rebounding from the pain (Elijah PG13))

Jespice was in a deep dark hole… mentally of course, but either way it wasn’t good. The son of Cupid wanted to role and lay on his side in his bunk, but of course he couldn’t because of his chest which was annoyingly not completely healed. It was probably the scorpion poison that was making the healing take so long… stupid monster. Jespice grumbled, tracing the forming scar on his chest with a single finger. The son of Cupid glances into the corner of the barracks where the gift his father gave him sat and collected dust. Throwing the little locket away was probably not a smart idea, but Jespice didn’t care. The teenager was still angry at his father… Cupid was just doing what any god would do and not interfere with his child’s life too much, but Jespice was still angry.

The son of Cupid groaned, deciding that he wouldn’t get any sleep and got up. It wasn’t particularly late, it was only five or six o’clock, but Jespice wasn’t in any condition to do anything ‘fun’. So the son of Cupid started to do what he had been doing for the past few days, pacing back and forth in the barracks. The other members of the fourth cohort probably thought he was insane by this point. 'Must run in the family' Jespice thought angrily to himself. Jespice’s mother had gone insane a long time ago after Cupid left her and Jespice’s sister, Angeline, had died. The son of Cupid would never blame his mother, though, to him it as his father’s fault. Cupid had driven her insane. Jespice punched the wall with his left hand. That hand was already covered in scabs and bruises from hitting things before.

Jespice wasn’t sure where all this pent up rage was coming from. That night with Andrew had just caused the boy to snap and his heart felt hollow. Maybe not taking rejection well also ran in the family. Jespice’s mother had always been on edge and Angeline had tipped her over the edge… Jespice leaned against t bed frame, as if all his energy had suddenly drained out of him. For the first time in a while the son of Cupid was thinking about his mother. Jespice hadn’t seen his mother since she tried to kill him so many years ago… that all seemed like a bad memory now but Jespice couldn’t help but think about it. He needed someone to talk to… maybe Calix? The Praetor knew about Jespice’s past, Calix already knew everything so Jespice wouldn’t have to explain. He could possibly ask about Luthien too… Jespice was actually starting to worry; he hadn’t seen her for days.

Straightening up, Jespice ran his fingers through his dirty hair and pulled on a pair of sweat pants. He didn’t bother to put on a shirt, his wound still got irritated when things touched it. With a sigh Jespice left the barracks and walked slowly to the Principia, a place the son of Cupid had never been before. It actually took Jespice a little while to get to the place, the son of Cupid was terrible at finding his way around camp even though he had been living in Camp Jupiter for a little less than six months. By the time Jespice finally found the Principia he had gone back to a sort of self-hatred mode. Honestly, these mood swings were going to make him do something really stupid one day. Jespice grumbled and shook his head; all he wanted to do is find Calix and leave. Without really paying attention Jespice knocked on one of the doors “Calix?” Jespice called, his voice seemed rusty like a door that hadn’t been opened in a while.

The son of Cupid didn’t wait for a reply before opening the door and he slipped into the room. Jespice stared at one of the walls “hey, is it ok if I talk to you…” Jespice asked his voice trailing off when he finally noticed who was in the room. It wasn’t Calix; it was Elijah the younger Praetor. Jespice had met him once before but only for a short time and in that short time Jespice had been yelled at. Elijah had been in a very bad mood that time and this time probably wouldn’t be much different, at least Jespice didn’t think it would be. The son of Cupid stared down at the Praetor, his eyes wide with surprise. Jespice had completely forgotten that Elijah stayed in the Principia as well. Stupid mistake on Jespice’s part. “Oh…” Jespice breathed looking slightly uncomfortably “I probably shouldn’t be here, right?” Jespice mumbled, his hand nervously tracing the scar forming on his chest and backing up to the door. Instead of leaving, however, Jespice’s back hit the door causing it to close and the son of Cupid just leaned against it as if his weight could knock it over and he could leave.

Jespice’s tense body relaxed a bit as he leaned on the door. This was the first human contact the son of Cupid had, had in a while and just being in the same room as another person made him calmer. “Praetor Emmanuel…” Jespice’s mouth twisted into the smile he had given Elijah the first time they had met “I wasn’t aware that this was your room.” ‘Elijah might talk with me…’ Jespice thought, if Calix had access to his files so did Elijah maybe talking with the younger Praetor wouldn’t be so bad… maybe it would be like talking with Luthien…

Oh yeah, Luthien. Jespice wanted to ask about her, he wanted to know where she was. The son of Cupid opened his mouth to ask, but stopped himself and let it close again. “Great, you know my sister” Elijah’s annoyed voice rang out in Jespice’s memory. The son of Cupid wasn’t sure how the children of Discordia felt about one another, but from Elijah’s first reaction, Jespice decided it might not be the best idea to mention her. He would ask Calix later, Jespice would try to talk to Elijah now.

Why was it that nothing felt good anymore? Lúth being gone was beyond the word horrible, though Elijah didn't really have a stronger word. The small amount of campers who knew assumed her dead (except perhaps Calix). Although there was really no telling at this point for most, Elijah knew that she wasn't dead. He felt it in his heart, his mind, his body, and the pulsating crystal he always wore around his neck now. Lúth's crystal, her gift from their mother. His sister had hid it away, but she must have thrown it before...well, Elijah had found it. It didn't clear his head, even for a second, but somehow, the boy felt it sort of connected him to Lúth's life force. Probably not a likely idea, more of a petty comfort, but either way, the boy knew his sister was alive. Alive but...where? And would he ever get to see her again? Would Calix ever get to see her again? Anyone she mattered to, that mattered to her...anyone at all? Elijah had to take a deep breath to keep himself from crying again. Sometimes it didn't seem fair that he had to be the strong one. Sure, Calix had suffered the greater loss and was crumbling at a horrifying rate, but Elijah had lost his sister...the sister he had prayed for his whole life. "Discordia..." Elijah whispered, facedown on his pillow. "Matris. Revertere eam?" Even a Goddess couldn't make out his words muffled by a pillow. Well, she probably could. Not that it mattered. Lúth had been carried away by Hades. Sick, really, a Roman demigod being carried off by a God in his Greek form. Was that supposed to mean something? It wouldn't make Elijah stop praying...Mother. Return her?

Who was it that said bad things always came in three's? Sure, the other two weren't nearly as bad, but what it came down to was in some ways, it all kind of tied together in a nice package. Jack. Elijah hadn't spoken to the older boy in a very long time, which was the bad thing (maybe?). The son of Discordia knew how he shouldn't feel about the older boy. Unfortunately, that was exactly how he felt. The strange feelings he had for the son of Venus. It didn't seem like it should feel right, but Elijah couldn't deny the fact that when he saw Jack, even just caught a glimpse of the older boy, he felt human again. Not great, honestly, because Elijah wanted to get over Jack, not make it worse, but seeing Jack...the way the boy's heart raced and it got harder to breathe...it kind of reminded the boy that there was something to feel other than numb. How was that bad? Elijah didn't want these feelings for the older boy. They just complicated things. And, the least worrisome of them all...Aprilis XI, MCMXCVI (if you wanted to be specific). In a week, it would be Elijah's birthday. Birthdays had never been a big deal to the boy, he had never had friends to celebrate with, his father had always acted like it was some kind of curse, and Jody didn't care. They got him clothes or giftcards to the bookstore, but never really bothered with trying to find a nice vegan cake or make April 11th special. So Elijah had never found it special. But something was different here...the boy wanted to have a birthday. Small, obviously...River, Lúth, Calix, Stephanie...perhaps Jack would come in at some point. A birthday kiss...with a snort, Elijah pulled himself out of bed. "Likely," he mumbled.

As he was checking to make sure his makeup looked okay after laying facedown in his pillows, Elijah noticed the sound of the door opening. It was probably Calix...that wasn't anything rare these days, but then he heard a soft, semi-familiar voice and he looked up sharply. Uh...Jespice...something. Fourth Cohort? Calix had always attempted to get Elijah to remember these things, and for the most part, the boy knew the Legion really well. But Jespice was cute. Too cute. Possibly dating a Greek? Definitely not wearing a shirt. Okay, so the last time the two had met, Elijah had been in a pretty bad mood. It was all kind of fuzzy, honestly. Elijah blinked for a moment, internally acknowledging that, yes, he did in fact have a libido and yes, it should stop bothering him right now. "Probably shouldn't be," the boy shrugged. "But I don't care. A visitor's nice every now and then," the floor was very nice, all shiny and wood and stuff. Maybe Elijah should get a throw rug to put over part of it. Dark purple, perhaps. That would be nice. And if he just looked at the floor, he could forget that there was an attractive boy (possibly dating a Greek!) standing in his bedroom, without a shirt on (well, Elijah had heard that whole story). Perhaps if he worked this right...well, it wasn't like the boy would be wasting a first kiss. Been there, done that...thanks Jack Wheelan, son of Venus Amatorius. With a soft sigh, Elijah looked up just in time to see Jespice accidentally shut the door behind him.

"Please," Elijah shrugged. "Praetor Emmanual really isn't necessary, unless it's in a necessary situation," the boy smiled slightly. "Elijah is much preferred. I'm really not one for formalities. You know, unless they're necessary," Elijah looked around for a moment. "Yes, my room...sorry...I've been a bit distracted lately..." trying to appear a bit more normal, the boy's eyes roamed for another minute. Desk chair. "Everything alright, Jespice? If you need to talk or anything...there aren't too many places to sit down...that desk chair over there and my bed," without even thinking, the next words slipped out. "Bed's a lot more comfortable, though," with an inner cringe, Elijah shut his eyes for a moment. He could feel the crystal pulsating against his chest, slow, muddled, but still there. Of course, when he opened his eyes, he was looking right back at Jespice's chest, unsure of what to do or say. Of course, he had been playing around with his makeup style this morning...what had he come up with this one? Something about being flirty. "Bracchae," Elijah mumbled knowing he was just going to make this worse for himself if he didn't fake being an invalid or something. "Jespice..." he started patiently, trying to figure out what could come next. But as usual, nothing he was planning on came out...just something pointless, incriminating, and trouble causing. "...do you believe in birthday punches or kisses?" quickly realizing what he had said, Elijah sighed softly. Gratias ago tibi, mater, the boy thought dryly, imagining his mother watching him with a mad grin on her face.

"Everything alright, Jespice? If you need to talk or anything...there aren't too many places to sit down...that desk chair over there and my bed, Bed's a lot more comfortable, though," Elijah said, then the Praetor closed his eyes for a moment. The son of Cupid’s eyes widened a bit and he raised an eyebrow. Jespice’s cupid-ness took over “really now? I could take your word for it, but I think I should make my own decision.” The teenage sauntered over to the chair and sat down for a moment, and then Jespice moved over to Elijah and sat down next to him, smiling. “I’d have to agree with you, the bed is more comfortable” Jespice had sat down pretty close to the son of Discordia, so close that their shoulders were almost touching. The son of Cupid really didn’t know much about personal space. "Bracchae," Elijah muttered, though Jespice didn’t quite hear the younger boy. He leaned a little closer to Elijah “what? Sorry I didn’t hear you…” Jespice flashed an embarrassed smile. "Jespice..." “Elijah” Jespice replied, leaning away slightly so his face wasn’t so close to the Praetor’s. "...do you believe in birthday punches or kisses?"

Jespice frowned at this. It wasn’t the question that the son of Cupid had expected Elijah to ask. The mention of birthday anything brought back memories from Jespice’s prostitute days. Back in those days the son of Cupid was frequently invited to parties… those were interesting parties. Jespice spaced out, remembering. “I’ve heard more about birthday sex then either of those…” He responded numbly without thinking. Jespice’s words hung in the air for a moment before he even realized what he had said. The confident boy’s face flushed. “b-but you asked about b-believing in those, right” Jespice stumbled over his words “h-honestly more a b-b-birthday kiss person then punching…” The son of Cupid continued “I’ve never even heard of birthday punches…” Jespice’s mind drifted again, realizing that he hadn’t celebrated his own birthday normally in years. He usually didn’t celebrate or he got a really big surprise… Jespice’s face flushed slightly at the memory. It used to be so normal for him, but now when Jespice thought back on his past it embarrassed him.

Back to the current situation. The son of Cupid had become very spacy, staring at Elijah accidently as he spaced out. That was even more embarrassing. Jespice blushed a little more and looked away, flustered. What the hell was wrong with him? “Anyway, why do you ask?” Jespice asked, getting the nerve to look back at the Praetor. The son of Cupid seemed more vulnerable around the Praetors. Calix finding him with the box of picture from his fan club had scared the teenager for life. It was probably the most embarrassing thing that Jespice had gone through… other than being ridiculed at school when his mom made him dress like a girl, but that was a different type of embarrassment. That was the kind that would go away in a couple of days. The kind of embarrassment Jespice felt around Calix was a lifelong shame… it wouldn’t go away. Being a whore never bother Jespice before he got to camp, but that was because the son of Cupid didn’t know there was a different way of living.

The idea of Jespice’s past brought up a question in the back of the boy’s mind: how much did Elijah know? The son of Discordia was completely different from Calix. Was it possible that he didn’t know much about Jespice’s past. “So… Elijah, I have a question.” The son of Cupid began, scooting himself into the nonexistent space in-between them. “you guys have to do background checks on the people you let into camp… so how much do you know about me?” Jespice couldn’t help himself, his voice had lowered like he was telling Elijah a secret. This was usually how Jespice got when he thought about his past occupation. He had done it for so long, just thinking about it made the son of Cupid go back into that mindset. “because if you know a lot about me, it would only be fair if I got to know you better”

How was it even possible that this was real life? Somehow it didn't even seem real...Elijah had feelings (that he was trying desperately to deny) for a son of Venus while a son of Cupid was in his room. This sort of thing only happened in stupid romantic comedies and those horrible romance novels you saw near the checkout lines at supermarkets. And since when had Elijah's life turned into something like that? Where were all the fights where Elijah got to give people black eyes and break their bones? Maybe a monster to fight? No, Elijah was stuck in some romantic alternative universe hell. "Certe probari omnibus mater?" he sighed as Jespice sat in the desk chair. Okay, maybe a little hope...a little hope that was completely dashed as the other boy moved and sat down beside Elijah. Perhaps a little too close, but Elijah honestly couldn't think about any of that as he was too busy thinking up every curse word in every language he could think of. There were websites for almost everything. Though Elijah had never come across www.shirtless-sonofcupidalmostonyourlap.com. Maybe the need had never really arisen to start it. "Yeah..." Elijah finally said dryly. "I like the bed, too," almost as soon as the words had come from his mouth, the son of Discordia regretted them. If he ever got back online, Elijah decided he was starting www.reallydumbthingssonsofdiscordiasay.com. Not that there was exactly a need for that, either. At least it sounded less like porn and more like a joke site, right? Nearly jumping when he heard Jespice say something about not hearing him and noticing how close the other boy's face was to his, the boy took a deep breath. "It was nothing," he said softly, all but sighing in relief as Jespice moved away slightly at Elijah's question. The Praetor decided that stupidly cute sons of Cupid not wearing shirts were no longer allowed in his room. Ever, no exceptions. At least, not any that Elijah wanted to think about right now.

Maybe it would have been a bit easier if Elijah's mind wasn't such a mess. Birthday punches or birthday kisses? Really? This was some really poor attempt at flirting, wasn't it? But the boy didn't want to be flirting with Jespice. Was this the boy's libido telling him he needed to 'get some'. Or was Discordia just having some fun with her son? Any way he looked at it, Elijah kind of just wanted to make the whole situation go away. "I know nothing about birthday sex," the boy said blandly. "Honestly, I know nothing about any of it. I like to punch people whether it's their birthday or not, honestly. I barely know about birthdays in general," Elijah finally shrugged. "Never celebrated one. No friends to celebrate with, even dad and step-mom stopped trying when I turned eleven...the year I went vegan. They didn't want to be bothered trying to find a vegan cake," thoughtfully, Elijah looked forward for a moment, then back at Jespice who was still dangerously close. "Although thirteen was a trip...Bar Mitzvah and all. Refused to touch the top notch catering and broke a kid's nose...that's kind of a birthday punch, right?" the boy knew he was just ranting at this point. And he knew if he ranted to River about any of this, she would fuss and try to do birthday stuff. That was about it, though...no one else really gave a damn. Ranting to someone who was basically a complete stranger? Totally safe. Talk about birthdays, about kisses, about anything, and in the end, who cared? Elijah and Jespice hadn't run into each other in months. Who knew how much longer it would be next time? And honestly, who cared? This was nothing of substance...right? For a moment, the boy imagined it was Jack he was having this conversation with. Birthday kisses...but it would be fleeting. Seventeen birthday kisses and then Jack would be gone again. That would hurt, as much as Elijah didn't want to admit it. "Septendecim natalis oscula..." the boy whispered, looking down. "Quas tu mihi, Jack?"

Anyway, why do you ask? Elijah shrugged at the other boy's question. "Not really sure...my birthday is less than a week away..." the boy trailed off as he attempted to think of a way to make that sound less pathetically pleading. "I think about weird things like that, doesn't everyone? I mean, it's like wanting to have a date on Valentine's Day or plant a tree in Israel on Tu B'Shvat, right?" bracchae. Why the Jewish moments at the stupidest times? Elijah looked down. The boy's next official plan was to have all children of Venus and Cupid and any other love-related God or Goddess that made his brain fizzle quarantined. This was absolutely ridiculous, the boy didn't even like Jespice (didn't he have a Greek boyfriend, anyway?), he liked Jack (scratch that, Elijah didn't like Jack either. He didn't like anyone. Perhaps it was time to go live in the mountains as a hermit). The whole thing was making the son of Discordia want to scream. Chaos...chaos was fine. But this wasn't chaos! This was something else entirely, and the Praetor was pretty sure if he didn't head for the mountains straight away, somebody was going to die. Elijah didn't even need Potentia and Ferocimus. He would use his bare hands...just break someone into oblivion. His brain needed to stop, and it needed to stop now, before Elijah really did go out of his mind. How much more of this could he handle...between Lúth disappearing, making sure Calix didn't do anything rash, trying to figure out whether he wanted to kiss Jack or rip the older boy's head off...this simply couldn't end well. Don't look at Jespice, Elijah...great Gods! How the hell had this escalated so quickly?

Turning his head to tell Jespice it might be best if he left now, Elijah found the other boy was speaking again. He took a deep breath, trying to figure out if he could open his mouth without screaming. "Question, right," the boy finally managed, trying not to notice the minuscule space between them becoming nothing short of nonexistent. Oh Gods...not that question. Any question but that question...the boy took another deep breath, trying to sound calm and diplomatic and all that Praetor BS. "I know enough," Elijah finally said, attempting to stay casual. "I don't judge, honestly. Most of us have seen the more horrible sides of the mortal world, right?" well that was true enough. Finding it a little easier to stay calm, Elijah took another deep breath. "There's honestly not much to know about me to know me 'better'. Except maybe for the fact that now there's no one around to tell me I have a mental disorder...everything kind of just gets blamed on the Discordia Ferocimus thing. That and nobody's going to expel me for sending three football players to the E.R. in one go. Broken jaw, crushed windpipe, and stitches for deep cuts along his knuckles with a Swiss Army Knife...in case you were wondering," good, now Elijah seemed less ridiculous and more dangerous. Hopefully...and hopefully enough to get Jespice the hell out of his room. Turning to the other boy with a mockingly pleasant smile, Elijah said non-chalantly, "But feel free to ask questions."

"I know enough," Elijah said. The praetor’s words brought a smirk onto Jespice’s lips. The son of Cupid was slightly disappointed though, he had wanted to explain his past to Elijah. It wasn’t anything new, but Jespice was feeling rather sexual. His hazel eyes were focused on the smaller boy’s face the entire time he was taking. Elijah’s face was oddly mesmerizing. "I don't judge, honestly. Most of us have seen the more horrible sides of the mortal world, right?" “Eh, it wasn’t all bad” Jespice mumbled unconsciously. Elijah took in a breath and the son of Cupid moved closer. Jespice was basically in Elijah’s lap already. Gods could Jespice be any more forward then this? The son of Cupid was making it pretty obvious that he wanted something. "There's honestly not much to know about me to know me 'better'. Except maybe for the fact that now there's no one around to tell me I have a mental disorder...everything kind of just gets blamed on the Discordia Ferocimus thing. That and nobody's going to expel me for sending three football players to the E.R. in one go. Broken jaw, crushed windpipe, and stitches for deep cuts along his knuckles with a Swiss Army Knife...in case you were wondering,"

Jespice raised an eyebrow. There was no doubt Elijah could kick his ass. The son of Cupid hadn’t been training as much as he should have. Sure he had more muscle on his body now, but nothing really that impressive. The son of Cupid’s heart was pounding painfully loud his chest. There was a gleam in Jespice’s eyes, a gleam that said he was up to something. What had the other girls called this gleam? Jespice couldn’t remember. The son of Cupid was too distracted by Elijah’s eyes that stood out against his pale skin. Did the praetor even know how attractive he was? Jespice bit his lower lip. They were really close together weren’t they? That was the son of Cupid’s doing. Jespice could feel Elijah’s body heat. Alarm bells started going off in Jespice’s head. What was he doing? This was probably the worst person to try to seduce. Jespice closed his eyes for a moment. Stop, stop, stop. He really should stop. The son of Cupid was heading down a dangerous path. Jespice opened his eyes slowly and was met with Elijah’s mockingly pleasant smile. To the son of Cupid a smile was just a smile and he grinned back. His muscles relaxing a bit.

"But feel free to ask questions." Elijah said nonchalantly. Suddenly Jespice’s heart rate sped up and his expression became more smug. Oh… oh no. Jespice’s mind screamed, but it was too late. Whore mode activated. “Actually I have just one for now” the son of Cupid said through a smirk, he was looking down so it looked like he was avoiding eye contact. Jespice’s hair, which was getting long and needed to be cut, fell over his eyes for a moment. The teenager looked up at Elijah through his golden curtain of hair. “Can I kiss you?” Jespice asked, his tone sounded more like he was saying ‘I’m going to kiss you’ instead of asking a question. The son of Cupid leaned forward, bridging the small gap in between them. Jespice’s hands found Elijah’s and closed around them, holding them in place so that the son of Discordia would move to punch him. Getting a broken jaw or a crushed windpipe didn’t sound to fun so Jespice would try to prevent Elijah from doing those things. Jespice’s heart was pounding and his mind was racing. This wasn’t what he had planned, but somehow he couldn’t help himself. The son of Cupid’s mind was yelling at him to stop but he just couldn’t. Once a whore always a whore, right?

Jespice was surprised at how much he wanted this. He was being forceful and not really playing nice. The son Cupid was still holding Elijah’s hands tightly, moving so that he held both of them with one hand. Jespice’s other hand twisted into the collar of Elijah’s shirt. The son of Cupid pushed Elijah back onto the bed. Whoa, this was a whole new level of sexual harassment for Jespice. Usually the son of Cupid would at least wait for a sign of consent, but not this time. Now Jespice was pinning his praetor to the bed… stop, Jespice, stop. The son of Cupid commanded himself. The teenager still had his lips to Elijah’s… this was a long kiss that Jespice was forcing upon him. The son of Cupid pulled back and looked down at Elijah with a smirk and that mischievous gleam in his eyes. What had the other girls called it again? Bed room eyes? “I’m sorry” Jespice breathed, not making any move to release Elijah. His face was flushed and his eyes reflected the lust that he felt. “… sorry”

Something was definitely off here. Elijah had never been too good at reading cues, they confused him too much. Words were helpful...they made it clear what was about to happen. But at this point, the cues were making quite a bit of sense. Jespice was practically in Elijah's lap...and the boy was going to ignore it as best he could. Jespice was a person. Yes, he was extraordinarily attractive and not wearing a shirt, but he wasn't who Elijah wanted. Elijah wanted Jack. That was never going to happen, though. So maybe the boy should just play along. Let the son of Cupid kiss him. Let the son of Cupid do whatever he wanted. What did it even matter now? But Elijah would ignore it, still. And keep ignoring it until Jespice made a move. And if worst came to worst, the son of Discordia would hurt the other boy...make sure he knew who he was messing with and not to go near it again. "Whether it was all bad or not..." Elijah mumbled, trying to ignore the strange mix of a pang of desire and a pang of hurt. This wasn't what he wanted. Jespice wasn't who he wanted. But who the boy wanted wasn't ever going to be there. Ignore it. Play along. A swirling mess of chaos where Elijah's brain should be. What did it even matter now? "The horrible sides of the mortal world..." Elijah mused. He knew what Jespice had done in the past. How he got by. The small boy was just another notch in the bedpost. What did it even matter now? A mantra, repeated over and over. Ignore the son of Cupid's advances...ignore the fact that he definitely wanted something. Wanted Elijah. Until something happened, the boy was going to keep playing dumb. How could he even do this? His first kiss had been taken from him. What was a bit more, anyway? A deep breath and his mantra. What did it even matter now? His words were supposed to scare Jespice away. Not make things worse.

A quick glance at Jespice's face assured Elijah that he was in trouble. Something was going to happen, whether Elijah wanted it to or not. What did he want? What harm was there in a kiss? The boy would never get to be with Jack, perhaps a kiss from someone else would allow him to move on, to forget. Wait...didn't Jespice have a Greek boyfriend? Maybe not anymore, because he seemed pretty eager to pounce on Elijah at any moment. The boy couldn't imagine a child of Cupid cheating on a lover, no matter what his past looked like. It seemed like the boy was just a rebound for Jespice. He figured Jespice was something of a rebound for him too...somehow. What did it even matter now? Just having some fun, right? A rebound...ugly words, really...but at this point, Elijah didn't care. Besides, it would be nice to have more than one stolen kiss in his repertoire when it came to finding future boyfriends. Steeling himself, the boy figured it couldn't hurt. Jespice could make his move, Elijah would play along. It wasn't what he wanted...Jespice wasn't who he wanted...but...well...what did it even matter now? Some fun, the son of Cupid would leave, and the two would just pretend that nothing happened. Nothing would be awkward or anything. Neither of them really wanted the other...just a quick hook up. Bracchae. The realization came too late. A quick hook up was everything the son of Discordia had promised himself himself he would never touch. It was completely against his morals! It was what Jack had wanted that Elijah had refused him. What in the Gods' names was going on here? There was no way the boy was going to allow this to happen. No way in hell...ever!

But the realization had come too late. Because Elijah heard words. And then more words. Can I kiss you? That was totally not a question, that was Jespice saying he was going to kiss Elijah. And before the boy could tell the son of Cupid to stop, or move away, Jespice's lips were on his. Again? Elijah thought, angry and resigned at the same time. Jespice grabbed his hands...understandable, since Elijah had already pointed out the damage he could do. And he was kissing him. But it didn't feel right. It didn't fit. In all honesty, of course, the boy had no idea what kisses were supposed to feel like. Jack kissing him didn't feel right, but that didn't mean Elijah didn't want to kiss Jack until it felt right. No matter what it took. And Jespice was a good kisser (the boy supposed...once again, he knew nothing about kissing), and Elijah could tell that the son of Cupid wanted it. Elijah wasn't sure what he wanted at this point. Jespice was kissing him, forcefully and passionately, and the small boy felt himself returning the kiss. It didn't feel right, but it felt natural. It felt...Elijah wasn't sure. Thoughts were drifting around...all of them quickly cut off when the boy remembered Jespice was kissing him again. Empty. An empty kiss. Elijah was trying, he really was...he didn't necessarily want this kiss, but it was making him forget the man who should be kissing him. Jespice was a good kisser...that much was obvious. And he was forcing Elijah to match that. Maybe someday Elijah could be a good kisser too. Someday he'd find a nice guy that wasn't Jack and be a good enough kisser to make up for his total lack of experience. He didn't want to be kissing Jespice, but he was. What did it even matter now?

A lone thought drifted through Elijah's mind...a resigned and defeated thought...why does everyone think it's okay to kiss me without permission? And then Jespice was only holding his hands with one hand, the other was twisted up in Elijah's shirt collar, and he was being pushed back onto the bed. Seriously, what did it matter? A long and passionate kiss from a son of Cupid. The boy supposed he could do much, much worse. Jespice was on top of him, kissing him, keeping his arms pinned. And Elijah was confused. Because he didn't want this...not at all. But at the same time, he needed it so badly. A rebound. A random hook up. Forgetting everything else. Jespice pulled back, smirking. There was something scarily attractive about the way the son of Cupid was staring at him. An apology. An apology...who cared? "It's not fair," Elijah finally spat out, quickly realizing how that must have sounded. Okay, time to fix that. To expand on the point he was trying to make. "It's not fair that you don't have a shirt on and I do," words that fell. Not mechanical, but empty. Nothing to them. Hopefully they got his point across, though. Because Jespice was definitely trying to forget too. Elijah wasn't sure what the other boy was trying to forget, but if they were forgetting together...it made no sense. "And I can't take my shirt off because you've got me pinned here. Either give me a hand or get the hell out of my room," the words weren't right, but forgetting. A second apology. "I don't want you to apologize," the boy growled. "I want you to take my shirt off and kiss me again."

"It's not fair," Elijah spat, his words hitting Jespice in the face. What he was doing was sexual harassment, he shouldn’t be doing thing, not to Elijah. A small fear of getting beaten up by the praetor kept Jespice from releasing the other boy. The son of Cupid’s stomach twisted. Pain and lust was obvious in his eyes. Stop… Jespice should stop this. "It's not fair that you don't have a shirt on and I do," The son of Discordia said, catching Jespice off guard. The son of Cupid looked down at Elijah with sad eyes. The other boy’s words were hollow, even Jespice could tell that. The son of Cupid loosened his grip on Elijah’s shirt. His heart was racing. What would he do? Jespice bit his lip; he knew this was a dangerous path. His eyes were still looking down at Elijah, but he wasn’t really looking at him. Jespice was thinking. What would he do? It was obvious what he should do and it was clear what he wanted to do. "And I can't take my shirt off because you've got me pinned here. Either give me a hand or get the hell out of my room," Jespice came back to reality. The son of Cupid let out a sigh and let go of Elijah’s hands and pulling a smirk back onto his lips. So this is how this was going to go. "I don't want you to apologize," Elijah growled. "I want you to take my shirt off and kiss me again."

“As you wish” Jespice breathed, he felt slightly numb. The son of Cupid slipped his hands under Elijah’s shirt, resting his hands on the boy’s skin feeling the warmth. Jespice’s could feel the other boy’s heart beat at his fingertips. The son of Cupid felt something there; he could sense the pain, emotional pain that matched his own. Jespice hesitated for a moment before pulling the Praetor’s shirt off. “Something is hurting you” he sighed without meaning to. There was always that pain. Almost every girl Jespice had been with had had that pain. Lust could be used to forget, to ease the pain of the heart. The son of Cupid cupped Elijah’s face in his hand. “I will ease your pain Praetor Emmanuel.” Jespice whispered looking into the other boy’s blue eyes. With a small huff the son of Cupid pushed his lips again Elijah’s again. Jespice’s other hand moved and felt down Elijah’s chest. The Roman demigod pulled The Praetor closer; this kiss didn’t last as long as the first one had. Jespice pulled away slowly, resting his forehead against Elijah’s. “This is wrong I shouldn’t be doing this… not to you” the son of Cupid was mumbling, his voice fast and his eyes were barely open. Jespice’s fingers were combing through Elijah’s hair and his forehead was still touching his.

“I’m so torn right now… you have no idea” Jespice said, kissing Elijah between words. This was bad… the son of Cupid was on top of the Praetor on a bed… what if Calix walked in or something? “The things I’ve done… the things I could do right now” Jespice said, his voice was wavering. The son of Cupid looked at Elijah with an expression of pain and yearning. Jespice wrapped one of his arms around Elijah, feeling his bare back with his fingertips. The son of Cupid had never been so torn before. Jespice took a shaky breath before pushing his lips again the son of Discordia again. “Elijah… what do you want me to do?” Jespice said, his words muffled against Elijah’s mouth. The teenager’s thumb slipped through one of the belt loops on Elijah’s pants. Jespice pushed on the son of Discordia’s back, pressing him closer. “Elijah” Jespice mumbled, his voice sounded like a moan. ‘what do you expect me to do?’ the son of Cupid continued in his mind. ‘once a whore always a whore’.

This was wrong. This was all wrong, and Elijah knew it. He shouldn't be doing this...not to himself, and not to Jespice. But everything, every feeling, every moral declaration was gone. Lúth. The struggle of running the Legion on his own. So little sleep, so little time to eat...so little time. And Jack. The man Elijah wanted so badly it hurt. And the man Elijah would never have...would never let himself have. Just keep pushing him away until he left for good. What would the boy do then? Forget. Just forget. Let everything go away for good. Jack felt like his last tie to everything in a way. Strange, really, since they hadn't even spoken in awhile...not to mention the part where Elijah was trying to make Jack go away. Hopefully that would last until Calix was back up and running. The other boy would take control of it all and Elijah would take his turn to waste away in his room. Or maybe find a hole somewhere. Anything to make it all go away. But he couldn't do that now, so the boy supposed he could let Jespice make it all go away. As wrong as it was. And it was very, very wrong. Elijah didn't want the son of Cupid, as enticing as he was, and as things progressed, he was pretty sure that as enticing as he was to Jespice, the other boy didn't want him either. He had read the boy's file. He knew the things he had done. His past. And here the son of Discordia was, being a complete ass and using Jespice the way so many others had used him in the past. It wasn't right, and as the boy pushed things, pushed himself, the Praetor felt worse and worse about what he was doing. He wanted to scream...loudly. Make it stop...make Jespice stop...make himself stop...but the son of Cupid made him forget, made him feel nothing. Empty kisses. Empty feelings. His heart was beating hard and loud, but not from adrenaline, not from want. Just from pain. Just from wanting Jack. Wishing Jack was the one kissing him like this. Kisses with feeling. Kisses with feeling Elijah would never get.

Words. They fell so quickly and readily, but there was nothing behind them. Even Jespice could tell. Elijah's statement that it wasn't fair his shirt was still on just received sad eyes. The boy not have been the greatest with cues, but sad was sad. And in all honesty, he knew that look too well. He saw it in his own eyes everytime he looked in the mirror. Sad. Empty. What has my life come to? Elijah couldn't keep doing this...but he wanted to be selfish for just a moment. Between losing Lúth, taking over the running of the Legion himself and taking care of his barely-functioning co-Praetor and close friend...Gods knew Elijah needed to be selfish. Walls. Building so many walls. Keeping himself in and others out. What the hell had happened to them? Why had he started letting people in, anyway? Who cared? He needed to be selfish and make sure someone else was hurting with him. What was that saying? Misery loves company. Elijah supposed it fit here, in some sick, twisted way. Sick and twisted was how Elijah's life tended to go, though. And then Jespice was smirking again and Elijah wanted to shove the boy off of him. His heart hurt and he felt sick to his stomach. He was the one making the son of Cupid smirk like that. Elijah was being shown a completely different side of passion and manipulation, and he didn't like it anymore. Because Jespice wasn't manipulating him anymore. He was the one manipulating Jespice. But that wasn't right. Because Elijah had been doing the manipulation the whole time. This shouldn't be happening. No! This had to stop. And it had to stop now.

But it didn't. And it wouldn't. Because Jespice was speaking again, his words dripping like honey. As you wish. Elijah felt the other boy's hands slip under his shirt. Numb...make it stop, make it stop! It had to stop...but Jespice's touches made Elijah forget. Surely the son of Cupid could tell Elijah was in pain. That he was hurting...trying to forget. It was pretty obvious. And probably something a child of Cupid could tell pretty obviously. Shirt off. "Everything is hurting me," the boy vaguely replied. "He's hurting me," the words slipped out before Elijah could stop them. "He's hurting me and he doesn't even know..." the boy mumbled, unsure if Jespice could even hear him. Not that it mattered at this point. Because Jack wasn't there. Jack would never be there and Elijah just had to suck it up and deal. Move forward, just like he was with everything else. Things couldn't just stop because Lúth was carried away and Calix became an empty shell. Things couldn't just stop because Elijah wanted someone he could never have. And Jespice promised to ease the pain. And then he was kissing Elijah again, pulling him closer, his hands on the son of Discordia's bare skin, their bare skin pressed together. And the son of Cupid was mumbling quickly. The small boy could only catch one word. Wrong. Wrong. Jespice knew, too. They both knew. Then why were they still doing this? Why was Jespice still kissing him? Why were his fingers combing through Elijah's hair? They both knew it was wrong, perhaps in different ways, but they both knew. The Praetor had to push the other boy away, but his arms were still pinned. And quite fairly...at this point, Elijah was pretty sure he would lash out. Take at least a swing. Or two.

Jespice was speaking, but Elijah couldn't hear his words between the kisses. Or maybe he couldn't hear his words because of the screaming in his head. Elijah didn't want this, Jespice didn't want this, and Elijah was over the selfish thing. He had to do the right thing. He had to make it stop. The things I could do right now...yes, the things Jespice could do right now. The things he could do right now and things Elijah wouldn't let him do right now. Pain. Yearning. The Praetor could see it in Jespice's eyes...and he could see the reflection of the same look in his own eyes. The son of Cupid wrapped an arm around Elijah and pulled him closer. Numb. Empty. Had to make it stop...had to make it stop somehow. Elijah…what do you want me to do? The screaming got louder. Jespice pulled him closer. The screaming got louder and Elijah wanted to scream himself. The words, barely above a whisper, slipped before Elijah could stop them. "Make me forget him," the son of Discordia whispered against Jespice's lips. He barely heard himself saying them. He barely realized what he was saying. But then it clicked. The son of Cupid pulled him closer and Elijah shut his eyes. How would he explain this to Jack? Jack wasn't his. Jack would never be his. Elijah. His name. Jespice said his name, simply his name, but the boy could hear the implication behind it. "Stop," Elijah said softly. "Stop!" he said louder, his tone beyond panicked. "Stop! You can't do this to yourself, Jespice!" no more kissing! "You're better than this!" no mention of himself. "Stop letting me be selfish!" ah, there he went. Completely panicking, the radiation snapped on in a split second. Waves of chaos coming from Elijah's terror at the monster he was. How was this going to effect Jespice? The boy hadn't radiated this badly in awhile. "For the love of the Gods, Jespice, stop letting me be selfish and respect yourself! However! I don't know! Find him, kiss him, tell him you love him!" frantic words. Hopefully the son of Cupid could put the pieces together. "Tell him you love him! Kiss him! Hold him and don't ever let him go!" breathing heavily, Elijah tore his hands from Jespice's grasp and pushed the other boy off of him. Deep breaths, laying on his back on his bed. The screaming in his head...it stopped.

"Stop," Jespice heard the words, but he still held Elijah close. His whole body was in a bitter sweet numb. It was a familiar feeling the numbness. "Stop!" The Praetor’s voice sounded panicked, something in the son of Cupid snapped. “No.” Jespice hissed, pulling Elijah closer, not kissing him, but just holding him. Jespice’s arms were wrapped tightly around the other boy. "Stop! You can't do this to yourself, Jespice!" “I’m not doing anything to myself” "You're better than this!" “This is who I am!” Jespice yelled, grabbing Elijah’s shoulders and throwing him back down on the bed. The son of Cupid put his hands on either side of his head. He was on his hands and knees, trapping Elijah below him. "Stop letting me be selfish!" Elijah said, there was more panic in his voice. And strange feelings hit Jespice like a punch in the gut. He knew this feeling, he had felt it before. Chaos. The Praetor was radiating chaos. Cocky-ness, anger other weird feelings. "For the love of the Gods, Jespice, stop letting me be selfish and respect yourself! However! I don't know! Find him, kiss him, tell him you love him!" Jespice was trembling, he couldn’t deal with this. No more talking… the son of Cupid didn’t want to talk. "Tell him you love him! Kiss him! Hold him and don't ever let him go!" Elijah said and pushed Jespice away. There was a lull of calm and the son of Cupid moved and sat on the corner of the bed.

Elijah was lying back on the bed and Jespice was resisting the urge to scream. “Don’t mention him” the son of Cupid breathed, though it was barely audible. Andrew… no, no. Jespice didn’t want to talk about him. Find him? Kiss him? There was no way Andrew would let Jespice close. His hand was clenched into a fist; the other was running through his hair. “I would if I could but I can’t… I can’t face him” Jespice mumbled, looking down at Elijah. His body wanted to continue what they were doing before, fill himself up with the bitter sweet numb. “Elijah, you said you know my past but you don’t understand at all” Jespice found Elijah’s shirt. He held it in his hands for a few seconds before throwing it back to the Praetor. “I make other people feel better; I’m an object of pleasure. Letting people be selfish… that’s what I do” the son of Cupid rubbed his temples. “I’m not doing anything to myself…” all these feelings, Jespice didn’t want to deal with it. For the first time since he got to camp the son of Cupid was a little homesick. The camp was full of people, but they weren’t people he understood. The girls pushed him away; the guys… well Jespice learned that he was interested in guys. Everything here was confusing.

“I don’t expect you to understand, Elijah, no one does” Jespice breathed, standing up and sitting back in the chair. This really wasn’t what Jespice thought would happen today. “I don’t get a choice, I can keep a person to myself because I belong to everybody” The son of Cupid tapped his feet on the ground, looking at Elijah with dull eyes. “My purpose is to please other people, it was a purpose that pulled me from depression, but you already know that don’t you?” Jespice leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. The son of Cupid flinched at the pain in his chest, emotional and physical pain. “You already know all about me, Praetor Emmanuel, you should know how I am, how I act, what tortures me.” Jespice was venting his emotions. This wasn’t the way he usually vented. What he was doing before, that was how he vented. “You know everything, but you can never understand… I want you to, but you won’t” his muscles were tense. The son of Cupid couldn’t deal with this. “you said that he is hurting you and you want to forget. I want to forget too. Why did you tell me to stop.” Jespice stood up and walked back over to the bed. He looked down at Elijah “I don’t want to stop. I want you to be selfish” the son of Cupid stretched his hand out to touch the son of Discordia, but stopped himself. Jespice sighed and sat back down on the bed, not facing Elijah. “other people’s selfishness is all I know”

This was a demand! A complete demand! Something had clicked for Elijah, but it definitely hadn't clicked for Jespice. But maybe that was the problem right there. Things that the boy made sense of clicked for him in a second, where it took others years. Maybe never. And vice versa. "Let go of me!" Elijah hissed as the other boy pulled him closer. Radiating...chaos control that he had never quite gotten down. That Lúth was taken from him before she could teach him to control. And the boy was angry. He didn't feel numb anymore. He didn't feel empty. He felt angry. Angry at Jespice. But more than anything, angry at himself. Trying to forget, to move on...all those wonderful feelings of numbness and emptiness...it wouldn't work that way. Elijah was governed by his emotions. And he had to let them flow instead of holding them in until they erupted in a nuclear meltdown. "Look at what you're doing to yourself!" Elijah half-begged. "Please!" how was it fair that he saw these things in others that they didn't see in themselves? And what kind of things did others see in him? Would there ever be anyone who could see past his facade the way he saw past others'? Maybe it was better to go back to the numb and the empty. "This isn't who you are!" Elijah shouted as Jespice roughly threw him back on the bed. "Stop it, you somaro!" had to pull out the Latin for that one. Jespice was strong, and had a good grip on Elijah, but the small boy was stronger and had chaos on his side. There was definitely a chance that the son of Cupid's grip was slackening from Elijah's radiation. The son of Discordia pulled free, pushed, and with all his might, slapped Jespice hard across the face.

With deep breaths, Elijah tried hard to ignore the ringing in his ears. He felt it...the danger rising in his chest. The anger, the chaos. Taunting the boy, goading him on. This was his nature, this was what ran through his blood. And this was what Elijah had to control. Right now, at the very least. Lúth's crystal was beating nearly painfully against his chest...the boy couldn't take his rage out on Jespice. It wasn't the son of Cupid's fault that Elijah had attempted to push all his feelings away. Stupid...the boy should know by now that that really didn't work for him. Chaos control...Lúth had always chided her brother for his lack of chaos control. Breathing heavily, knowing he had just slapped Jespice and was on the verge of doing a lot worse, Elijah finally thought he might have felt a sliver of what Lúth was always trying to convince him he could do. In her own way, of course. Chaos control. The boy just had to breathe, not look at Jespice, and keep his grasp strong. Deep breath..."Hoc pro vobis, Lúthien," he mumbled. Although he didn't dare take out the blue crystal from under his shirt, Elijah could feel it, beating, glowing. He had to try. He had to try really hard not to take this out on the son of Cupid. It wasn't Jespice's fault...it was Elijah's. Entirely Elijah's. He shouldn't have let any of this happen in the first place. Forget chaos control, how about just...control. How did one keep control, anyway? It had never exactly been one of the son of Discordia's strong suits (for pretty obvious reasons, but now wasn't exactly the time to start musing on that one). Keeping yourself grounded, right? That was a way to start. With a deep breath, Elijah tried to bring himself back to the present.

Elijah was breathing heavily, laying back on the bed, trying to ground himself in the present...not hit Jespice again. Not make this worse. The son of Cupid's next words surprised him. "Don't mention him? I wouldn't know, Jespice. Face him. Try. I don't know what happened, but you're hurting without him," bold words, but definitely better than throwing a punch. Maybe if the boy could just make the other see. "At least you even got a chance," Elijah mumbled, not sure if Jespice could hear him, but feeling the dagger in his heart anyway. The son of Cupid looked down at him, and Elijah narrowed his eyes in a nasty 'don't even think about it' kind of way. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself," Elijah snapped. Danger rising...chaos rising...don't move...don't let it consume you! "Do you really think any of us can truly understand each others' pasts? I know what you went through. And I told you a bit of what I went through. Does that mean you understand me, or anything I could write in a file?" the golden apple poison rings on his index fingers felt like they were burning...his daggers wanted to be released and cause some damage. Jespice threw Elijah's shirt back to him and the son of Discordia carelessly tossed it to the side. "The past is the past," Elijah finally spat. "All of our pasts are filled with bracchae, but that doesn't mean that's who we are now. I've told you some of what I'm capable of doing. At this point, I could probably break every bone in your damn body in under five minutes. Doesn't mean I'm going to do it. So stop dwelling, and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Don't let it consume you. It's a seed. Grow from it, don't be who you were. Be who you want to be," Elijah had no idea what he was talking about it, but the words seemed to make sense. To him, anyway.

"Fine, though...if you want to be that stupid, I'll match you. We'll be who we were. You'll keep whining and I'll beat the bracchae out of you. Fair is fair, right?" Elijah taunted. Not a good idea...danger levels rising again...radiating getting worse. Jespice was speaking, empty words. Words with so much meaning behind them, but they just pissed Elijah off even more. He had to fight himself to stay where he was; the boy knew the moment he sat up was the moment he attacked the son of Cupid. It wouldn't be pretty. Bruised and broken. Like so many before. Don't let it consume you. Words Elijah had spoken only moments before. Time to follow his own advice. Different, really...very different...but Elijah had spent a long time letting the anger and chaos consume him. Even if it didn't stop, he had to keep it under control at this moment. "Lúth..." he whispered. "I need your help more than ever, sis..." but Lúth wasn't there. And Elijah had to do this on his own. Looking up at Jespice, Elijah's eyes narrowed. His hands were in tight fists, the boy could feel his fingernails digging into into his palms. Keeping him grounded. "I told you to stop because it was wrong...and we both knew it. You don't want me, and I don't want you. You have a chance with him. Take it. It's time you live your life for you. I want to forget, yes, but I can figure out another way. I don't have a chance with the person I want, but you do. Don't let it escape you!" deep breaths. Don't move, don't do anything. Don't let it consume you. "I don't want to be selfish, Jespice. I don't want to use you. Stop being stubborn. Be selfish. Get him back."

((i dont even... Im messed up im sorry >.>))

Jespice sat on the edge of the bed, not listening to Elijah. His face was throbbing from the slap the Praetor had delivered, but the son of Cupid knew that he had deserved it. He had gone too far… but he wasn’t done. "Don't mention him? I wouldn't know, Jespice. Face him. Try. I don't know what happened, but you're hurting without him," “how the hell would you know?” Jespice hissed. Yes, he was hurting, he was hurting so much, but it was a pain that was destined to happen. Love wasn’t something that the son of Cupid could have for himself. It wasn’t meant to be. He had to live off the happiness of others. No, not the happiness, the lust of others. It was what kept Jespice going for so many years; it was what had brought him up from the darkness that had once consumed him. Elijah didn’t understand. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself," “I’M NOT FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF” Jespice hissed as the son of Discordia went on speaking. Where was this anger coming from? Surely this wasn’t coming just from the son of Cupid, it was probably the chaos. It was affecting Jespice in strange ways, messing with him.

The son of Cupid was having a hard time focusing on what was happening. What was Elijah talking about? The past… files. The son of Discordia tossed his shirt aside when Jespice gave it back to him. “You have no idea how distracting you are” the son of Cupid mumbled. Hollow words, but his voice was low and sickly sweet. "Fine, though...if you want to be that stupid, I'll match you. We'll be who we were. You'll keep whining and I'll beat the bracchae out of you. Fair is fair, right?" Jespice turned his head and finally looked at the Praetor. He was taunting him, Jespice knew that. Elijah was angry and the son of Cupid was… well Jespice couldn’t even tell what he was feeling. He felt a foreign anger. Was it coming from the chaos or just deep within himself? Jespice wasn’t sure. His hand lightly touched the throbbing hand mark on his face. The son of Cupid was smiling… why was he smiling? That would just piss off Elijah even more then he already was. This was such a dangerous situation. The Praetor’s eyes were narrowed; his hands were clenched into fist. It was clear that Elijah wanted to hit Jespice again, but the son of Cupid was still smiling.

"I told you to stop because it was wrong...and we both knew it. You don't want me, and I don't want you.” “It doesn’t matter who I want, it never mattered.” You have a chance with him. Take it. It's time you live your life for you...” “This life was never for me… it’s not mine” “I want to forget, yes, but I can figure out another way. I don't have a chance with the person I want, but you do. Don't let it escape you!" Jespice looked at Elijah; the other boy was taking deep breaths. What was he talking about? Of course Elijah had a chance with whoever he wanted. The Praetor’s words were falling on Jespice, but he wasn’t willing to listen to them. Talking. The son of Cupid hated all this talking, he wanted it to stop. Jespice let his smile fade away. How could Elijah not get it… how could he not understand? Jespice wasn’t feeling sorry for himself he was just… he was just telling the truth. The son of Cupid wasn’t meant to love someone… no… he couldn’t love anyone, because he’s just mess it up. Jespice would just fall back into his old ways and those were frowned upon by most people. Paisley… Jespice had gone to her without thinking. Why? Because she had made it clear she wanted something from him and being the whore he is Jespice jumped at the chance. "I don't want to be selfish, Jespice. I don't want to use you. Stop being stubborn. Be selfish. Get him back."

Be selfish? A dangerous smirk spread across Jespice’s lips. He could be selfish, he could be so selfish. Elijah didn’t know what he had just unleashed. “You want me to be… selfish?” Jespice asked, putting in a pause before the word selfish. He looked down at Elijah, his mouth still curled into a smirk. The other boy was still angry, he was shirtless, exposed. Elijah didn’t understand. “I can be selfish” the son of Cupid breathed “I can be so very, very selfish” then Jespice turned his body, grabbing Elijah’s hands again. The other boy was stronger than him, but Jespice just wouldn’t give him the opportunity to hit him again. The son of Cupid had his lips against Elijah’s again. What was he doing? What was this? Jespice was still smirking, he pulled away from a brief moment, his breathing was heavier and his heart was racing. “I don’t think you understand me at all, Elijah” Jespice whispered in the son of Discordia’s ear. Elijah was already lying on the bed and Jespice was back on top, pinning the boy down, holding him down. The son of Cupid was smiling an insane smile. He really had taken after his mother hadn’t he? “I got the worst of both my parents” Jespice continued, his hands firmly clutching Elijah’s, his knuckles were white. “we are alone in a room, I’m horny and you just told me to be selfish.” The son of Cupid laughed a single hollow laugh. “I’m guessing I’m not what you expected, eh, Praetor Emmanuel? Sorry to disappoint you”

Elijah had to breathe. He had to concentrate on his breaths, not lose control. Again. But it wasn't working anymore...the boy was quickly losing his grasp. He could feel the anger bubbling in his chest. The chaos radiating from every surface of his body. It was a lot of chaos coming from someone so small...which definitely wasn't a good thing. This much radiating...it was hitting Jespice full force, Elijah could tell. The biggest problem, though, was that even though he was the one giving it off, the boy was also feeding off it. This hadn't happened in a long time. Maybe since his and Jack's first meeting. Gods...don't even..."I would know because I'm not stupid!" Elijah snapped. "I know what hurt feels like, and I know what it looks like. Your face looks just like mine every time I look in a damn mirror!" this had to stop. All of it. Talking, moving, Jespice had to leave. Now. Before Elijah did something stupid. "You are feeling sorry for yourself," the boy just sighed. He knew he could keep talking and the son of Cupid wouldn't hear any of it at this point. Why even try? This was it...this need to end. Elijah couldn't lose control. He was too, too close to doing so. "I must be the worst distraction ever if your words are that empty," Elijah snorted. Radiating worse. "If it's that bad, then leave. I refuse to play this game with you any longer!" Gods...the son of Discordia wasn't cut out for this nonsense. He didn't dare move to force Jespice out...that wouldn't be safe. The son of Cupid would end up with a lot more than a stinging cheek. Smiling...why the hell was Jespice smiling? That wasn't a good sign. That definitely wasn't a good sign. That meant both boys were in deeper than the other knew. Because Elijah didn't know what was happening in Jespice's head...but Elijah was definitely trying to figure out the quickest but most painful way to break every bone in Jespice's body. And how to keep the other boy conscious while he did so.

Deep breaths. Words going unheard. How could Elijah possibly drive the point home any harder? "It doesn't matter? Really, Jespice? Really? Have you forgotten who your father is or something? Desire...attraction...affection? Lúth..." ow..."Lúth hates the Gods. Lúth hates our mother. Do you think that means she's not watching us? Watching over us? Proud of us, no matter what?" talking about Lúth made it hurt. More. Fuel to the fire. But maybe it would help Jespice. Her friend. "This life isn't yours, huh? What you've lived...whether you care or not, Cupid cares..." words. Who knew if there was any truth to them...but Elijah had to try. It wasn't easy being a half-blood, no matter what way you looked at it, but sometimes there had to be some give. This was bad. This was beyond bad...Elijah did not want to be in this situation. "Get out," he finally snapped. "Just get out," pointless words when Elijah couldn't even get up to force the other boy out. There was nothing intimidating about him anymore...Gods, what a horrible time to lose his fear factor. As long as he kept breathing, kept himself grounded, didn't give himself the chance to beat Jespice to a pulp. Leave...get out of here...get out...don't let this happen...don't let me do this...thoughts that Elijah couldn't articulate. He could only open his mouth if he planned on screaming. The boy wasn't even capable of words at this point. Had to tell Jespice to get out...had to...oh Gods...that look. The boy didn't like that look. It scared him, angered him...fuel to the fire...Jespice pushing him any further...Elijah would snap.

Words. Words that had to stop. That Elijah had to stop...because just like Jespice had no idea what the son of Discordia was thinking, he had no idea what Jespice was thinking. But he was starting to get a feeling. And if the son of Cupid kept pushing, somebody was going to end up severely injured. And it wouldn't be Elijah. "Do you hear yourself?" Elijah hissed. But before he could continue, Jespice was holding his hands again and looking scary. And then Jespice was kissing him again and Elijah felt every fiber of his being radiating chaos. And anger. Because the boy wasn't going to let this happen. There was no way in hell this was going to happen to him, the unthinkable. The unthinkable...and it was all his fault. Words in his ear...I don’t think you understand me at all, Elijah...and Jespice looked scary. But Elijah wouldn't take this lying down. Anyone who thought that what he had done to Jack was bad was in for a nasty surprise when they heard about this...I don’t think you understand me at all, Elijah...the boy didn't hear a word the son of Cupid said after that, because those words...that one sentence...reverberating. A moment. The boy knew this game better than Jespice knew. Maybe not the same way the son of Cupid knew it, but the same structure. Give him a moment...let him think he has the upper hand. Everything was in place. Just a moment to let the other boy think he had the upper hand. "Sorry to disappoint you," Elijah repeated under his breath. He looked up at Jespice, bright blue eyes meeting hazel ones with a dangerous glint. The glint of complete loss of control and complete chaos.

And the moment where everything just crashed. "I don't think you understand me at all, Jespice," Elijah snarled, swinging out his leg, a rather heavy combat boot hitting the other boy's knee with sickening force. No crack. Okay, broken knee caps were bad, Elijah did not want to go there again. Angry strength to break free of Jespice's grip again, pushing the son of Cupid forward with one hand and twisting his right arm in ways an arm should never be twisted with the other hand. A sickening crack and crunch. The son of Discordia had always been pretty decent with breaking arms. Jespice was bigger and taller, but Elijah had chaos. Angry chaos. Letting go of Jespice's definitely broken arm, the small boy pushed him to the ground and got up quickly, letting his foot hover above the other boy's chest. Breathing heavily, Elijah took a moment to remember how to form words. "I never said I understood you," he growled. "And I never will. But never assume you'll ever be able to understand me," deep breath. No control. "You don't treat me that way," Elijah said roughly. "You don't treat anyone around here that way," no control, Elijah let his foot brush against Jespice's chest before applying enough pressure to crack a few ribs. Not too bad, not as bad as breaking them, still painful. No control. "If I ever hear that you attempt anything like this on anyone again, I will do a lot more damage. You'll never understand me, Jespice Cane...but I'm sure you can understand that," no control. Raising his foot, Elijah stared at Jespice coldly. "Now...get out before I decide it's okay to pull out my daggers," another moment. Moving his foot away, Elijah looked down at the son of Cupid in disgust. "Self respect," he finally finished simply. "Learn it."

((Oh Goddess, Elijah, you scare me...*freaking out just a little*))