Absolution ((Jack Wheelan))

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Absolution ((Jack Wheelan))

Post by Elijah Emmanual-Wheelan on Sat Mar 01, 2014 1:04 pm

It had only been a few days after his fight with Jack that Elijah had started punching the walls.  When he felt, he mostly felt anger.  After that thing happened, the boy had come to realize that he had to keep everything in but the anger.  Once pristinely white walls were now smeared with blood.  Elijah knew how to punch, and the walls were feeling it.  As were his knuckles, raw and split and bleeding whenever Elijah as much as flexed his hand.  But none of it made a difference because release of emotions or not, Jack was gone.  He wasn’t coming back.  And that was something Elijah would have to deal with.  The man who he thought he had a future with...was so sure he had a future with...gone with some angry words.  The small boy had tried telling himself, over and over, that obviously he was wrong.  There was someone else out there for him.  And they’d find each other someday and that would be Elijah’s happily ever after.  Right now, he didn’t have much hope, but he supposed that came with the freshly broken up territory.  The words broken up didn’t even connect for the boy.  They hadn’t been spoken by either one of them.  The whole thing was fuzzy but Elijah was sure of that much.  He and Jack had both been so angry.  The whole thing was just...well, in the end, the son of Discordia was pretty sure it was entirely his own fault.  He had let his insecurities get to him...had allowed them to get in his head and rule his emotions.  It was wrong...and it had ruined everything.  And the way Elijah had behaved just a few days after Jack had left sort of cemented the deal.  As much as the boy insisted he had hope, it dwindled more and more as the days went by.  At this point, there was none left.  And Elijah knew what that meant.  It meant he had to do something he should have done ages ago.

Elijah didn’t have much of Jack’s stuff laying around.  He’d grown up in the mortal world, watching movies and TV and listening to chattering in school.  After a breakup, people would gather everything that they had that belonged to their former significant other and throw it out.  Or if they were on civil terms, they would return it.  But being at camp in the middle of nowhere meant that Elijah didn’t really have anything physical of Jack’s.  Even the socks were gone...only a gigantic blue zip up hoodie remained.  It still smelled like Jack, somehow.  And as much as Elijah wanted to hold it forever, he couldn’t.  Not in good taste.  After all the joking around about how Elijah was just borrowing the hoodie, it seemed to be the case.  ”Screw you, Venus,” the boy mumbled, untangling the hoodie from his pillow.  Impossibly soft and smelling like Jack, the son of Discordia had tied the thing around his pillow.  It was the only way he could manage even a tiny bit of sleep every night.  It was sort of routine now...Elijah would toss and turn until he fell into the right position to smell the hoodie perfectly.  He’d fall asleep for an hour or two before waking up from the dreams.  The dreams were the worst part.  Elijah would have the dream...being held by Jack.  In bed, in the woods, on the sound...it was just them being them.  But then the boy would wake up, typically hours before his alarm, trying to cuddle closer to his boyfriend before remembering his boyfriend wasn’t there.  It was just Elijah, alone in bed and frozen inside.  And then the depression would rear its ugly head.  He’d cry...and cry.  He’d try to hold it back, try to be brave and strong, but he wasn’t, and it felt like he would never be again.

As much as Elijah wanted to hang onto the hoodie forever, it hurt him more and more as time went on.  Even just looking at the thing made the boy queasy.  It was a remnant of Jack, a constant reminder that the Praetor was grasping at straws at this point.  Besides, the older boy should have it back...he had to have noticed it was missing at this point.  That thought sent another pang through Elijah’s heart.  Jack had to have noticed the missing hoodie but he hadn’t come to get it.  The son of Discordia figured that meant he didn’t think it was worth it, having to see the boy to get it back.  Everyday was a struggle with it...return it or not, over and over.  But Elijah had had enough.  He couldn’t hang on to it.  He couldn’t hang on to the hope that he and Jack would get back together.  It was time to suck it up and move on, even though the last time he had tried that it had been a disaster.  It had been too long by now, though.  His actions a few days after the fight were inexcusable, and Jack would never forgive him if he found out.  Holding tightly to the hoodie, Elijah tried to fight back the tears and the nausea.  Vale...”Goodbye...until we meet again,” the boy whispered, burying his nose in the fabric before opening the door to his bedroom.  Maybe it was all in his head, but Jack’s smell was fading.

Walking to the First Cohort barracks, Elijah tried to keep his cool.  People passed and looked curiously at the Praetor.  And he couldn’t blame them...he probably looked as terrible as he felt.  Between the sleep deprivation and little amounts of food and all of it, Elijah was pretty sure he was a sight to see.  He hadn’t even bothered with his makeup that morning, which was typically a big no-go for the boy.  It was a sort of compulsion, and Elijah just hated people seeing him without makeup.  So he kept his head down.  He didn’t want to do this.  He didn’t want to say goodbye.  But this was it, really.  A last glance at the man he loved.  Maybe that would mean some closure.  Looking either way, Elijah clutched the hoodie tight before standing on his tip-toes to peer in the window.  For a second, the boy didn’t see anyone in the barrack at all...and then he noticed Jack standing inside, directly across from him.  With a sharp breath, Elijah ducked, hoping the son of Venus hadn’t seen him...needing a moment to catch his breath.  Hesitantly, the small boy stood again, stretching on his tip-toes to reach the window again...directly into Jack’s eyes and unable to tear his gaze.


Last edited by Elijah Emmanual on Sun Mar 02, 2014 1:00 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Absolution ((Jack Wheelan))

Post by Jack Emmanual-Wheelan on Sun Mar 02, 2014 6:22 am

Eyes closed, hands behind his head, laying back on his bottom bunk, Jack took a couple of deep breaths. Everything had been such a mess lately. The son of Venus wasn’t one to let much of anything bother him, but over the past couple of weeks, everything had gotten to him in one way or another. It was all because of Elijah. He wanted to say it wasn’t, but he knew better. Ever since the two of them had fought, thoughts of his boyfriend occupied his every waking moment. It wasn’t just that, though. The son of Discordia made his way into Jack’s dreams as well. He would wake up with his arms around his pillow and the bitter realization that Elijah was not pressed against him. Only now that he was gone did Jack realize he slept in a certain position when he was with his boyfriend. Without him there, he just couldn’t get comfortable. He tossed and turned and usually ended up throwing the blankets on the floor. As odd as it seemed, Jack got too warm when he was by himself. When Elijah was with him, he had someone to share the heat with. The younger boy was so small, he could freeze in seconds. In a way, it was nice. Elijah kept Jack cool as much as he kept him warm.

Sighing angrily, Jack sat up and rubbed his hands over his face. What was he doing? What were either of them doing? It wasn’t the first time they had fought, so what made it any different? They should have talked it over. They should have sat down and figured out where they had gone wrong. Instead, Jack had stormed off. He had left Elijah all by himself because he was too angry to see the truth. The truth was that it was all his fault. He should have known better than to flirt with nymphs. The son of Venus had been getting better at reading his boyfriend. He was starting to learn when he needed to tone down his behavior and actions. So what made him think it was okay to sweet talk a nymph like that? A small part of his brain—the part he really didn’t want to listen to—told him it was because he was putting his own wants before anything else. Part of him had been convinced that Elijah wouldn’t see and wouldn’t find out. There was a reason he wasn’t a son of Minerva, and there was a reason he had never had a boyfriend before Elijah. He always managed to screw something up. He just wasn’t relationship material.

Jack wished he could say the nymph was the worst of it, but everything since then was his fault, too. He should have gone looking for Elijah a day or two after. Instead, he had been selfish. He had sat in the barrack, telling himself over and over again that the son of Discordia shouldn’t have gotten so worked up. He knew Jack was a son of Venus! He knew he had a flirtatious nature. What made this time so bad? The more he repeated it to himself, however, the more Jack realized he was just trying to convince himself of something that just wasn’t true. The mistakes didn’t end there, either. The son of Venus had been avoiding Elijah while he worked to figure things out. He usually stayed hidden inside, but he went out early in the morning to run and clear his head. He knew the son of Discordia liked to run early, too, so he had started frequenting the Greek side of camp. That had only ended in an even greater mess. After that and all of the time that had stretched between them, Jack didn’t even know how to fix things anymore.

Scanning the empty barrack, Jack shook his head. He couldn’t keep doing this anymore. He had spent the past three days in his bed or somewhere near it. He had only gone out at the end of meal times to grab enough food to sustain him for another day. The rest of the time, he had kept holed up in the barrack. If anybody would have asked, he would have said he was sitting on duty. That was what a good Centurion did after all. He was kidding himself as much as his Legionnaires, though. He was not Centurion material. Nobody saw him as a Centurion and nobody went to him with any problems. If there was an issue, they all went to Elijah. He was so much better at dealing with it all. Jack was just worthless in all realms.

He stood up and headed for the bathroom. He couldn’t keep wallowing in his own self-pity. He needed to go outside and talk to people and move on. The fact that Elijah hadn’t come to find him and that he couldn’t find the courage to go talk to Elijah spoke volumes. The words had never been said aloud, but it was clear they were done. Jack turned on the water in the sink and splashed it over his face. Looking up into the mirror, he cringed at the sight facing him. He hadn’t shaved in a couple of days. His usual five o’clock shadow was growing into a full beard, and it did not suit him in the least. The vain, beauty-oriented part of Jack said he couldn’t go outside like that. If he was going to move on, he was going to start by shaving. His razor was with his toiletries under the bed. He’d start by pulling it out, then go from there. One step at a time. Rounding the corner, though, he was stopped dead in his tracks. A familiar face was peering through the window. Jack blinked and it disappeared. He couldn’t have been imagining it. Elijah was there. He had seen him! Heart beating rapidly, he crossed the room in a handful of long strides, stopping just short of the windowpane. Slowly, Elijah’s face came back into view, and grey eyes met startling blue ones. Jack stood there for just a moment, his breath caught in his chest. Tearing his gaze away, he rushed to the door and threw it open, only to be hit with the sudden realization that he didn’t know what to say.
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Re: Absolution ((Jack Wheelan))

Post by Elijah Emmanual-Wheelan on Sun Mar 02, 2014 12:59 pm

After all this time, the sight of Jack still sent Elijah's heart racing.  All the feelings he had been attempting to hold back...the one that was the hardest to keep in was, of course, the first to come to the forefront of his mind.  Because it wasn't like the boy had just stopped loving his boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?) over the past month.  In fact, he still loved the older boy so much it hurt.  That was why he had tried to repress it.  He couldn't keep being in love with someone he shouldn't be in love with.  So he pushed it back.  Tried to convince himself that it was okay to sleep with someone else...that the walls deserved the punching (at this point, Elijah would have to repaint all the bloody parts)...and trying to convince himself that if he held onto that hoodie long enough, it would fix everything.  But there was nothing to fix.  Jack and Elijah's relationship had shattered, leaving a very broken son of Discordia.  He had thought he had been broken before...that Jack had fixed him.  Or had been in the process of fixing him.  And now there was nothing left.  So the small boy tried to hide when he saw the son of Venus in the barrack.  He had spent so long bottling up his love that he wasn't prepared for what seeing Jack would do to him.  "Pull yourself together," the boy mumbled to himself.  He had to at least try to be dignified and logical and cool headed.  But that had all sort of gone out the window when he caught Jack's eyes.  Those smoky grey eyes that Elijah had stared into so many times.  And the boy sort of just wanted to crash through the window and into the older boy's arms.  But then Jack was gone.  The small boy felt his balance wavering before he crashed from his tip-toes onto his feet, nearly knocking him to the ground.

The door was opening.  Wait...what?  His head turning sharply, Elijah saw Jack walking out the door.  Breathing deeply, the boy kept trying to remind himself that this was goodbye.  It wasn't appropriate to push your ex-boyfriend against the wall and kiss him silly when you were breaking up for real.  The boy gripped the blue hoodie tightly, the fabric soft despite Elijah's sweaty palms.  Shakily, the small boy limply showed the blue hoodie to Jack.  It had to be a pretty clear message...here's your hoodie, please stop haunting me.  And really, the boy had no idea what would happen if he opened his mouth.  Words?  Screaming?  More hysterical crying?  Elijah just had to return the hoodie.  That was it.  But it seemed like his brain (or heart, perhaps?) had a different idea.  "Can we go around back?" he asked Jack, barely above a whisper...but the boy knew he would be heard.  The small boy had no idea why he was doing this.  Well, he could think of a couple reasons.  There were some things he had to tell Jack before a "proper" goodbye.  He had to confess about his one night stand...he would definitely prefer to tell Jack that one before the older boy heard it through the rumor mill...if he hadn't already.  He wanted to tell Jack that he still loved him...and that he always would.  And he wanted to reassure Jack that he had been the best.  That Elijah couldn't have asked for more from a first everything.  There were some other things, but those were the big ones.

As he walked around the back of the barrack, Elijah knew Jack was following him.  As always, he was hyper-aware of Jack's presence.  It was an awareness he had garnered over the past year.  Even before he and Jack had been a couple.  The small boy could feel Jack anywhere.  He just knew.  Reaching the back of the First Cohort barrack, Elijah turned.  Yes, Jack had followed him.  Gripping the hoodie tighter still, the boy tried to figure out where to go from here.  He was there.  Jack was there.  The son of Discordia was painfully aware of how hard his heart was beating and the tears threatening to spill over.  He realized that if he didn't sit down, he would fall.  There wasn't much keeping him upright at this point.  No sleep, no food, no feelings.  The boy felt himself wobbling slightly before he backed himself against the wall, sliding to the ground.  Pulling his knees to his chest and circling his arms around them, the small boy looked up at Jack.  Jack, the man who had swooped in out of nowhere and saved Elijah.  But now...the boy was too far from saving.  He had seen the harsh realities of life.  This was goodbye.  This had to be goodbye.  As much as Elijah wanted it to go the other way, he was so sure that the son of Venus wouldn't forgive Elijah his sins.  There was no absolution this time.

"We knew from the beginning this probably wouldn't work," Elijah chocked out.  He didn't believe that.  They had addressed that, but they had been great together anyway.  But he wanted this to be a clean break.  "All things considered, we did a good job," the boy wanted to scream...it wasn't fair that they hadn't even gotten a full year (though they were so close).  All the time Elijah had put into thinking he was still going to find his 'prince charming' sort of vanished as he looked at Jack.  They were supposed to have their happily ever after.  Vale...”Goodbye...until we meet again,” the boy mumbled to himself.  Resting the blue hoodie against his knees, Elijah took a deep breath.  "You were the best, Jack.  Really, I couldn't have asked for a better first...everything.  You were the best...and I'm sorry I was too broken to prove otherwise," a sob caught in the boy's throat and he had to look away from Jack, the pain was too unbearable.  Not sure what else he could say to assure Jack that he wasn't the problem, Elijah was, the small boy buried his face in the hoodie, losing his battle with the tears but still trying to keep his body from trembling with the sobs.

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Thank you to all the Hillywood voters...so, so honored! <3
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Characters:
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Re: Absolution ((Jack Wheelan))

Post by Jack Emmanual-Wheelan on Mon Mar 03, 2014 11:13 pm

Jack yanked open the door and stepped outside, turning to see Elijah.  The son of Discordia was here.  He had come to talk to Jack.  Maybe…maybe things would be okay.  But as Jack stared at the short brunette, he knew they wouldn’t be.  Everything was so wrong.  They had spent too much time apart.  Jack should have been the one looking for Elijah, and he should have done it weeks ago.  He had avoided his boyfriend…ex-boyfriend?...for almost a month.  What did that say about him?  As he locked his eyes on those brilliant blue ones again, he knew.  It said he was a terrible boyfriend.  He was a terrible person.  He let his emotions get the best of him, and had become too self-absorbed to put it all aside.  He was the same person he had always been, no matter how much he said Elijah had changed him.  The younger boy may have made him realize who he didn’t want to be, but in the end, he was still that same person.  He was still a jerk who put himself before anybody else.  Struggling to put it all into words, he opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it as he realized he didn’t know where to begin.

Before he could try again, Elijah raised his arm, holding out a dark blue bundle.  Jack stared at it for a moment, and swallowed hard.  His hoodie.  It had gone missing months ago.  It hadn’t taken long to figure out Elijah had it, but the son of Venus had never once thought to ask for it back.  He knew it was comforting for Elijah to have it and to wear it when they couldn’t physically be together.  Truthfully, it was comforting for Jack, too.  Knowing his boyfriend was wearing a part of him made his stomach do backflips.  It gave him the best kind of butterflies.  And as sexy as Elijah looked in the tighter-fitting clothes, there was something adorable about seeing him in Jack’s own oversized sweatshirt.  Reaching out, Jack lightly ran his fingertips over the fabric.  He knew it would always be ‘his,’ but Elijah owned it now.  To see it here, like this…  “How did we get here, babe?” Jack whispered, not trusting his voice to speak any louder.  He had known this was coming, but seeing the hoodie made it all so real.  And his choice of words was enough to say how much it hurt.  Even now, Jack was calling Elijah ‘babe.’

Instead of responding, Elijah asked to go around back.  Jack nodded in agreement.  The back of the barrack would be a better place to talk.  It was out of sight of the rest of the legion.  Nobody would be spying on them.  Nobody ever hung out behind the buildings, either.  It would be the best place to say their good-byes on neutral territory.  They were both hurting so much.  It would be easier just to take the hoodie back and to go their separate ways, but things needed to be said.  Jack needed Elijah to know how much he loved him.  He had always been the physical communicator in the relationship, but just this once, he needed to find the words.  If this was it, he needed to be fully open and fully vulnerable.  It was impossible to hurt any more than he already was.  He just needed to be honest, so Elijah would know it really meant something to him.  Jack may have been a crappy human being, but he could make one last effort to do something right.

Elijah stopped and turned, and Jack caught his eyes once again.  Only this time, he couldn’t hold his gaze.  He tore his eyes away, staring instead at the ground by his feet.  It was one thing to feel the pain himself.  It was another thing entirely to see it reflected back at him.  It took all his effort not to turn away as the son of Discordia came back into sight, sitting against the wall of the barrack.  Jack bit his lip as Elijah started speaking, still not trusting his own voice.  Maybe once they had believed it wouldn’t work, but somewhere along the line, all those fears had been dispelled.  Elijah wasn’t done.  With his next words, Jack shut his eyes.  Hearing those words and seeing Elijah’s face were too much.  And then softer words.  Words not meant for Jack, but words he responded to all the same.  “This isn’t vale,” he whispered, unsure if Elijah would even hear him.  “This is good-bye.”  And then there were more words.  Deep words, meaningful words, honest words.  Jack tried to hold back the flood of emotion, but it was too much.  The dam broke and the tears slid down his cheeks.  The son of Venus didn’t bother to wipe them away as he opened his eyes again.  “Don’t say you were broken, Elijah,” he choked.  “You weren’t!  I never saw you as broken.  All I saw was the man I loved.  What am I saying?  I still love you.  I always will.  Please remember that.  Or…or just forget me.  It’ll be better if you forget me.  You’ll be happier if you aren’t dwelling on a stupid ex-boyfriend.  I’m sorry I couldn’t be the right man for you, but I’ll always hold onto that feeling that once upon a time, it could have worked.”
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Re: Absolution ((Jack Wheelan))

Post by Elijah Emmanual-Wheelan on Tue Mar 04, 2014 1:27 pm

As Elijah grasped the hoodie tighter, he could feel the pain in his knuckles.  A quick glance at them proved that they were splitting open again, blood trickling down his hand.  For a moment, the boy just hoped he wasn't getting blood all over Jack's hoodie.  Blood stains were incredibly unaesthetic and nearly impossible to get out.  Trying to be discreet, the boy pressed his knuckles against his jeans to stop the bleeding.  That was one "coping mechanism" (used loosely, of course) that Elijah didn't want to admit to Jack.  His violent nature that made him so dangerous...at least it was just the walls seeing the small boy's anger.  Why couldn't he be content in just handing over the hoodie?  Why did he need to talk to Jack?  Well...he knew why, but that didn't make this easier.  It made it harder.  He should have just handed over the hoodie and run.  Run far, far away from all of this.  Maybe he would join River in the mortal world.  Elijah really didn't want to leave camp right now, but if it mean avoiding the man who haunted his dreams, maybe it would be good.  Avoidance wasn't a good way to deal, though.  The boy would get his closure today, his goodbye, and then he'd be able to move forward.  He would be able to do Musters with Calix.  Maybe at some point, he and Jack could be friends.  The thought crossed Elijah's mind, but he didn't think it would be possible.  Jack would always be the man that Elijah loved and could never have.  And at first, Musters would be difficult, but Elijah would adapt.  Seeing Jack twice a day would get easier.  The boy could handle that.  He'd be okay with that.  "It'll never be okay," he muttered to himself, pulling his knuckles away only to see the blood was still flowing.

The concern about his knuckles flew from his mind quickly as Elijah heard Jack's words.  How did we get here, babe?  Elijah was sure he would break again.  Jack was hurting just as Elijah was hurting.  How could a breakup work if both sides were still in love?  "A completely illogical couple," the small boy mumbled as he glanced at his knuckles again.  They had know from the beginning.  They had been aware...but it still hurt.  And hearing Jack calling him babe.  Elijah knew he shouldn't let that get to him like it did...it was just a word.  It was the way the older boy said it, though.  As if Elijah was still his babe.  The boy was ready to go into panic mode.  He was ready to call off the goodbyes and make things better.  Ready to snuggle up to Jack and be boyfriends again.  "I just want to be us again," the boy whispered, knowing that Jack couldn't hear him.  Now wasn't the time for these feelings to come up.  The past month had proved that the two boys couldn't be 'them' again.  This had to be it, this had to be goodbye.  Elijah couldn't keep up his 'okay' façade anymore.  He had to cut ties and now.  But how badly the boy just wanted to be back in Jack's arms...

The back of the barrack seemed enough like no-man's land for Elijah.  He had never seen anyone around the back of the barracks, and he doubted anyone would be spying out the windows.  Either way, the boy felt it was a safe place to talk.  And in the open air, it would be easier to breathe.  A quick glance at Jack showed the older boy looking down.  That gave Elijah another chance to check his knuckles.  Both hands were completely split at this point, blood pooling and trickling down a little.  Even though the boy had only been holding the hoodie with one hand, he must have been flexing the other without realizing.  More blood...just what he needed, the boy thought sarcastically.  He had tried some nectar over them, which had worked perfectly, but as soon as he was punching the walls again, his knuckles turned back into the original mess.  Elijah hadn't bothered since then, and he wouldn't bother again until he stopped punching the walls.  Same with the knowledge of repainting them.  Looking up from his perch on the ground (he didn't want to stop burrowing in the hoodie, but he had to start doing this right), Elijah saw tears streaming down Jack's face.  Again, he wanted to break.  He was the reason why Jack was crying.  Further proof that everything was his fault.  Obviously Elijah couldn't stop screwing things up...he could even screw up a breakup.  The urge to curl up in a fetal position and waste away was getting stronger and stronger by the second.

"I am broken," Elijah said with a hiccup, not bothering to wipe away his tears.  They would keep coming, and he'd end up smearing blood on his face.  "Jack, I..." the boy couldn't even say it.  He couldn't say how much he loved Jack.  For the first time in their relationship, Elijah didn't have the right words.  Love wasn't strong enough.  He felt he had to show the older boy...be the physical communicator he wasn't.  "I can't just stop loving you," he finally managed over the lump in his throat.  "And I could never forget you.  You were my knight in shining armor.  You were the first person who bothered to try and fix me.  But I'm too broken.  I'm too useless.  I let my insecurities get to me and I lost you," Elijah knew it was all his fault...Jack had to know it was all Elijah's fault, too.  So why was he talking like it was otherwise?  "It could have worked," the boy said miserably, finally not caring that his body was trembling from bottled up sobs.  "It could have worked...it would have worked if I hadn't been so insecure and stubborn.  But I messed up and finally pushed you away for good.  I'll never forgive myself for that."

_________________



Thank you to all the Hillywood voters...so, so honored! <3
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Characters:
Elijah Emmanual-Wheelan & Devin Casales & Izzy Abney
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Elijah speaks in #78c7c7
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Re: Absolution ((Jack Wheelan))

Post by Jack Emmanual-Wheelan on Tue Mar 04, 2014 8:13 pm

Jack squeezed his eyes shut again as the tears continued to trickle down into his beard.  He had never felt this way before.  He had never felt such an overwhelming surge of emotion.  Sure, there were the moments when he loved Elijah so much it hurt, but he had never felt so much all at once.  In that very moment, he was realizing just how much he still loved Elijah.  He was feeling the pain and sadness of the inevitable breakup.  He was feeling the anger of knowing it was all his fault.  Slowly opening his eyes to look at Elijah, he added the deep, stabbing pain of seeing his boyfriend in tears.  It didn’t matter that Jack was crying, too.  It didn’t matter that he was so filled with emotion, he could barely keep himself upright.  He still hated to see the tracks running down the son of Discordia’s cheeks.  Slowly sinking down to the ground, Jack moved closer until they were almost knee-to-knee.  His hands trembled with his sobs as he reached out to brush the tears from Elijah’s face.  He knew he was rougher than he meant to be, but between his shaking hands and the overflow of emotions, he had forgotten how to be gentle.

“Don’t say that,” he whispered around sobs.  “You’re not broken.  You can’t be broken.  If you are…”  Jack trailed off.  He couldn’t finish his sentence.  If you are broken, it’s all my fault.  The son of Venus knew it was his fault anyway.  It was his fault they were breaking up and that they weren’t going to work out.  If he was responsible for breaking Elijah, though, he’d never forgive himself.  He would never be able to move forward if he had destroyed his boyfriend like that.  Jack knew all too well that a single relationship could change everything.  If their relationship had a negative impact on Elijah’s future, Jack would forever curse himself.  Elijah deserved so much better.  He deserved to be happy and to be with somebody who loved him.  Not just somebody who loved him.  Somebody who loved him and treated him right.  The son of Venus loved him and always would.  He would never dream of denying it.  But he didn’t treat him right.  If he did, he would have gone to him long ago.  He would have worked harder to fix things.

Jack withdrew his hands and let them drop into his lap.  What else was he supposed to do with them?  He stared at his fingers as Elijah spoke again, feeling the tears welling up with a renewed fervor.  The son of Discordia just had to pull on his heartstrings.  As if this wasn’t hard enough already.  But Jack knew it had to be said.  They had to let everything out if they both had any hope of letting go and moving on.  After all the time they had spent together, they couldn’t just give up.  They needed to know why this was it.  There was no other way.  But Elijah was wrong.  He was so, so wrong.  It was Jack’s fault, not his.  The older boy slowly looked up, shaking his head at the painful words.  “No, baby,” he choked.  “It’s not…you didn’t…It’s my fault.  It’s all my fault we fell apart.  You think you let your insecurities get to you?  You opened up to me.  You shared your insecurities with me, and you made sure I knew.  I was the insensitive jerk who didn’t pay enough attention to that or to you.  I was well aware of the things I shouldn’t do, yet I still played with your heart in the worst of ways.  I bothered to try because I fell head-over-heels for you, but I still used crappy, underhanded methods to get what I wanted.  I didn’t pay enough attention to what you wanted.  A good boyfriend would have always put you first.  I’m sorry, Elijah.”

Jack bit his lip, struggling to find the right words for everything else.  He blamed himself for the long separation from each other.  He should have gone searching for him long ago.  He should have apologized from the start rather than running away.  He had let his anger get the best of him, and they both knew that was a bad idea.  Unsure of how to say it all, Jack did the one thing he did know how to do.  He reached out and took Elijah’s hand.  He was trying so hard to be a verbal communicator, but sometimes physical touches were all he knew.  And from the number of time he had held Elijah’s hand, he knew it wasn’t supposed to feel like this.  It wasn’t supposed to feel rough or dry or sticky.  Looking down, his heart plummeted into his stomach.  The son of Discordia’s knuckles were bruised and bloody.  Scabs had formed and split and reformed.  Jack looked up into Elijah’s eyes, quite sure his own eyes were displaying every emotion running through him.  “What did you do?” he whispered.  “This is all because of me, isn’t it?  Oh gods, Elijah…Please tell me…”  Please tell me what?  Jack didn’t know what to say because he knew it was his fault Elijah had bloodied his knuckles.  All he could do was apologize again.  “I’m sorry, Elijah.  I’m so, so sorry.”
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Re: Absolution ((Jack Wheelan))

Post by Elijah Emmanual-Wheelan on Tue Mar 04, 2014 10:44 pm

Seeing Jack crying made Elijah feel empty inside, even if he didn't understand why Jack was crying, the fact that he was killing the small boy.  Jack shouldn't be crying...he hadn't done anything wrong.  The son of Discordia was the one who had to atone for his sins.  He had to come to terms with the fact that he had messed up and lost the man he loved.  This was supposed to be his closure...his goodbye.  Why wasn't it going the way it was supposed to?  It wasn't supposed to feel like this...like they were supposed to get back together, not breakup.  If the two boys were supposed to get back together, it would have happened a long time ago.  They would have worked things out quickly, rather than dealing with their month apart.  Elijah wouldn't have done all the dumb stuff he had done.  He wouldn't have had a one-night stand and spent weeks ripping his knuckles to shreds.  There wouldn't be blood stains on his walls and he wouldn't be crying all the time and just...all of it.  Things would be better by now.  But things weren't better now.  And Jack was crying, and it was all Elijah's fault.  And for the first time...he couldn't make things better.  Because even if Jack and Elijah weren't "officially" broken up, they would be soon.  Within the next few minutes, probably.  How did the small boy even begin to apologize for everything he had done to Jack?  Everything he had put his boyfriend through, that the older boy knew about and what he didn't know about.  The things he had to address with the son of Venus, right here and right now.  Seeing Jack crying, through...it made 'goodbye' feel even worse than before.

Jack was crying hard, though...just as hard as Elijah was.  And the older boy wasn't speaking too well, either.  Why was the older boy crying like this?  Didn't he get that Elijah had already messed things up too bad?  "I am broken..." Elijah sniffed loudly.  How did Jack not see that?  He wanted to scream it, try to explain to the older boy how messed up he was, how he wasn't worth all this time or energy...how broken he was.  "I always have been and I always will be...but you did everything to make it better.  And you did make it better..." Elijah couldn't keep saying how much he loved Jack.  For whatever reason, the older boy didn't seem to be understanding that.  Well...no, that was wrong.  The small boy was hit with a terrifying thought...what was the older boy saying that he wasn't hearing?  Their communication at the moment wasn't exactly too good.  What words were falling short?  Elijah let his eyes fall on Jack...the tears were too much for him.  He had to convince Jack that he was no angel.  That he had done some major messing up and he shouldn't think of Elijah as the good guy he always had been.  "You don't know what I've done, Jack," the boy whispered, trying to avert his gaze.  "You wouldn't love me if you know.  You won't love me when you know."

Elijah was feeling more and more frustrated.  Jack was sitting across from him and he wasn't listening and he was reminding Elijah why he still loved the older boy, even though he wasn't supposed to.  But Jack couldn't know that was happening...that Elijah was close to throwing himself at his boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?).  It wasn't like the small boy had ever had much control when it came to the son of Venus.  It wasn't even a matter of Jack's general powers as a son of Venus.  It was just a deep love of the older boy.  The knowledge that they'd be together forever.  But all this...Elijah could feel his mind get cloudy as he tried to sort through it all.  He could feel the chaos inside him, and had to concentrate to keep himself from radiating.  That certainly wouldn't help any of this.  He had to keep control, in a situation where he had no control.  "No, no, no..." Elijah whimpered as Jack started blaming himself again.  "You can't blame yourself, Jack...please.  It's not your fault...it's never been your fault...it will never be your fault.  I won't let you walk away until you see that.  You did everything right.  All of it, the whole time.  This is my fault...this is completely my fault.  Please...I need you to understand that..." the problem was that Elijah knew the older boy could be just as stubborn as him.  He wouldn't let Jack walk away until he stopped blaming herself, but that sort of felt like they'd be caught in a stand off (or sit off) for a long time.

And then, of course, Jack had to go and take his hand.  Elijah felt his heart beating so badly it was sure to burst out of his chest.  Because it was a small movement, one that the boy would never think much about but Jack was taking his hand.  Jack still wanted him...but he wouldn't...he wouldn't after Elijah confessed.  But when he felt the older boy's fingers over his knuckles, the son of Discordia cringed.  They were so torn up and bloody and scabbed and all of it that even the lightest of touches hurt.  The small boy couldn't as much as wash his hands without the bleeding starting.  And of course, how could Jack not notice that?  "I've been punching walls," Elijah whispered, pulling his hand back as soon as he realized what was happening.  This was the moment he'd been most dreading.  Because of all the things Jack could blame himself for, the small boy would never let him think that he was responsible for Elijah physically abusing himself.  "It has nothing to do with you at all...it's me, Jack.  You can't keep blaming yourself...I slept with someone.  I had a one-night stand.  That's why I've been punching walls.  Because I've done something so unforgivable and I can barely look at myself in the mirror," it all came out as a slight whine, but it was the most vocal Elijah could manage.  "So stop apologizing.  I've done the unthinkable and you should walk away right now," he couldn't keep going...Jack had to stop...he had to stop.  "That's it, Jack.  No absolution.  You get to leave...and you can properly say goodbye," Elijah could barely stand the thought of Jack moving on.  Finding someone to love forever.  But he had to know Elijah would be okay with that...or at least pretend.

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Re: Absolution ((Jack Wheelan))

Post by Jack Emmanual-Wheelan on Thu Mar 06, 2014 8:24 pm

The son of Venus was hearing Elijah’s words, but they weren’t fully sinking in.  No, that was wrong.  They were sinking in, but Jack refused to believe them.  He refused to listen to it.  He couldn’t keep saying he was broken.  He couldn’t continue on like Jack had been the best thing that ever happened to him.  Jack had used him in the early days of their relationship, before they were even together.  When they had gotten together, he was far from a perfect boyfriend.  He wasn’t everything Elijah made him out to be.  The son of Discordia kept talking, making it sound like he had done something horrible.  Jack shook his head, not in any sort of answer, but because he knew Elijah was wrong.  It didn’t matter what the younger boy had done.  Jack couldn’t stop loving him just like that.  Some part of him would always love the son of Discordia, no matter how far apart they were and how much time had passed.  Elijah was the first person he had ever truly cared about in that way.  It wasn’t something he could just give up.  No matter what he had done, Jack would still love him.

Elijah was telling him it wasn’t his fault, and Jack shook his head harder.  “You’re wrong,” he whispered.  “It is my fault.  You make me sound like I’m a perfect guy, Elijah, like I never did you any wrong.  We both know that isn’t true.  I didn’t always give you the respect you deserve.  I played with your heart, and I acted like a dumb, high school boy.  I could have done so much better.  My mother is the goddess of love, for crying out loud!  I’m supposed to know what love is.  I’m supposed to know how to love properly, but I don’t.  Everything has been so one-sided.  I only see and focus on one side, and you should have better than that.  Don’t blame it all on yourself.”  Jack’s head was spinning.  He wasn’t entirely sure what he was saying anymore, or if it even made any sense.  He just needed Elijah to know it wasn’t all his fault.  Maybe neither one of them could take full blame, but Jack needed Elijah to understand that it wasn’t all his fault.

The son of Venus had barely taken his (ex?) boyfriend’s hand before the son of Discordia was pulling it back with a quiet confession that he had been punching walls.  The tears started fresh as Jack gaped at him, struggling to find something to say.  Of course it was his fault if Elijah was punching walls.  Even the son of Discordia didn’t punch walls from anger alone.  It had to be caused by something greater than that, something Jack had done.  Was it all because he hadn’t gone looking for Elijah after the fight?  He knew they should have talked it over.  If only he hadn’t been so self-absorbed…  Before he could put it into words for Elijah, the younger boy was speaking again, still insisting that it wasn’t Jack’s fault.  Jack angrily opened his mouth.  How could he still believe that?  And then…and then…Jack’s tears stopped.  The anger dissipated.  He was left wide-eyed and shocked, unsure that he had even heard Elijah properly.

I slept with someone.  A thousand thoughts ran through Jack’s mind.  A few choice expletives were the first clear words that came to mind, but the son of Venus knew better than to let them slip.  There were a thousand things he wanted to stay instead.  You did what?  You’re better than that.  I thought you had higher standards and morals.  Everything Jack could think to say sounded like he was blaming Elijah.  If there was anything he wanted to make clear, it was that he was not blaming Elijah for doing something like that.  It hurt him deeply, but who was he to judge?  With his past and his own actions since the fight, it was not his place to say Elijah was wrong.  Looking up into his blue eyes, Jack began softly, “I’m not walking away until we talk about this.”  Pausing to lick his lips, he continued, “I’m not mad at you.  If anything, I understand.  I…I kissed a guy.  But please listen to me and please understand what I’m saying.  You deserve so much better than that.  You’re more than just that guy who sleeps around.  You aren’t somebody’s quickie, nor are you a toy.  You are a human being with feelings and emotions that need to be respected.  Please don’t be that guy who throws himself at anybody who will give him a few minutes or an hour of endorphins.  It may not feel like it at the time, but trust me when I say it will hurt you.  Every—single—day, I wish I would have saved myself for you.  It hurts when I think of the things I did before I met you.  I realize I’m not your Mr. Right, but one day, you’re going to find him.  Don’t make the same mistakes I did.  Hold back, so that when you do meet him, you can say you did your best to wait for him.”
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Re: Absolution ((Jack Wheelan))

Post by Elijah Emmanual-Wheelan on Fri Mar 07, 2014 2:04 pm

It was a vicious cycle...it was always a vicious cycle with them.  It had happened time and time again, though it had never taken nearly a month to resolve.  As much as Elijah wanted to hold out hope that it would be like all the other times, he knew that "resolve" this time meant saying goodbye.  Neither Jack nor him were listening, too insistent that it was their own fault, not the others'.  Elijah looked sadly at the hoodie on his legs.  Why hadn't Jack just taken it back yet?  Staring intently at it, the small boy ran his fingers over some dark drops on it.  "I think I got blood on your hoodie," he said sadly, not knowing if he had interrupted Jack or something.  What did it matter, anyway?  There would be a way to clean off the hoodie.  It was just a little blood.  The hoodie needed to go.  All the mixed feelings it brought up were too much for Elijah.  Even sitting here with Jack, the boy sort of wished he could close his eyes and wish it all away.  But he had been the one to initiate this, which meant he had to ride it out.  Know that they were addressing the problems which probably meant the'd both be more successful in future relationships.  Jack's words made Elijah hiccup back more sobs.  Why wasn't he getting this?  "I never said perfect, Jack," the boy said in a defeated, hushed voice.  "But perfect for me…and that's the important part," Jack had to know...and he had to accept.  Perfect or not, he was all Elijah had ever wanted.  And probably ever would want.  The son of Discordia had to keep reminding himself that this all came with the freshly broken up drama...feeling like he'd never love again.  Jack wasn't making things any easier.

"I know you love me, Jack..." the words made Elijah's body jerk with more sobs.  "Neither of us have been saints in the past...but that doesn't mean you love me less or I love you less," wasn't this supposed to be about breaking up?  Why were both of them giving reasons they should get back together?  Elijah's hands clenched harder around the hoodie, the blood dripping from his knuckles again.  They hadn't even had the chance to heal over.  Was this how the boy's knuckles would look now?  Every time he picked up a pen, there would be blood droplets on the paper?  Would they never heal properly the way Elijah could never heal properly?  It was a terrible thought.  Taking a sideways glance at Jack, the boy felt all the emotions explode again.  What if instead of crying over their breakup, he grabbed the older boy and kissed him silly?  It was, after all, what the boy wanted to do.  And he was pretty sure Jack felt the same at this point.  Why were they breaking up, anyway?  Elijah was rather confused at this point.  And then he realized what he had just confessed to, and Jack's words.  The small boy had thought the confession would make him feel terrible...that it would make Jack see the issues at hand and the breakup would be easier.  It had all played out in the boy's mind quite nicely.  Of course, that wasn't life...and the son of Venus's words weren't making Elijah feel worse.  They were making him feel angry.

Even Jack's start made Elijah's blood boil.  "It's nothing to talk about," the small boy hissed.  If it was anyone but Jack, Elijah would have punched their face in.  Sure, the older boy wasn't judging him like he expected, but he was saying things that didn't connect right in the small boy's mind.  "It wasn't like that," the boy said tersely.  Letting all his anger out wasn't going to do either of the boys any good.  "I know I'm not a toy...I know I'm not like that...but it was all my decision, and I am well aware of the fact that it was a dumb decision.  That's not who I am...that was it, just a poor decision!" Elijah had to hold himself back from punching the back wall of the barrack.  The anger he was feeling all of a sudden was so much...he'd been plenty angry over the past few weeks, but now, not only was he wrong, Jack was wrong.  He didn't want to talk about it because Jack didn't know what Elijah's side was like.  His reasons for doing what he did were different from Jack's past.  "I should have known you would liken that to yourself," the small boy snarled.  This was him pushing the older boy away.  This was him trying to convince both of them that there had been too many mistakes for them to get back together.  That Elijah had messed up and was willing to take all the blame on himself.  And then Jack had to say just the thing that deflated Elijah's anger.

I realize I’m not your Mr. Right...no, that was wrong.  That was so wrong.  And even though it took the older boy saying it to make Elijah realize, it was better late than never.  But it started an intense panic in Elijah.  He felt his insides squirming and the scream building in his throat.  Because that was just it.  This was what it all came down to.  There was no more pretending, no more acting like breaking up was a good idea.  Not with that being brought up...not with that being verbalized.  "You are my Mr. Right, Jack!  You are!" Elijah finally yelled, no longer caring if anyone heard him.  Heard them.  He didn't care about privacy or any of it...he just cared that he said it and Jack heard and Jack understood.  Because as much as Elijah had tried to convince himself that there was someone else out there for him, he knew all along there wasn't.  Jack was the only one for him.  And he hadn't been the one to bring it up.  “And I’m not walking away until we talk about this," Elijah said wearily, echoing the older boy's words from earlier.  Maybe there was more hope than the boy had thought.  Either way, more things were going to be straightened out than Elijah had expected.

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Re: Absolution ((Jack Wheelan))

Post by Jack Emmanual-Wheelan on Sat Mar 08, 2014 6:46 pm

Why were they doing this?  They just kept going in circles over and over and over again.  They had both walked into this knowing that a break up was nearly inevitable, but it felt like neither of them was willing to give up that easily.  They both blamed themselves, but they had been together too long, they still loved each other too much, to see any fault in the other.  It would have been easy enough to take all the blame and to walk away, but it seemed neither of them was willing to give up while the other still felt like any part of it was his fault.  Where did that leave them?  What did that mean for their break up?  If splitting apart was so difficult, why were they still trying to do it?  Maybe it was too late for an official, clear-the-air split.  Maybe they just needed to come to a mutual agreement that this was it, hug or shake hands one last time, and walk away.  With the way they were going, they would never make peace with each other.  They would never have a “happy” breakup or even a fully civil one.  They just needed to end it.

But with Elijah’s confession, Jack wasn’t ready to give up just yet.  He wanted to make sure the son of Discordia understood what could happen, and he wanted him to know that better things would come if he waited.  Jack barely finished speaking, though, before realizing he had said something wrong.  Not just wrong.  Very wrong.  He hadn’t been wearing his pendant for several weeks.  His own emotions had been such a mess.  He didn’t want to deal with anybody else’s feelings if he couldn’t even manage his own.  But now, Jack didn’t need the pendant to know how Elijah was feeling.  The son of Discordia was radiating, throwing off waves of anger and upset and disappointment and everything else that got mixed in with it.  Jack clenched his teeth, bracing himself against the waves of emotion and the barrage of words he knew was coming.  They landed heavy on his ears, and Jack put his head in his hands.  No.  No, no, no.  He hadn’t meant it like that at all.  He hadn’t meant to make Elijah feel guilty, and he certainly hadn’t meant to compare the son of Discordia to himself.  Elijah was a very different person.  He had different thoughts and different motivations, and that was why Jack loved him so much.  He was different.

Just as suddenly as it had started, the radiating stopped.  Or…it changed.  Jack could still feel the intense emotions rolling off of Elijah, but they were different.  He couldn’t say how, but it jarred him.  He had braced himself for the anger, not for this.  He could feel himself slipping apart, the hastily built wall was crumbling.  He risked a glance up without lifting his head from his hands.  Without warning, Elijah started yelling at him.  The words undid the son of Venus.  He looked up into Elijah’s bright blue eyes, his own face twisted and frozen as though he was about to say something.  How did he even begin to respond?  Everything up to that point had been so harsh, so bitter.  But that was the crux of it all.  They still both loved each other so much.  They couldn’t see themselves with anyone else.  The way they felt around each other, like it would all be okay as long as they were together…  Jack couldn’t say all of that.  He didn’t know how to say all of that.  Reaching out, he took Elijah’s face in his hands and kissed him hard.  He pressed the son of Discordia against the wall of the barrack and kissed him with all of the deep, sorrowful passion that had been building since the beginning of the conversation.

Pulling back just slightly, Jack rested his forehead against Elijah’s.  “I love you, Elijah,” he murmured, his voice soft but forceful.  “So much so, it hurts.  You still deserve better than me or at least better than I can provide, but I don’t want to give up just like that.  I’m sorry I left you alone for so long.  It was a jerk move.  If this is really it, I’ll stop fighting and I’ll just walk away.  But…you’re the only one I ever really wanted.  And I’m so, so sorry.”  Jack fell silent, unsure of what else to say.  How much more was he supposed to say?  How did he even say it?  He finally drew back, dropping his hands into his lap and pushing himself back a few feet.  He hung his head, blinking back the few tears that threatened to spill over again.  This was really it.  They had finally dug up the real emotions and the truth of it all.  They had both screwed up and made some major mistakes.  They both had things to be sorry for.  If Elijah still wanted to break up, Jack would go without argument, but now the son of Discordia knew how he really felt.
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Re: Absolution ((Jack Wheelan))

Post by Elijah Emmanual-Wheelan on Sat Mar 08, 2014 7:54 pm

This was never going to end.  Well, it was going to end, but not well.  Not for the two boys who were still clearly in love with each other.  Elijah kept trying to tell himself life wasn't a fairy tale, but the more he thought about it, the more it felt like his thoughts were being caught up in a mucky brain.  Because the two knew each other better than this.  In the past year, they had figured out how to get to each other, how to make the other tick, and then all the good stuff.  The boy suspected that Jack knew a lot about him before they even got together than most other people did at all.  And that was the part that defeated Elijah...no one knew him better than Jack did, and as long as the two of them were still here together, in a small area where they could run into each other at every turn, there was no saying goodbye.  Especially when neither wanted to say goodbye.  Or so Elijah figured...if either of them had wanted to say goodbye, it would have happened already.  So what actually happened now?  They continued to make half-hearted attempts at taking all the blame on themselves until they decided it was time to stop?  It was time for them to act like they'd acknowledge each other when they'd actually just avoid each other?  Mumble lies about how maybe they could be friends someday and just walk away?  All the possibilities were making Elijah dizzy.  He didn't want it to be like this.  Stupid assumptions about acknowledgement and friendship when the two knew that wasn't possible.  All Elijah wanted was to curl up in Jack's arms and feel like he properly fit somewhere again.

The whole thing was turning into the worst possible nightmare.  As someone who was volatile at the best of times, Elijah wasn't even sure how many emotions he had cycled through at this point.  And even for him, it was exhausting.  The depression, the anger, the hurt, the anxiety...and so many emotions that the boy wasn't even sure he had words for.  Maybe there weren't words for them at all.  Elijah pictured himself holding Pandora's box, hope flitting away inside.  But she wasn't anymore...she was dying.  If the son of Discordia didn't let go, this would go on forever.  It was so dizzying...after his outburst, the boy let his head fall against his knees...against the hoodie.  So soft, so Jack.  The boy felt his fists clenching, aching painfully at this point, surely with a bit more blood.  He wanted everything to be better...and Jack did too.  Jack did too...Elijah shouldn't have lost it.  "I shouldn't have gotten angry," the boy picked up his head and mumbled softly.  Shouldn't have gotten angry or said the things he said or done the things he did.  In fact, he shouldn't have shouted at the older boy through his door in the first place.  He should have faced Jack.  Or he should have run after Jack when the older boy left.  Why hadn't he done everything right instead of doing everything wrong?  "You should let me take the blame.  I deserve it."

Jack wasn't going to let Elijah get off that easily, and the small boy knew it.  Because that wasn't how the son of Venus worked.  Not that Elijah wanted to start all of this again.  The blame, the self-hatred...it had hurt too much the first time around.  When Elijah started yelling at Jack, he watched shrewdly as the look on the older boy's face changed.  Of all the things to yell about, this one made the most sense, and yet the least sense.  That was sort of how the small boy worked, though...and Jack knew that.  Jack knew that all too well...so why was his face so...indescribable.  Elijah had only seen that look a few times, and it was usually a sign that the older boy was about to take a page out of his boyfriend's book and do something so ridiculously unexpected that even someone like Elijah who knew unexpected wouldn't expect it.  And that was just it...because suddenly Jack was holding the small boy's face and he was kissing him.  The boy's thoughts kind of sizzled as he let Jack kiss him.  The older boy had never been the best at verbal communication, and this kiss was all Elijah really needed.  He kissed back with passion, feeling physically paralyzed but emotionally and mentally like he was flying.

As Jack pulled back and rested his forehead against Elijah's, the small boy was able to raise his hands to hold the older boy's face gently.  "I love you too, Jack," he whispered, not trusting his voice much.  He felt more tears in his eyes, but tears of happiness.  Of all people, the boy should have known that the impossible wasn't actually impossible.  "And I've already told you that there is no better for me.  So stop it," he gave a watery laugh with a soft hiccup.  Jack finished speaking before the small boy could comprehend it all, but he was moving...moving backwards.  He had gone to Elijah...and now it was time for Elijah to go to him.  Moving forward, the small boy pushed himself to Jack's side, taking the older boy's face in his hands again as he settled comfortably.  "No one said we have to be perfect, Jack.  But why else would we have each other?  I'm sorry, too..." trailing off, the small boy wasn't sure what else he could say.  "I just want to be us again," he finally whispered.  Figuring he could do better, Elijah pulled the older boy close, capturing his lips.  Gods how he had missed that...and never wanted to go without again.

_________________



Thank you to all the Hillywood voters...so, so honored! <3
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Characters:
Elijah Emmanual-Wheelan & Devin Casales & Izzy Abney
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Elijah speaks in #78c7c7
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Re: Absolution ((Jack Wheelan))

Post by Jack Emmanual-Wheelan on Mon Apr 07, 2014 10:08 pm

Jack sat a few feet from Elijah and stared stonily at his hands.  They had gone through so much in the short amount of time they had been talking.  All the words and the thoughts had resulted in an emotional rollercoaster for both of them.  Jack wasn’t used to it all.  He was always happy and carefree, and that was it.  To feel such pain and sadness was a trial in and of itself.  To have his own emotions cover such an extreme spectrum in such a short amount of time and to see Elijah go through the same thing left him utterly exhausted.  It didn’t matter what happened now.  It didn’t matter if Elijah wanted him back, or if the son of Discordia still decided to just walk away.  Jack just wanted it all to end.  If his emotions kept cycling through at the same rate, he would end up mentally breaking down.  The son of Venus only wanted to work something out with the younger boy.  He didn’t want to end up in a hospital because of it.

Time slowed, and Jack was acutely aware of his own breathing.  This was it.  He had said his bit and done his part.  The rest was all up to Elijah. The son of Venus had opened himself up.  He had let himself be vulnerable.  Everything he needed to say and wanted to say had been said.  Of course, he hadn’t managed it all verbally, but the meaning had been clear anyway.  Elijah was the verbal communicator.  There would probably be more from him.  Jack would do his best to listen.  He would do his best to understand.  But no matter what came next, it was all Elijah’s choice.  He would get the final say, and no matter how it went, Jack would go along with it.  The seconds seemed to drag on, and the son of Venus felt his ears ringing as he strained to catch any and all of Elijah’s words.  His senses were all messed up.  He had never felt so bare and naked.  Nothing was running properly.  The seconds felt like hours, but he knew he had only just moved away.

In those everlasting seconds, Jack felt Elijah moving next to him.  He felt the younger boy take his face in his hands.  Ever so slowly, he raised his eyes to hold Elijah’s sharp blue gaze.  He listened carefully, and made sure he took in and understood every word before responding.  “We can’t be just us again,” he whispered back.  “Not…not just like that.  We’re a mess, Elijah.  I want to have you and to hold you and to be just like we were, but we can’t just go back to that.  We need to talk about this.  We need to figure out what the heck just happened here, so we can properly move forward.”  Very slowly, Jack pulled himself away.  The dark blue hoodie had fallen to the ground when Elijah had moved closer.  The son of Venus picked it up and held it tenderly between his fingers, running his thumbs over the soft fabric.  It was just a stupid sweatshirt, but it held so much meaning for both of them.

Turning back to Elijah, Jack lightly draped it over his shoulders.  It was a simple action, but it spoke everything he still didn’t know how to say.  I love you.  I still want you.  We can try again.  None of the words Jack had were strong enough to explain anything he felt, but they couldn’t just go along now and expect everything to be back to normal.  At the same time, it was beginning to feel very wrong to sit in a corner of camp, in neutral territory, properly discussing everything about their relationship.  The son of Venus swallowed hard before asking softly, “Can we go to your room?  We can’t leave it like this.  We need to talk, but…I don’t want to do it here.”  Maybe sitting together in the Praetor’s room, carefully and calmly going over it all, would be the first step towards healing their rift.
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Re: Absolution ((Jack Wheelan))

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