. After pursuing Scar, the 6’4 burly legionnaire from Lauren’s cohort, smooth and soft made Ronnie’s heart beat a little faster. Scar – Saarpedon’s skin was hard. Muscles rippled beneath her hands when she touched him, but people like Jan… females like Lauren… their taste, their feel would tantalize Ronnie’s mind for days to come.

Though Ronnie heard well what Lauren had said, she found herself mumbling, ”hmm?” Oh, Latin. It seemed so natural and indistinct that it took Ronnie a moment to hear that it sounded different. ”Indeed. Totus novus orbis terrarum.” She chuckled and then left it at that. Anything more and she could foresee them bursting into Disney songs.
Foresee.
Why did that word have to seem so bitter? It was harmless. Just that – a word. Seven letters. And yet Ronnie hated that she thought it. Though it wasn’t a serious thought, she had accidentally touched on a topic that was admittedly very serious in her life right now. When would it all be over? Would it ever be over?

As Lauren mentioned a clear sky, Ronnie tipped her head up to the stars as well. This was one of her favorite nightly pastimes whenever her eyes weren’t strained over a pointless book about bird flight patterns or zodiac symbols. Unfortunately, it seemed that her search for clarity had hit a stand still. The young woman prided herself in being able to name forty-two… no, forty-four constellations now confidently. Albeit, the book she had learned them from mostly gave the Greek names of the star patterns, though both stories were the same. Once they got to the outskirts of camp and the light faded into that of only the bright full moon, Ronnie made a mental note to dazzle Lauren with some of this knowledge.

But that knowledge would definitely be saved for later, because she could not pass up the opportunity to talk about The Lord of the Rings when it was presented to her. ”Woah wait, you’ve read it? Most people are just into the movies and are incompetent when I try to discuss the book with them. What’s your favorite part? “The Return of the King” is my favorite of the series. I know, it’s a strange one – most people think that it’s too slow.” She thought of “The Two Towers.” It was hard to find a place to start talking about that one… it was so packed with action. An inordinate amount of it was left out from the movie. ”Actually… come with me. We might as well start walking because we’ve literally burned daylight.” Turning on her bare heel, Ronnie walked back to her weapon without an explanation. Quickly, though, they reached her things and she stood her axe up on the ground. ”Check it out. Had it custom made. Most of the weapons you see around here won’t be too much like this unless you go to the Greek armory. A Vulcan kid got angry with me for toting around a Greek blade, so he customized this Roman one.” It was tall and slim for an axe. Lighter than one a dwarf would carry, but taller than both (the dwarf and the axe). The design wasn’t flashy, in fact, most of it was just carved in the wood, but it looked like something Gimli and Legolas would have gotten together and created. It had the perfect mix of elvish (of Mirkwood) and dwarfish.  

”Can’t say I’ve heard of her, but I’m looking for a new book, so I’d love to check out some of her works. Currently, I’m hooked on David Mitchell. On this later visit to the library that we speak of, I would love to exchange favorite titles. It’s nice to talk to someone about what you’re reading every once in a while. I haven’t gotten this chance in a while.”

Grabbing her water bottle and shoes, she did her best to keep them as far away as possible from either of their noses. Why had she worn them in the first place? ”Yeah, I think you’re right,” Ronnie stated awkwardly as she swished water back to empty the bottle and toss it.
Just as she had grabbed her axe, Mithrandir, and began walking out of the Arena, Lauren’s impression of Snape had her laughing, honest to gods laughing for the first time in ages. It was a sound she hadn’t heard in a long while. It wasn’t the playful laughter she and Dante tossed at each other whenever they spent time together; it was the unexpected kind that found its way out from your stomach. ”I would try and throw in a sly and “coy” comment about the probability of us actually being …up… to something, but maybe it’s a little too late for that?” So much for coming across as cool, calm, and collected.

The time passed quickly on their walk to the fourth cohort barrack as Ronnie asked questions about both Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings such as, ’who are your favorite characters' and tossing in, ”mine are Faramir and Gollum, Snape and the Ginny from the books(!), of course.” Before she knew it, they had arrived and her shoes and weapon were tossed onto her bottom bunk. Unfortunately her brother was not at his normal resting space above her. No matter. She quickly grabbed a blanket to lie out on and headed over to the Mess Hall. ”I think most everyone should be gone by now.”