Just Rip Your Heart Out ((Luthien and Calix))

Luthien. That was the only thing that the son of Cupid could think or feel. It was her, it had always been her… in a way. Cupid just had to rub it in his face didn’t he? Putting Luth’s picture in Jespice’s locket. The teenager shook his head and grumbled a curse under his breath. Why did his father have to do this? It would have been a kind gesture if Jespice was dating Luthien, but he wasn’t she was engaged to Calix. Jespice paused for a moment to slam his fist into the side of the barracks. The son of Cupid bit his lip, pulling his scratched knuckled back and letting his hand fall back to his side. He was so mad, mad at himself and his father and Luthien. Why was this all happening? Jespice ran his bleeding hand through his dirty hair. The Roman had definitely seen better days. His jeans were faded and torn, his eyes had dark circles under them as if he hadn’t slept in days… well Jespice hadn’t slept in a few days, but he still looked worse than usual. The son of Cupid swallowed the lump in his throat and continued walking forwards. He had to find Luthien, he needed to talk to her. Now. Jespice wanted to come clean, he needed to tell her everything before it was too late. Heck, the Roman could be dead next week what did he have to lose? The worst that could happen is that he could lose the only person left in the world that he actually cared about, the only person he wanted to protect. It wasn’t like Jespice could be with her anyway.

Jespice shoved his hands into his pockets, flinching when his torn knuckles scraped against the fabric of his jeans. A cold breeze slammed against his bare chest, his locket was so cold it was burning his skin, but the son of Cupid didn’t care. Jespice turned and pushed the door to the third cohort barracks open. “Luthien” the Roman said, his voice sounded exhausted and tense. Other demigod’s groaned in the room, throwing pillows at him and cursing. It was in the middle of the night, everyone else was in bed where they were supposed to be, but not Luthien. One of the annoyed teenagers moaned “she’s not here” but Jespice was already out the door. The son of Cupid knew where she was he had just hoped that she would be in the barracks. Rage was bubbling in his chest, but Jespice was trying to contain it. He didn’t want to explode at Luthien, he just wanted to talk to her, but the son of Cupid’s emotions were as wild as ever. The tattoo on his left wrist felt like it was burning, but Jespice ignored it. The feeling was his imagination, it had to be.

“Luthien” Jespice called again, his hand flying up to push open the door to the Principia. The last time the son of Cupid had been in the Principia he had left with a broken arm. The teenager shuddered, there were bad memories in here. A small meow nearly made Jespice jump out of his skin. The boy looked down into the big glowing eyes of Amroth, the kitten he had given Luthien for her birthday. The fluffy cat pawed at Jespice’s leg for a few seconds while the teenager made his way through the building. It didn’t take Jespice long to find the door Praetor Kiril’s room. The son of Cupid swallowed and bit his lip piercing. What is Calix was in there with Luthien? How could he talk to her if he was there? Calix couldn’t know that he was in the Tripartite or anything he had done. If Calix even got a hint of who Jespice actually was it would ruin everything. How could he help his cause with the Praetors at his throat? Jespice bit his lip again and raised his hand to knock. The teenager came face to face with the ring Luthien had given him for Christmas. The sight cause the son of Cupid to hesitate. She deserved to know.

Jespice knocked three times before just opening the door. The son of Cupid peeked inside the room before opening the door wide and going inside. “Luthien” Jespice said into the room, looking around before locking eyes with her. She was here, he knew she’d be here. The Roman shut the door behind him and walked forward. “I… I need to talk to you” the son of Cupid said rubbing his hands together reopening the scabs that had begun to form on his knuckles. “I haven’t been completely honest with you” Jespice played nervously with the ring on his hand, sighed and pulled it off of his finger. “I don’t deserve your gifts, your kindness, or your effort to save me.” The son of Cupid put the ring on the table. The teenager rubbed his finger over the cold ring then let it sit on the table. “I need to be completely honest with you now… you deserve the truth at least.” Jespice heaved another sigh and looked back up at Luthien. “I can’t be saved. My soul is gone, Luthien, it’s been gone for a while now.”

The son of Cupid took a few steps closer to Luthien, raising his hand and brushing some of her hair out of her face. “I’ve attacked people, hurt people. I nearly killed your sister, I sexually attack Elijah, I almost killed a huntress girl and she’d be death if Ojobi didn’t hit me over the head with the hilt of his sword.” Jespice stopped to take in a breath and looked at Luthien with pain in his eyes. “I’m insane. I’m a killer. I work for the God who wants everyone here to burn. I don’t deserve your worry.” The Roman suddenly pulled his hand back as if Luthien’s hair was fire that had burned him. He bit his lip “I’m here to apologize for wasting your time, you’ve been supportive of me for nothing.”

There was an extreme silence layered over camp. Lúthien didn't know what it was but she knew something was brewing. She could feel it in the air, like the silence before the storm. It kept her up at night and she just couldn't help but wonder, what was about to happen? What even kept her from sleeping like she ought to be? Not to mention that she wasn't exactly sure where Calix was. She suspected he'd felt that shift in the air, sensed it in the way she acted or perhaps just felt it himself. Maybe he'd gone out to train, maybe he was doing a night time patrol just to make sure the deadly calm before the storm was not the prelude to some dramatic and damaging event for the camp. Lúthien just sat in the bed, her legs crossed and her eyes intent on the door. Something was coming, something conflicted with chaos and sending it rolling toward her in waves. It wasn't Calix, even within his most chaotic moments he always seemed to have this sense of order in his system. No, this person was far more wild, perhaps more dangerous by the crumbling sanity. She knew this person. This was Jespice.

Lúthien welcomed the waves of chaos as they crashed into her and allowed them to hug her, bring her the comfort that she needed when it came calling. Still she didn't move though, it was almost like she'd turned into a statue, like she'd forgotten how to move for just a moment. She could feel the rumble in the distance, the ripples of the tide against the shore. "What's wrong..." She whispered into the darkness of the night as she noticed the chaos only getting stronger. Something was wrong, that much was certain. Yet she sat and waited for him to find her rather than attempt to look for him. She knew he'd find his way sooner or later. There was always something leading people toward their goals. Her leader was chaos, which was like a strange kind of lover and pet that always was around to help her down and pick her up. The only constant factor that had always been in her life. Calix brought the balance between her inner chaos and the order she needed more than anything. Yet she could never deny the chaos. It was as much a part of her as her name, her memory loss and her strange upbringing. Her desire to always keep moving forward, search change.

Jespice walked in and Lúthien instantly found his eyes. There was so much chaos around him that even Lúthien was surprised he hadn't lost it completely yet. She got up from the bed and walked over to the table in silence, her movements graceful and elegant without hurry. After he put the ring on the table, she picked it up and started moving it around between her fingers, listening patiently as he spoke and looking at him with calm eyes. Yet a spark lived in them, a stubborn nature that never seemed to fade. "Shut it Jes." She said softly as he proclaimed his soul lost. She did not believe that, she simply couldn't. If he was lost, so was she. She had to redeem herself for her past, for her mistakes by avoiding him making the same mistakes if that were even possible. She channelled the chaos around her and started pouring it into that ring she'd once given him and that he attempted to give back to her now. Lúthien would not let that happen. He needed to the reminder as much as she did. 

She listened as he started summing up the things he had done wrong in life. She listened patiently, somehow not even surprised at most of his actions. She just grew increasingly sad as his list of deeds grew. The ring she had given Jespice burned against her fingers and she silently moved it back toward him. "Hush Jes. We've all made mistakes in our lives." She said softly, allowing all his touches, as they had a strange gentle nature about them. She then softly touched his hand and smiled at him. "When I was young, I was probably one of the most notorious children in school. I was loved and adored by the teachers but only because I enjoyed the irritation and the anger from the other students. I broke friendships, destroyed couples and everybody knew it was me but they never managed to mend what was broken or tie me to the events. I loved their pain and did everything in my power to increase it. It made me feel stronger. I could easily watch the Greek camp burn to flames without feeling even the slightest urge to do anything to save them and have no regrets. We all have our darkness. If you are beyond repair, I certainly am. The ruined, she called me. I will always support you, to the very last day. Even if you'd plunge a dagger into my own heart, I would still support you." 

She told him, her words filled with such an intention that she could almost feel every bit of chaos halting, holding still in one place unlike the coiling and moving it usually did. She leaned forward and placed her hands on his, looking at him and speaking the rule she would live by and die for. The one thing she couldn't deny, no matter what the price was. She would always consider it justified. It was the thing that had allowed her to open her heart to her one true love. Without that hope, she would forsake every single year she had lived after Damon's death. Those words meant more to her than even she understood.

"Jespice Cane, there is always hope left. I won't be the one giving up on that."

((this is now taking place AFTER Luth and Calix got married *woo*))

Why was she doing this why, why… Jespice wanted to flinch away from Luth’s hand, but he forced himself to stay still. She was trying to help him, help the son of Cupid felt he didn’t deserve. The daughter of Discordia was trying to reassure him, tell him that everyone made mistakes. Luthien was acting as if she understood. Jespice stomach twisted, her acceptance made him sick. “But you were young Luth…” the son of Cupid mumbled, pulling his hand back. “You’re acting as if I’m a child, I’m not that much younger than you. I’m doing these things now, they’re not accidents.” Luthien continued and Jespice backed away from her, looking broken and almost scared. “Don’t say that” he said, his eyes wide. The son of Cupid sounded so vulnerable, like a small child. How could she be so loyal to him? “Don’t say that” Jespice repeated, his voice growing in volume, filling with a rage he didn’t understand. Luthien put her hands on his and Jespice’s body stiffened, his face hard with the strange anger.

“No, Luth, there isn’t” The son of Cupid hissed, jerking his hand away. “I don’t understand what you are thinking. There isn’t any hope left, not for me.” Jespice was almost trembling, there were so many emotions swirling around in his confused mind. He was so angry and he didn’t know why. He was so mad at the other girl… Why? She was trying to help him, comfort him, give him a glimmer of hope. Jespice’s expression was a mixture of rage and pain. He felt twitchy and the Roman jerked his hand up and tugged at his short hair. The son of Cupid paused, eyes unfocused staring at the empty space in his soul, his fist clenched in his hair.  “You’re trying to hold on to a person who is gone…” Jespice sighed, his voice sounded like his was on the verge of tears. He needed to make her understand that there was no hope for him. “The Jespice you want, the one you care about, the Jespice that you met more than a year ago…” the Roman sighed “He’s gone Luthien, he isn’t coming back…” Jespice let his hand fall back to his side. “Why can’t you see that…?”

The son of Cupid’s legs felt like jelly and he had to use Calix’s table to support himsef, his fingers tensed against the cold wood, forced to be bent by his weight. knuckles turned white and crimson dripped onto the table. “Please…” Jespice said, looking at Luthien with suffering in his eyes. “I need you to understand… How can I make you understand…?” The son of Cupid tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but it wouldn’t go away. His legs found themselves and Jespice was able to support himself again, but his hand was stuck, stiff and bleeding against the table. “Why are you trying, Luthien, I don’t understand…” Jespice said, looking down at the little splotches of blood on Calix’s table.  ‘Good…” the Roman thought, suppressed jealousy and anger bubbling in his chest. ‘I hope it stains the table...’

“If I were to horribly betray you, betray everyone, you’d still support me…” Jespice said, rubbing his face with his free hand, his voice was a mixture of anger and disbelief. The son of Cupid looked back at Luthien his face twisted by his astonishment. “How could you even say that? What did I do to make you so… so…” The Roman lost his words, stopping his sentence to curse loudly and slam his fist against the table. ‘Stupid table…’. “What did I do, Luth, tell me.” Jespice pushed away from the table, his voice was back and no longer full of pain. “What could I have possibly done?” Jespice was almost yelling now, his voice cracked at his end of some of his words. “How have I tricked you into thinking I’m something I’m not? You’re not dumb, Luthien, why are you turning a blind eye to this? What… What did I do?” A deranged smile had made it’s way onto Jespice’s face. He was so anger, so hurt, so broken, so on the verge of tears, that he was laughing in the middle of his sentences. It was as if his mind couldn’t process all the emotions he felt, it was too much.

“Why are you doing this to me?” the son of Cupid choked, his smile wavering. A sad laugh passed through Jespice’s lips and then he was silent. Looking at her with his pain filled eyes. The Tripartite tattoo burned on his wrist, a painful reminder… why had he gotten that stupid tattoo? “You know what I am… Luthien, I can’t be saved. I don’t know what you think you can do… What is your plan? Do you have this all figured out, is that why you’re so confident? Is that why you’re holding on to the hope I abandoned a long time ago? With everything I’ve done why haven’t you told Calix? This isn’t going to stop, why haven’t you told him? People have died Luthien, I’m the reason people are dead. Can’t you see the blood on my hands? How can you say you’ll support me even if I kill you? I couldn’t even live with myself if I hurt you. I would hate myself. How can you be loyal to me than I am?” Jespice was talking too fast, his words were running together. He gasped for air somewhere in the middle of his rant and when he finished his chest rose up and down heavily. “You’re wasting your time.” he said sternly “let me go.”

She knew a struggle was going to happen. She knew that there was bound to be a fight from within him against her kindness. He didn't think he deserved it and Lúthien didn't agree with that. Yes, she had been young when she had been a monster but that side of her was still strong somewhere within her. She was just more careful with her allies after what had happened. She leaned against the table and looked at him calmly. "Jes, we are still young. Both of us. Perhaps we're old for demigods but that doesn't mean we're older, wiser and less foolish in general. There are still plenty of things we are too young to understand. We're still free to make mistakes." She said softly, wanting to comfort him so badly. She could see his struggle and it hurt her that he still tried to push her away. She wanted to shelter him from the world and keep him safe. He was dear to her after all and she didn't want to lose him. 

Lúthien looked at Jespice and she could feel the frustration at being powerless to help him. He didn't want her help, he wanted her to let go. Lúthien's expression was hurt as he pulled away from here. Somehow she hadn't thought he'd do that. She wanted to give him hope. She stared at him as he claimed that he was gone. Or rather, the Jespice she knew and scared about. Her expression turned hard. "I don't believe you." She said bluntly. "If that Jespice was truly gone, you wouldn't be here. If you want to convince me, try telling me why this supposedly different Jespice would come to me. Why Jespice?" She demanded, clinging to what she knew and not wanting to let him go. He meant too much to her for that. She couldn't let go, least of all now. He still needed her, right? To give hope and to trust and have faith. She didn't care if he didn't want it, she would be there for as long as it was needed, regardless of his desire for her to stay. 

Lúthien did not like what was happening. She watched him carefully, looking as his hand was damaged and blood appeared. She felt a small pang of pain at that, seeing him hurt. He was already broken and damaged mentally, he did not need to endure physical pain on top of that. He deserved so much better. "Why? Because I care about you. You're my friend, Jes. I need you around. I need to know that you'll be okay, that you won't make the same mistakes I did. I need to believe you can be okay, otherwise I don't think I will be." She said, her voice trailing off at the last bit. She truly believed that saving Jespice would somehow mean she'd save herself. She walked off and grabbed a piece of cloth, putting some clean water on it and walking back to Jespice. "Let me take care of you." She said softly, holding her hand up to take his and clean his wound up. 

He ignored her offer for help though, as he always seemed to do these days. A pained look shot across her face but she quickly muffled it away. She wouldn't show him how much he was hurting her. She never allowed people to get that close to her. Her face slowly morphed into that familiar mask again, the one that displayed no emotions at all. She searched his eyes. "You were my friend. I still consider you to be my friend actually. I just wish you'd stop telling me to let you go, that you'd somehow be bad for me." She said, slight frustration slipping into her voice. "I don't believe that. I won't." She said and looked at him sternly. He needed to stop saying that, stop trying to convince her that he was somehow bad. She couldn't care less about his murders and various victims. That was not her concern at all unless he planned to make her into a victim. He wouldn't though, she trusted him to not harm her. 

His words were like daggers and Lúthien stubbornly stepped forward, her hand closing around his wrist as she pulled his hand towards her and started cleaning his little wound. She listened in silence as he ranted at her but didn't look at him. Her attention was on his hands and his words. "I have no plan. I won't tell Calix because I don't want anything bad to happen to you. He has his duties and I have mine. I'm trying to protect you from yourself and offer you shelter. Why are you so eager to push me away?" She looked up at him, straight into his eyes. She searched them, hoping to find an answer to all the questions she hadn't asked him. "Don't you care about me any more? Why do you want me gone so bad?" She asked him, looking to see something that would bring her comfort and make this all easier. What was on his mind? What made him push her away like she meant nothing to him? If only she could figure that out, maybe she could change things. Just maybe, things would turn around and he'd be better again. She cold only hope. One thing was certain though, she wouldn't let go. She still had her hand around his wrist, the now bloody piece of cloth in her hand as she looked into his eyes, hoping for answers.

“I’m here to protect you from me.” Jespice hissed, frustration bubbling inside of him. He didn’t want to argue with Luthien anymore, he was causing her pain, he could tell by the look on her face. “It’s not like I don’t have feelings, Luth, I’m not the guy you cared for… Luthien, stop.” The son of Cupid tried to bite his tongue, he was starting to talk over her, trying to stop her from talking, but he wanted to let her speak. Luthien had a right to argue her case, even if Jespice didn’t want to hear any of it. The son of Cupid searched Luthien’s eyes and let out a pained laugh. “Need me? You don’t need me. When have you ever needed me? What have I ever done for you? You have Calix, you have him.” Jespice flicked his lip piercing with his tongue, his fingers were tapping anxiously and he could feel a vein in his neck pulsing. “Luthien, stop arguing with me. You know I’m a danger to you and the people you care about… Luth- No, stop!” Jespice pulled his hand back, glaring at Luthien with cold eyes when she moved to help his bleeding. The son of Cupid was jittery, his movements were over exaggerated and rash. It was like he was a wounded, cornered animal. The look in Jespice’s eyes was wild… It was clear that he was not alright. “I’m not a child” The son of Cupid muttered, wanting to inch farther away from her.

Jespice could sense the frustration building in Luthien as well. Tension was filing the small space between them. The son of Cupid gritted his teeth as she spoke. “you’re so stubborn” Jespice growled through his teeth, trying to suppress his building anger. The Roman felt like he was about to pop. Luthien was adding fuel to the fire that Jespice was desperately trying to control. He didn’t want to hurt her, he didn’t want to hurt anybody, but the son of Cupid could feel his short fuse burning. Jespice needed to end this conversation quickly then leave and go far, far away. He needed to get away from everyone and let his anger out in a way he would regret. “Stop being so stubborn” Jespice hissed, looking at the ground, glaring at Luthien through his eyelashes. “That I’m somehow bad for you?” The son of Cupid said in disbelief, slamming his hand on the hard surface of the desk again. “Where have you been? Were you not listening to me? I. Am. Dangerous.” Jespice couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of Luthien’s mouth. She was in complete and utter denial. “What can I say to make you understand? Is there another way to say this? Gods, Luthien, what do you want me to do?”

The daughter of Discordia took a step forward, stubbornly and Jespice took a step back in response. “Luthien…” He breathed, trying to keep his voice steady and calm. Her hand reached out, grabbing his wrist and pulling his back. The son of Cupid was pulled forwards roughly, back towards the other girl and her chaos. “Luth-” Jespice gasped purely from his surprise. Anger bubbled up in his chest. “What the hell?” The son of Cupid yelled, trying to pull his hand back from Luthien’s grip. She held firm, nails partially digging into Jespice’s wrist. His jaw locked, eyes dark, glaring down at the girl. “Don’t push me Luth…” The Roman huffed, clenching his hand into a fist so hard his knuckles turned white. “Would you look at me?” Jespice hissed, using his free hand to jerk Luthien’s head up to look at him. She continued her side of the argument, searching his eyes as Jespice glared back. His heart felt like ice and his mind was racing. He needed to leave. She needed to let him go now. Suddenly it as different. Luthien’s tone was different… Now it was his fault. He was unreasonably pushing her way. He was trying to get rid of her. “Keeping secrets from your husband already, what a healthy relationship.” Jespice’s voice became a snarl at the end of his sentence and he roughly pulled his hand back.

“Of course I care about you! That’s why I’m here…” Jespice was at a lost for words, it only frustrated him more. He cursed loudly and grabbed Luthien’s shoulders, shaking her roughly and pushing her backwards until something stopped him… The wall probably. “Why can’t you understand what I’m trying to say? Gods… Why?” Jespice couldn’t see clearly, something was clouding his vision. Maybe he was tearing up… maybe he was just so angry it was distorting his vision. “What do you want me to do?” Jespice yelled into Luthien’s face, his hands squeezing tighter around her arms. He was probably hurting her, but Jespice wasn’t thinking clearly. “I care about you so much…” Jespice breathed “If I didn’t I wouldn’t be here. I’m trying to protect you. I want to help you.” Blood was dripping off of Jespice’s knuckles, his wound reopened from his sudden outburst. The sound faded out around them and the son of Cupid could hear the rapid beating of his heart… or maybe that was Luthien’s heart… he couldn’t tell. “You mean more to me than anyone.” Jespice breathed, looking at Luthien desperately. “I… I…” The son of Cupid’s breath was wavering, his heart was beating so fast. He was feeling so many different emotions at once… it felt like it was choking him. Jespice looked away, breaking eye contact. He couldn’t look at her face. “I love you… Gods, I love you so much and you’re hurting me. You hurt me more than anyone else. I would die for you. I dont want to hurt you… I need you but… but I can’t have you”

Jespice looked up Luthien, his vulnerability showing clearly on his face. “You don’t want me the way I want you…” The son of Cupid let his hands loosen their grip slowly, his fingers left a mark on her skin. He rested one hand against the wall near Luthien’s head and traced the line of her jaw with the other, gently. “You don’t want me… in that way… You don’t need me like I need you… You have me… but I can’t have you.” Jespice tucked some stray strands of hair behind Luthien’s ear, the power from his parentage hovered around him similarly to the way chaos hovered around Luthien. Jespice grabbed the other girl’s chin, his thumb rubbed against her bottom lip. “You think I want to make you go away?” the son of Cupid breathed, pulling Luthien’s face closer to his own “I can prove to you that I don’t…”   Jespice leaned forwards pushing his mouth against Luthien’s like he had wanted to do so many times before. Something in the back of his mind screamed for him to stop. He was forcing this onto her. She was married. This was wrong. But Jespice wanted it so badly. He wanted her so badly. Jespice moved himself closer, trapping her with his body. What are you doing? You’re in Calix’s room… Calix will come back… The son of Cupid pushed the thoughts away. didn’t care. He didn’t care about Calix. At that moment, Jespice didn’t even care about Luthien. This was just like it had been with Elijah, but gentler. He was in pain, he wanted to mask it somehow, now he was kissing Luthien. Jespice wasn’t thinking at all but he managed to mumble “I’m sorry” with his lips still pressed against hers. A sorry excuse for an apology. Guilt swirled somewhere in Jespice’s stomach, but all he could think was At least I’m not causing her physical pain…

Lúthien was starting to feel more and more frustrated, helpless as Jespice kept repeating himself, saying it was best they didn't interact. That she needed to be protected from him as if he could somehow hurt her. It wasn't real, as Lúthien knew for sure that he wouldn't hurt her, not consciously. He cared about her, she could see it in his every move. For some reason he didn't want her to get too close and she started to suspect it wasn't actually her that needed protection, it was him. He needed to be protected from himself and whatever it was that she brought out in him. She didn't know what it was but she knew that it was powerful. He needed protection from this and Lúthien guessed it was the chaos she emitted. He was already unstable and there was no way that this chaos that surrounded her was good for him. He pulled away from her, subconsciously protecting herself. She sighed. "I need you because you're my best friend. You always manage to make me look at things from another point of view. I'm finally starting to open up and trust people again and you're part of the reasons why. Please Jes, I do need you around." She pleaded, hoping that he'd hear her this time. Hoping that for once he'd accept it and things would go back to what they had been before. She knew better but denied her own knowledge. He was to be saved.

His hitting the table didn't impress Lúthien. She didn't even flinch as he once again told her he was dangerous, telling her not to be stubborn. She looked at him, completely calm and relaxed. "Not to me. You won't hurt me." She told him, believing herself to be right. He wouldn't hurt her, he didn't want to do that. She trusted him with her life and knew he could easily take hers if he wanted to do that. He didn't though, she was sure of it. He didn't take too well to her care though and made a snide remark about her relationship with Calix. "Do you prefer to put your head on the chopping board? No matter how much Calix cares about me, he will have to do as the Legion demands. It's his job. They will probably want your head on a spike and I'm not going to give Calix any reason to do that. It would hurt me to see that happen to you and it hurts him to see me hurt. In the end, we'd all lose in that situation. Some things are better left unspoken." She told him calmly, not taking his accusations to heart. Jespice was just fighting with the means he had, she couldn't blame him for that. 

Despite knowing he didn't want to hurt her, Lúthien was well aware he could. A tight grip on her shoulders before he shook her like a rag doll. He was angry, frustrated and pushed her back against a wall. Lúthien didn't fight him, the pressure causing her plenty discomfort but her pain border had risen considerably after her encounter with Pluto. The many scars on her arms were the result of torture, making the pain she felt now feel much less impressive. She knew it would leave a mark but it was easier to ignore the nagging pain and stay calm. He didn't want this, but what he did want became more of a mystery to her with every passing minute. She looked up into his eyes and they were slightly hazy. Was he almost crying? Her words distracted, brought a great confusion to her and Lúthien didn't know what to think. She could feel something in the air, something that wasn't choas. Love, perhaps? It was his sphere of power after all, his father was Cupid. She could feel the chaos around her trying to merge with whatever it was though, and Lúthien started to get nervous. She looked at Jespice, hoping to distract herself from whatever was hanging in the air. Her heart was racing in her chest, as a sense of dread started to take over.

Jespice then looked away before speaking again. His words were like shards of ragged ice plunged into her heart. He loved her? That was what it was? Love? She stood completely frozen. Lúthien had never been good at this sort of thing but never in a million years could she have guessed it was love. Jespice was in love with her. He looked at her again but Lúthien was completely frozen in shock. What he said was true, what he wanted from her was something she couldn't give him. She loved him like a friend but nothing more. Just as a friend. Lúthien hated knowing this and would much prefer something else, anything else really. He came closer and Lúthien could feel her emotions starting to get blurry. He was affecting her somehow. Her heart skipped a beat and she just couldn't look at him any longer. He was charming her and she knew it somewhere in the back of her mind. Love and chaos swirled around them and Lúthien finally understood what Elijah felt when he was with Jack. Something electric, poisonous almost but extremely intense. Addictive, probably.

She was almost deaf to his words but his actions spoke enough to her. He acted like he was going to kiss her, every single fibre of her being protesting against it while this tension in the air told her that she wanted this, she wanted him to kiss her. She knew it wasn't real and that she didn't want this. She wanted to back up but her back was already against the wall and he had her cornered. Before she knew it his lips were on her own and he was kissing her. She was about to try and get away but he must have sensed it because he locked her in place with his body, pressing it against her own. Lúthien moved her arms, placing her hands against his stomach and pushing, subtly at first but harder when he didn't back off. She was married and this wasn't his place! Her heart was breaking for him but there was nothing she could do. When Lúthien next blinked she felt something wet running across her cheeks. Was she crying now? "Please Jes..." She whispered as he apologised. "Stop..." She said, pushing against him again, trying to make him back up. She didn't want this to happen because she knew it wouldn't end up well in the long run. This thing, it would only cause both of them more pain. Perhaps he was right and it was better if he stayed away. Maybe she had lost the only friend she had. Sure, she had the girls but she felt more tolerated than loved within those circles. Yet even now she didn't give up on him. She just needed to figure out what was going on.

For once, Calix had everything going for him. Camp was safe with no further threats from the enemies outside of the wall (or even inside), he and Elijah were churning out paperwork easily, the Legion was becoming stronger and more disciplined by the day, and he was married to the love of his life. The sight of the ring on his finger every time he looked down was one the Legacy still hadn’t gotten used to after two months and always acted as a very pleasant reminder of the woman he now called his wife. Calix found it interesting how his relationship with Lúthien might have seemed unchanged to the casual observer and it was true that it hadn’t monumentally. But the atmosphere felt different. Calix didn’t know how to describe it, but the air smelled sweeter, the sun shone brighter, the kisses made the butterflies fly higher and everything became better. Calix never remembered being able to sigh so deeply and smile so widely without fear of the consequences. All because of one person. Of course, even before their marriage, Lúthien changed brightened Calix’s day to standards he didn’t know possible, and he believed it couldn’t get any better. But being able to officially call her his brought it to an entirely different level.

Calix started down the ladder of the wall after a nearly full-day shift. It was still the spring so the heat hadn’t gotten to its worst yet, but he still felt the effects of the sun beating down on a clear day. And, as much as the praetor enjoyed wearing his uniform, he had to admit he couldn’t wait to get home. The joy also may have been attributed to the fact that he knew how much Lúthien loved seeing him in the gold, and he’d do anything and everything (including risking passing out) just to see her smile. And that, in turn, made him smile. Not for the first time, Calix marveled at the change he’d undergone in the course of the two years since moving to New York. A change that usually took much longer, and he was glad for it. At the bottom of the wall he straightened out his sword belt and started off on the stone path back to the Principia. He passed Legionnaires who walked with such greater confidence than when they’d first arrived. They walked with a purpose and a predetermined destination instead of seeming lost. Just like their leader, he mused to himself. With the same confident air, Calix responded to those who greeted him, half conscious of the people around him, the other half focused on who was waiting for him. Unconsciously he walked faster… and the closer he got… the closer he knew something was wrong..

It started right outside of the Principia. Something hit Calix. It wasn’t violent or necessarily uncomfortable but different. Calix’s hand stopped more than half way to the doorknob when he felt it. The hesitation was only for a second because the next, he practically shouldered it open. The Legacy already had a hand on the pommel of his gladius and by the level of what hit him when he walked through the door, he had a feeling he would have to use it. Calix had gotten better at sensing the changes in the air, it came with being around two children of Discordia all day. Once again, the atmosphere wasn’t anything malicious. In fact it was sweet. But that was the problem. It was too sweet. Sickly. Like something overripe to the point it was disgusting. And it was coming from his room. Suddenly everything he felt from on top of the wall, feeling on top of the world became replaced with suspicion. His heart slowed in his chest and he took slow, deep breaths. And with a grunt, shouldered that door open as well.

He wasn’t prepared for what he saw. Next to his desk, up against the wall was his wife. And pressed up against her, with is lips on her… Jespice Cane. Jespice. Kissing Lúthien. His wife… with another man. His wife… pushing him back. That’s what stopped it. That’s what drew the line between devastation and pure anger. She was pushing him back, and he swore that he heard her tell him to stop. He knew she loved him. Only him. He’d be an idiot if he didn’t. Jespice wasn’t just kissing the love of his life…. he was hurting her. And that made him snap. All of these thoughts passed through his mind in a split second. Jespice, Lúthien, forcing, hurting, and in the next second he rushed forward. Calix closed his hand on Jespice’s shoulder and pulled him away from his wife. He curled the other hand and let it fly straight into the other man’s face with a yell of defiance. Jespice fell and Calix was on him, digging his knee into his torso, his fists going, trying to hurt him, trying to hurt him so badly. [color=#A52A2A] “THAT’S. MY. WIFE!” Another punch, and another, and another. Calix felt pain also… Jespice must have been fighting back. But that made his hits all the more fiercer. Calix might have been bleeding. He didn’t care. He didn’t care. He was hurting Lúthien. He was hurting his wife!

Stop. She was telling him to stop… Luthien even said please… Jespice grunted, his mouth on hers even as she pushed against his stomach. The sound was acknowledgement that he had heard Luthien, it was to tell her know that he knew what she wanted, but he didn’t care. Jespice wanted this. The feeling in the room was sickly, like the smell of flowers that were old and ready to die. It was too sweet, grossly sweet. It even made the son of Cupid’s stomach churn and he was part of the aura’s cause. Jespice’s opened his eyes, still connected to Calix’s wife. Her face so close to his own, her eyes becoming red from the tears that were beginning to overflow. She was still so beautiful in Jespice’s mind… She was beautiful, but he clearly wasn’t thinking straight. The son of Cupid wanted to laugh and pull away, say “see this is what I do, this is what happens”, but he didn’t. The pressure against his stomach increased. Luthien was trying to get him to back off, but Jespice didn’t let up. It was proof. Proof that he couldn’t be trusted.


Jespice didn’t notice that someone else had entered the room until a hand clamped down on his shoulder. The grip was so forceful and rough it would have sent shivers down the son of Cupid’s spine if he had had time to process the feeling before another feeling over came him. Jespice could hear the crack of bones before he felt it. Calix’s fist easily crushed the small bones in the younger Roman’s nose. The Praetor’s angered yell quickly filled the room, Jespice didn’t even have time to react to his own pain before he was tackled to the ground. “Calix.” The son of Cupid breathed just before the older boy’s knee rammed into his chest. Jespice felt more cracking, his vision blurred, without thinking his own fist flew back. A poor attempt at counter attack. He was a child of love against a legacy of war. Jespice heard Calix’s rage between the blows. The Praetor was beating him relentlessly, the son of Cupid was barely able to land a punch. Jespice had never been in a fight like this before, he wasn’t sure what to do or how to fight back.


They were both bleeding, though most of what was on Calix was Jespice’s blood. The son of Cupid was pinned, the older Roman’s knee was digging into his torso, crushing him. Blood was dripping out of the corner of Jespice’s mouth, he had bit his tongue when Calix had tackled him to the ground. Jespice was grabbing at Calix’s clothes and arms, trying to find a way to push the older boy off of him. “Get. Off. Of… Me!” The son of Cupid coughed, spitting blood into the Praetor’s face. His hands flew up wildly, trying in anyway he could to get ahold of something. The teeagner’s fingers gripped Calix’s uniform, and with all the strength he could muster, he pulled flung his arm to the side. Pulling the much stronger Calix off of him. FInally the son of Cupid could breathe, but he wasn’t thinking about that yet. Jespice tried to stagger to his feet, his equilibrium thrown off from the barrage of blows to his head. He stumbled backwards, his back slammed against the wall farthest from Calix and Luthien, sputtering curses in Latin. Jespice’s eyes were dark with rage, watering from the blood that was dripping into them. The wounds on his face naturally bled more than the other parts of his body, making him look more damaged than he actually was.

With his hazy eyes, heavy breathing and low stance, Jespice looked like a cornered animal, his eyes were darting back and forth between Luthien and Calix. The daughter of Discordia had made it clear that she would never go against him, but the surprise of Calix’s attacks made it hard for him to think straight. They both looked like a threat to Jespice. Adrenaline pulsed through his veins, and his heart was beating against his chest. The son of Cupid could feel any pain, his body was momentarily blocking the pain. The taste of blood filled Jespice’s mouth, disgusted he spit onto the floor. “You’ll pay for this”The son of Cupid hissed, looking at Calix with narrow eyes, his jaw was clenched tight. Jespice ran his tongue along his lower lip, tasting blood and the metal from his lip piercing. A twisted smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, exposing red stained teeth. “I’ll… I’ll kill you” Jespice said, walking backward so he could stare at Calix, making his way to the door. A laugh bubbled up in his trough, deranged, sickly sweet like the feeling that was still in the room. “I’ll kill you!” He yelled, his whole demeanor suddenly changing. Jespice was in the doorway now, looking at Calix with a dark expression. The son of Cupid wavered for a split second and his eyes darted to Luthien. “You still trust me, love?”

Jespice’s searched Luthien’s face for a hint of what she was thinking, but the son of Cupid was conscious of Calix. Staying here wasn’t a good idea. He bit his lip, taking a step backward out of the room. The sickly sweet hovered around his body, when his whole body was out of the room it went with him. Jespice’s eyes found Luthien’s again and he shook his head. “don’t.” the son of Cupid said, but no sound came passed through his lips. His face broke into another insane grin, it was forced but it didn’t appear to be… Jespice was getting used to acting. Another step backwards. He looked back at Calix with his bloody crimson smile, turned, and then Jespice was gone. He wondered what the his actions would cause, but from the look on Calix’s face the son of Cupid knew it would be nothing less than the worse the Praetor could give him. Cold metal demanded attention in his hand. Jespice hadn’t even realized he had grabbed the ring Luth had given him. He looked at that dark metal with dull eyes. “I’m sorry” Jespice whispered into the metal, pressing it’s coolness against his bloodied lips. It fell through his fingers, hitting the ground with a metallic noise that was covered by the sound of Jespice’s foot steps.

“I’m sorry”

Lúthien had never been good at handling any situation to do with love and attraction. Nobody really communicated in the same way she did, making her fail to notice signs of attraction at pretty much any point. She hadn't even noticed it with Calix at first and had been extremely confused when he had shown that he was attracted to her. By now, she was his wife though and she had long since known he was the only one for her. Soulmate, true love, whatever you chose to call it. Although Lúthien cared about Jespice, it certainly wasn't in that way. His flirting had been so extremely obvious even Lúthien had vaguely noticed it but she had not been impressed by it at all. No, the roses and flirting he'd done before his fall were all amusing at best. She never thought they could possibly mean anything, least of all where she was concerned. People just didn't like her that way. She knew that she was beautiful by now but her personality still was less than agreeable to most people at best. How she managed to attract the attention and affection of not just one but three boys after coming to camp was still a riddle to her. Calix, Jespice and Fergus. Yet only one of them had stolen her heart. She had married Calix and she couldn't be happier. Of course there were still things she wished were different, she wished Jespice hadn't joined the tripartite, that she didn't have to hurt people she loved because her heart could only belong to one man. 

Right now though, Lúthien wanted Jespice to stop. He was hurting her and he knew it. She knew he was trying to make a point but somehow she didn't fear him, she couldn't it. It just hurt because she was losing one of her best friends. She was losing somebody she cared an awful lot about. She tried to push him off, did her best to convince him that he needed to back off and not follow whatever feelings led him to do this. Move on or something, whatever worked. She didn't want to lose her friend. 

A moment that felt like half a century later, the door opened and Lúthien could feel the swirl of chaos as Calix took a short ride that ended in rage. It was thick in the air even before the boys started their fight. Lúthien was locked to the wall in fear and horror as her closest friend and husband started one hell of a fight that Lúthien knew Jespice couldn't win, he was a lover, not a fighter. Calix had the blood of a war goddess, even if it was diluted by a few generations. It was very strong, especially when he got angry. Right now, he was beyond angry and it didn't take very long for blood to start flowing. Probably mostly belonging to Jespice. It took Lúthien what felt like forever to even start realising what was going on up to such a point that she unfroze. "Stop!" She yelled at both of them but naturally they didn't listen, too caught up in the fight they were having. Lúthien took a few tentatives steps forward, knowing it was not her place to pull them off each other this time. This was their fight, not hers. Still, she wished they would stop as neither of them could actually change her mind on how she wanted things to be. They were the way she liked them. Married to Calix, friends with Jespice.

When they finally broke apart and Jespice vowed to murder her husband, Lúthien looked at him with an incredible sadness in her eyes. She hadn't been able to save him. He just said he'd do the thing she'd given her life not to do. She felt like breaking down but as Jespice made his way out, her eyes were glued to him, knowing she could do nothing to change things. For once, she did as she was told, she stayed behind. She didn't love Jespice and it would be cruel to linger near him. Not just that, she had something far more important to do now. Shaking like a leaf, Lúthien walked over to the sink and made a piece of cloth wet before walking over to Calix, kneeling next to him, hardly even aware of the tears that were running down her face freely. She started slowly cleaning up his face a bit, rubbing the blood off and gently cleaning the injuries out he had sustained a bit. 

When he looked a little more like himself, not covered in blood, Lúthien finally broke down. She broke down crying and leaned her head against his chest. "I'm so sorry... didn't know... I failed...." She muttered between ragged breathing as waves of tears hit. "Didn't save him from making the same mistakes I did..." She muttered and her hands started to grip him a little tighter, clinging to him. "I couldn't do the one thing right..." She whispered softly as she cried against him. He wouldn't leave her, he loved her. It was the only thing she felt was still certain. "I'm sorry, I tried to push him off... wasn't strong enough, not good enough." She muttered, knowing she was to blame for all of this. If she hadn't joined the tripartite he wouldn't have. That bitterness that had almost gotten her killed had landed him in the same situation. At that point she just fell silent, taking deep breaths and letting everything about him she could sense wash over her. His scent, slightly mingled with that metallic tinge. The slightly cold feel of the gold he wore at work and the feel of his skin against her fingers. "I'm sorry Calix.... I really tried."

Calix knew that Jespice didn’t fight. It didn’t come naturally to a son of Cupid, and the praetor had a clear advantage. And it’s something the Legacy was distinctly aware of. Despite the war in his blood, Calix did not abuse what little power he had inherited from his father. Calix only used force when threatened, opting to use his words instead, like the diplomat his father raised him to be. A true leader who didn’t rely on brute force like a barbarian (and many Greeks, he was certain) but a true leader like a Roman. It’s something he ingrained in himself from a very young age, and very rarely did the Legacy become angry. He took everything seriously and, even when agitated, it took a long time and a lot of factors to anger him enough to physically lash out. He liked to think he had a sound mind, always thinking things through before he acted. This mindset followed the praetor to the Arena as well. He would never go too far in a spar. The only time he would show no mercy was in war. He’d never press the advantage that his heritage granted him. But with the piece of scum that was shamelessly hurting his wife, Calix would press and press and make sure he bled. And bleed he did.

But the other demigod wasn’t completely hopeless. The training of Legion (or simply the training done individually) had given Jespice strong arms, and Calix felt it when a fist flew into his right eye with a quick follow-up of another blow to his mouth. While the praetor could be confident that most of the blood on his face belonged to the son of Cupid, he felt his lip bust right then and there and blood trickled down into his mouth. He bared his teeth, growling like an animal, probably looking as feral as one as well. Jespice hissed at him, and Calix raised another hand only to get spat at. He shook his head, teeth gritting, disgusted beyond belief. He never remembered being this angry at a single person. Calix always thought, after the fiasco with the pictures, he and Jespice were at least on amiable terms. The son of Cupid had a hand in keeping Calix sane during the disappearance of Lúthien by gifting her Amroth all those months ago. Only to do this. He hated Jespice. He hated him. He hated him. Somewhere in the background, Calix heard an agonized cry. Unfortunately, he knew the voice of the scream. He’d heard that scream before. And at that moment, Calix hesitated. Only for a second, right after a blow so it looked as if he was only taking a slight reprieve before unleashing the next onslaught. And it was enough for Jespice to throw him off. “Grah!” The praetor growled, clawing at Jespice’s clothing once more before his back hit the ground. He pulled himself into a sitting position, struggling just a tad due to the sudden ringing in his ears, but he could still make out the retreating form of the snake.

Calix saw the full extent of the damage then. He resisted the urge to smirk at the sight. He couldn’t even walk correctly because of the punches. Jespice staggered back and hit the wall, something Calix hoped hurt him either more. The son of Cupid looked insane, the malicious feeling bubbling and spilling over while, in the chest of the praetor, he found it simmering and, if given even more time… it’d disappear. It was a thought that made him breathe easier and clear his mind enough to fully process what went on around him. The fact that Jespice threatened him. The small amount of clarity was enough for him to realize that Jespice meant every word. He really meant to kill him. He saw it clearly though hoped with all he had that it had been the spur of the moment that inspired the heated proclamation. Calix straightened as much as he could then realized his shoulders and neck had taken a beating as well. He wouldn’t back down to Jespice, but wouldn’t stand so as to not instigate a second round. He took a breath. Calmer. Callmer. He’d made his statement. He bit back a retort to his challenge and, with greater difficulty, bit back his anger at the other man’s calling his wife ‘love’. But soon enough he was gone. And Lúthien immediately went to his side.

Calix’s eyes flickered to her as she started washing his face. She looked scared and disturbed by what just occurred, and Calix felt the guilt wash over him. “Lúthien…” he whispered. Her strokes were gentle, and he only cringed when she touched his upper lip. The rest of the injuries didn’t seem too bad. The throbbing of his soon to be black eye, the cut on his lip. The red marks on his neck where Jespice had scratched at him. Nothing at all compared to what he had done to the other boy… or what they both did to Lúthien. Calix reached forward and caressed her arm with two fingers, trying to catch her eye but not succeeding. He kept his mouth shut, giving her time to gather her thoughts and let her tell him what’s on her mind instead of jumping to conclusions. Calix continued to touch her soothingly up until the second where she broke apart in his arms. Her head found its way to his chest, and Calix immediately wrapped his arms around her. The stroking resumed on her back, drawing circles and running up and down while he touched his lips to the top of her head. She muttered what Calix saw as nonsense. He knew she and Jespice were very close. But the son of Cupid had gone down a path Lúthien was able to steer away from. She tried to right him… but it only resulted in what just occurred. A situation unfavorable to everyone. Lúthien clutched him tighter as more sobs racked her body, and Calix began to ‘sh’ in her ear comfortingly. He adopted a slow rocking motion in order to soothe her further. He stopped when she fell silent and pulled back a tiny bit.

“You didn’t fail. You tried your hardest. You did the best you could.” He pulled far enough to kiss her cheek and moved even further so he rested his forehead against hers. Calix stared determinedly into her green eyes. “You did your best. I know you did. No one can ask you for more than that... but are you hurt?” Tentatively, the praetor reached up and brushed her lips with his thumb. “Did he hurt you?”

There were some things that Calix didn't really know. Or maybe he knew but didn't understand quite the implication they had on his wife. Jespice was probably one of them as the two could not possibly see eye to eye on anything apart from their feelings toward her. Lúthien didn't know how to fix that or somehow change that to something better for the both of them. She was completely lost and held on to her anchor, to Calix. She was glad he wasn't mad at her for what had happened. What should she have done differently? How could she have avoided this? Stopped this even? Lúthien didn't know the answer to that. She wasn't even fully sure it was possible. She just knew she hated either of those men suffering. Even more so when she knew she couldn't be there for both of them. She had to make a choice and that choice was known to all of them. It would always be Calix.

With her head buried in the chest of her beloved, she slowly felt herself calming down a little bit as he drew soothing circles on her back, reassuring her, calming her down. No matter what had happened, there was no way to change it now. She had failed and goodness knew she'd given her best shot. She had tried and tried again, told Jespice that she was there for him, tried to support him and be a good friend but in the end it changed nothing. Jespice was unstable because of everything he'd been through. Lúthien had been luckier, more blessed by life and maybe by the Gods. He at times appeared to be cursed by his own father. Or maybe he had fallen for her because Cupid thought Lúthien would save him. Maybe she'd not only let herself and Jespice down, but his father as well. Maybe she had lost her only shot to redeem herself and make everything she'd done wrong right again.

"I did fail." She said softly, hardly louder than a whisper on the breeze. "I promised myself I'd save him. You believe in the Gods. Maybe Jespice fell in love with me because Cupid thought I could save his son. I have failed in my only task. I couldn't save one of my best friends no matter how hard I tried. That is failure to me." She muttered yet when she saw his eyes looking at her she instantly felt better. He still loved her and believed in her. She gave him a short kiss after his thumb brushed her lips gently. "He didn't hurt. Despite everything he said and did, I still don't believe he could actually hurt me physically. The most painful thing about this was seeing you both fight and knowing I couldn't stop it. He deserved what he got and you had every right to defend me. It hurts me that you got hurt and that he got hurt, no matter how much he deserved it. I don't want either of you in any kind of pain. I love you Calix, and I'm sorry you got hurt because of me. Because I couldn't save him." She said, letting him know exactly what was going on in her mind. She didn't tell him what group Jespice was part of but she didn't want him to know just yet. If possible, she had to find out if there was an alternative. For as far as she knew, being part of the tripartite was punishable by death.

((Sorry it's not longer but I didn't want it to get suckish and rambly))