Mea Melodia ((Lúthien))

Calix sat at the edge of his bed with his face in his hands. He couldn’t even begin to describe the week he’d been having. As much as he wanted to re-familiarize himself with the landscape of the camp and fall back into a familiar routine, he found too much of his past returning at once. First with Elijah. The Legacy of Bellona had reconnected with his partner after one big welcome. After that, he foolishly assumed that everything would go back to normal. It was, after all, his biggest fear. His biggest problem. The people around the camp were getting used to his presence again; he didn’t have to worry about double-takes or incredulous stares when he gave out orders. The people out there now greeted him as ‘Praetor’ as easily as they once did (and even now without much fear in their voice). The Praetor guessed that his great show of vulnerability made him seem more relatable to the other Legionnaires. But he wouldn’t let this get in the way of his job. He still didn’t expect anything less than the best from his people, and, from now on, expected the exact same from him. He couldn’t do what he did before. He’d already disgraced his family name once. That brought up something else he had experienced that week. The appearance of the mother of his ancestor, Bellona. When she’d addressed him for the brief moment when she’d been claiming Legionnaire Rees, she didn’t scold him. The Praetor didn’t hear any tone of discontent in her voice. Just a gentle explanation. As to why his blade wouldn’t work.

He looked down at Victrix, hanging off the back of his chair at the desk across the room. After he’d spoken with Bellona, Calix entered his room and stared at the gladius but didn’t dare lift it. Still with everything that had been going on, Calix hadn’t been able to clear his mind. To think clearly. And that’s what she said would help him in battle. A clear mind, a true heart. ‘One can be loyal to two things at once.’ He knew what that meant now. So with another issue out of the way, Calix assumed he’d be sailing in clear skies now. Normal. Everything normal. Until the last and most devastating storm blew in. Calix didn’t know how to describe it except: he’d seen a ghost. A living, breathing phantom. With soft lips and a melodious voice. The same lips and voice that swam around in his dreams… and very rarely now, his nightmares. Except those lips were red with blood and the voice was screaming. Or they were curled in a small smile, her voice whispering words of love. Calix shook his head, finding himself falling back into the tornado of his thoughts. His thoughts about the mysterious Melody Perdita. Calix had to force himself to call her this in his mind. She herself had made it clear that she didn’t want to be confused with a dead woman. But every fiber of Calix’s being screamed that she couldn’t be confused with someone she was. The lips. The voice. The ring. Yes. That’s how Calix knew. The ring. His ring.

A slight ripping sound brought Calix out of his thoughts. His eyes darted down to the culprit, the patchy gray cat who had decided to make his home in the Principia. Amroth. Now the creature was sitting on his hindquarters and looking up at Calix with those eyes that would usually make the Praetor smile and pick him up. Also the eyes Amroth used to try to get out of trouble. Calix looked to his bed and cursed. He’d ripped the blanket. “Amroth!” He scolded quietly and stood up. The cat ran out of Calix’s slightly opened door. Sighing, the Praetor stood up and assessed the damage. He had other sheets. He shouldn’t have scolded the poor thing. Calix went to his door and opened it fully, stepping out a little to tell Amroth it was okay to come back inside. But the creature looked perfectly content, rubbing himself on the leg of… all of Calix’s words left his throat. It was her. The ghost. The phantom. Calix almost forgot that she promised to see him again. And now there she stood. Suddenly Calix found himself worrying over the most trivial of matters, like the fact that he wore a purple Camp Jupiter shirt but gray sweats. How his hair was probably not in the best shape. But the thought that took over his entire mind was: Lúthien. Calix felt the name form itself in his throat. But he didn’t say it. He didn’t want to risk driving her away. So instead he said, “Legionnaire Perdita… Melody. Please…” He motioned toward his room with a polite smile, running a hand through his hair quickly.

After the somewhat decent encounter with her brother, Lúthien found she really did need to talk to Calix. She'd gone out of her way to make sure her brother wasn't around as she was most unsure how she felt about him. She was avoiding him, that much was certain. He irritated her and in all honesty, she had no positive feelings for him that she could recall. Just that vague sense of wanting peace for the sake of her boyfriend. She wondered if she'd ever even liked her brother but her money was on no. She'd probably just tolerated him. She couldn't remember liking many people, although several amused her greatly. Thinking back, she liked Calix, she knew that. She liked Jespice, although that was mostly amusement. She liked Scotty and Damon but neither of them still lived. She liked Míriel, the young girl she somehow remembered babysitting. She also liked Fergus but that was a different drama all together. One she'd probably have to resolve rather soon. But right now fixing things with Calix was her main priority.It was the most important thing, for she loved him dearly. Unlike her murky and unknown feelings toward Elijah, her feelings for Calix were clear and every single memory that returned assured her of their love. Of the bond they'd once shared.

She walked into the principia, already assured that Elijah wasn't around. She smiled in relief she'd checked that well enough and stood in the space for a moment, staring at the door she knew belonged to Calix. How long had it been since she'd walked out, promising to see him in the morning only to disappear in the night, leaving behind nothing but nightmares. Lúthien traces one of the scars on her arms for a moment. What had she become if not a monster? She didn't deserve his love and yet she was here to claim it. She'd made the wrong choices, just like any other person could. Was Pluto still after her? Did he know she had returned to camp? What retaliations were still to come after she'd left everything she loved behind to pay her debt with her life? Still he hadn't taken that, he'd taken her beauty, most of her memories and given her so much to worry about that she doubted the possibility of ever being any kind of care free again. Then again, had she ever truly been free of cares and worries? She doubted it, if hatred had been able to make such an impact on her. If hate had managed to steal her away from the one person she loved more than anything in the world.

The door moved and a fairly young cat ran up to her, rubbing up against her legs. Lúthien smiled as she vaguely remembered the kitten Jespice had given her all that time ago. "Hello Amroth." She said lovingly, picking the cat up and nuzzling him gently. "Did you come to welcome me home?" She asked lovingly, scratching her cat behind his ears. She looked up from her cat to see Calix standing there. He'd obviously been taking care of Amroth, something Lúthien was grateful for. She looked at his purple shirt and grey sweatpants and her heartbeat sped up and got stronger. Her one true love, her soulmate. She carefully walked forward, looking at his emotions running through those wonderful eyes of his. She smiled as he respected her wishes, her personal space. Melody Perdita, yes, that was as much part of who she was as Lúthien Anárion. Yet Lúthien knew who she was and wanted to close the distance. She walked up to him and smiled, gently putting Amroth down. "He remembers me." She said, giving him a kiss on the lips, although it didn't last long. "And I remember you." She said, smiling brightly at him before taking up a spot on his bed, looking around the room with a slightly pained expression. She whispers warm and tenderly, "Please come back to me..." Within her heart, it was all Lúthien hoped for, wished and wanted, for Calix to come back to her, even after everything that happened to her. That he could forgive her.

She picked up Amroth and cradled him in a loving and gentle way. The cat, who was generally amiable to everyone he met melted completely into her arms, purring and nuzzling as if Calix hadn’t given him any sort of affection in the last three months. The thought almost made Calix frown if it not had been for the girl standing there in front of him. She walked closer to him. Calix stayed where he was, thinking that she would go in his room and wait for him so they could talk in there. That is what she wanted, wasn’t it? Just to talk? He stood there, trying to clear his mind and not let any thoughts of the past get in the way but also to try to find a way to bring up the topic of his lost lover and the uncanny resemblance between them both. But it turned out that he didn’t have to. Melody came right in front of him, smiling at the fact that Amorth remembered her. Calix’s heart sped up. And it stopped when she kissed him. Granted, it was a short kiss, as short as the one she gave him on that small hill near the outskirts of camp, but it still had an amazing effect on him. He stood there, shocked, speechless as she entered his room and took a spot on his bed. For a second, Calix remained standing a foot outside of his own room, one hand coming up and brushing against his lips. Like a man in a dream, he walked into his room.

He saw a familiar sight, and his mind flashed back to a simpler and happier time where he could approach that girl sitting on his bed and kiss her. Hold her and just talk. He came back to reality but still with four words still ringing in his ears. And I remember you. He turned those words over in his head, trying to figure out if they could be misconstrued any way. But the meaning was as clear as daylight. Amroth remembered her, and she remembered him. Calix really hoped that his habit of going to the Arena to train and get his heart working was enough to sustain him. He feared that sometime within the next half hour, his heart would stop and not start again. Thankfully it began to beat again this time but slowly, its beat speeding as took step by step closer to her. He saw the pain in her face and heard her whisper. There wasn’t anything Calix couldn’t hear. And her words brought out emotions in him. Emotions he hadn’t felt in months. Calix stepped in front of her and took her hands. He knelt in front of her looking into those eyes. It had to be. It must have been .It was. Calix leaned up and kissed her, properly. One hand went behind her neck to pull her close into the kiss while the other intertwined his fingers with hers.

Calix broke away and kept his forehead pressed against that of his lover. And he smiled. Full-out, teeth-bearing smile. He chuckled lightly and kissed her again but shorter and sweeter. The hand on her neck caressed her cheek. “Mea melodia. Lúthien.” By the gods it felt good to say her name again. “Why would I come back if I never left? I never left you, my love. I would never leave you.” His voice was low with emotion, every syllable filled with truth, threatening to break. He glanced down and took a deep breath, trying to make sure that didn’t happen. He had stay strong for Lúthien. She had already been through so much. His eyes caught hers again, and he smiled. Amorth chose that moment to walk between them, yearning to be cuddled. Calix laughed and picked him up, sitting next to Lúthien and setting the cat on the bed as well. He took Lúthien’s hand once more and just… stared. He couldn’t believe it. “Lúthien…”

At least the cat was pleased to see her. Lúthien smiled at the little creature and showered him with kisses, almost purring back at the creature. She was happy that Amroth greeted her like he'd missed her as it ensured her she was who she believed to be. Cats didn't rely on sight as much as humans did and the odds she smelt, sounded and looked the same were extremely small. She was glad Jespice had bought her the cat, as he gave her something to be sure of who she was. Of what she was. She knew, after several months, that she'd found her home. So she took the kitten into the strangely familiar room of Calix. She looked around and not a lot seemed to have changed. It still smelt the same, like Calix and metal and some things she never could place. But it was home, it was where she belonged. She smiled and watched Amroth walk around the room as if he owned it. It all looked natural but she knew something had to be done before things went back to normal. Talking about everything that had happened.

Calix was thrown off guard by her behaviour, that much was obvious. Lúthien didn't mind though, she'd taken her sweet time to adjust her thinking to the knew knowledge. He took up a spot on the bed and Lúthien waited in silence. He took her hands and Lúthien felt the warmth in them. Her heart filled and sang with joy and hope sparked again. Still she waited patiently as her heart raced as if it tried to beat all the beats it had left in these last few minutes before things would break down. Because that was what Lúthien feared, that everything would break down on her. It didn't though, because before Lúthien knew it, Calix pulled her in and kissed her. Kissed her like back in the old days, making her heart flutter and her brain foggy with joy. She felt herself getting slightly dizzy as her breath caught and she returned his kiss. She could feel tears building and soon enough they broke from their confines. She was so happy to have him back, but at the same time she was breaking down because of everything that had happened. How she thought she'd lost him forever, how she felt guilty for not remembering him. Everything she'd been keeping inside for the past months as well as the past week was now coming out in silent tears. Tears of joy mingled with sadness.

She smiled as he spoke and wiped one of her cheeks dry, although that didn't last very long. It seemed like her eyes just couldn't stop tearing, although she didn't shake with sadness while they flowed. "I know, Calix. I've always known." She muttered, her hand squeezing his to assure herself this was all real and not just a cruel dream. "I was just scared. I've never cared this much about anybody. It scares me but makes me happy. Something's been missing ever since I woke up and I finally found it again. I never want to lose you again." She said, rambling for what was quite possibly the first time in her life. She looked at Amroth and laughed softly. "I've been looking forward to this for days and I'm messing it up. I finally see you again and all I do is blabber and cry." She said, laughing joylessly while wiping the tears away again. This moment should have been perfect but she messed it up. Like she'd messed up their relationship, like she'd messed up half the things in her life. She always ruined everything she came across. Perditus. She was not just ruined, she had a talent for getting things to that state. She ruined things. The only thing she hoped was that along with all the good stuff, she'd also ruined something for Pluto along the way. She'd been on his side, maybe that had been enough for that detestable luck of hers to influence him. No matter how little that influence was, it had to be there. It just had to be. What else was she good for if not that? She picked up Amroth and cuddled with the kitten, leaning against Calix as she attempted to relax. Trust, trust that things would change and that she'd be mended. That things would work out again.

Gods she was beautiful. That thought passed Calix’s mind more than once as she stared deep into those green pools. They looked even deeper with the tears making her irises shimmer. He hoped with all his heart that her tears were ones of joy because he felt them too, welling. But he wouldn’t allow her to see them. He had to be there for her. He had to protect her. Because he wasn’t able to before. Because it was his fault. What happened was his fault. The sudden influx of sadness mixed in with the joy made his eyes shimmer like hers. He tried with all his might to hold them in. She told him that she knew. That she had always known, and that made Calix’s heart soar. Even thousands of miles away from each other, even with the illusion of death, the feeling never left. He rubbed the back of her hand, hoping to console her as she continued to cry. The other hand continued to wipe at tears that escaped, his heart, even on cloud nine, aching to see her in pain. He smiled as she spoke. Her words came quick, with no prior thought before she spoke them. Calix scooted close to his knee touched hers. They’d gone so long without a touch, without a kiss. Calix wanted to make up for it in all the ways he could.

“I know, Lúthien, I know,” he whispered. “You’re not going to lose me. And I’m not going to lose you. This isn’t going to happen again.” Now Calix felt himself speaking without thinking. But he meant it. He meant every single world. He had gone for three months without seeing her face, feeling her hand in his. It was easily the worst time in his life, even worse than when Lupa told him about the destruction of his home. Words couldn’t describe what Calix felt then, and words couldn’t describe what Calix felt now. He didn’t know how to express it other than kissing her again, but he swore that if he did he wouldn’t be able to stop. Her laugh made his smile grow. Oh gods, how long had it been since he’d heard that laugh? Calix shook his head, looking at her endearingly. She was beautiful. “You’re not messing anything up. You can’t mess anything up.” At the mention of crying again, Calix chuckled, but he felt his own tears begin to make their way to the surface. [color#A52A2A] “But I can. And I did. And I’m sorry…”[/color] He looked at her, and the memory became too much. It flashed through his mind, how he jumped through the bushes and threw himself on Lúthien’s body, shielding her from further harm. But the longer he held her, the more heat left her body… leaving him with a seemingly lifeless being in his arms.

He closed his eyes, one tear escaping. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes, trying to smile. No, he couldn’t cry. Calix had to wipe Lúthien’s tears. He couldn’t afford to make her see how much pain he’d undergone. She suffered something much more painful. Physically and mentally. “It’s my fault, Lúthien. I shouldn’t have let you leave. I felt something was wrong, but I didn’t do anything about it. And I got there too late. If I’d been by your side… none of this would have happened.” Calix remembered when he first met Lúthien. The fact that he spoke three full sentences to her was a miracle in his eyes. And now here he was. Making a speech that his father would have been proud of… if he’d said in front of the Legion. “With you gone…” ’No,’ he told himself silently. ’Don’t say anything. Don’t tell her what happened to you. It will make her feel worse.’ That was the last thing Calix wanted to do. He tried for a convincing smile. “Looks like I’m blabbering as well.” Lúthien picked up Amroth who looked pretty happy to be getting affection from two people now and leaned against him. Instinctively, his arms went around her and pulled her into a gentle embrace.