Elijah, Elijah, Let Me In!

“I don’t know if I can do that!” Melia squeaked.  She looked down at her toes and continued, “Us nymphs don’t often…He might…It’s just…”

Jack smiled and ran his index finger along her jaw before gently lifting her chin.  Holding her bright green eyes, he answered softly, “You’re a beautiful young woman!  Why would anybody say ‘no’ to you?  Besides, I didn’t say it was all for me.  I’m happy to share, especially with you.  Even if you don’t let your hair down often, it won’t harm you now.  Please?”  Jack gave the young wood nymph his best puppy dog eyes.  He knew that expression rarely ever worked for him, but it didn’t need to.  More often than not, just watching him attempt such a thing was enough to get what he wanted.  Melia blushed and cast her eyes downward again.

“Maybe I could try…” she began.  “But what if he sees through me?”

“He won’t,” Jack firmly assured her.  “I’ll help make sure he doesn’t.  Look at this beautiful hair!”  He lightly lifted a few strands of her long brown hair, taking the time to examine it carefully.  “We just need to do it up nice, and nobody will think twice.  Take a seat!  I’ll help you with it right here!”  Coaxing her to the ground, Jack positioned himself at her side and gently combed his fingers through her hair.  Picking up a few strands, he carefully began to braid it, adding in strands as he went in order to secure it to her head.  After reaching her other ear, he continued down the back of her head, leaving enough of her hair flowing down her back.  He finished off the crown, twisted the ends to make it stay, and combed his fingers through the still loose hair.  “Beautiful,” he smiled, sitting back to admire the work.  “Not that you weren’t already, of course, but this is just…”  He sighed.  “It’s wonderful.  You think you can really do this for me?”

The nymph nodded breathlessly.  “I think I can,” she answered.  “And you’ll…”

“Hold up my end of the bargain,” Jack interrupted with a smile.  Leaning in, he kissed her lightly on the cheek.  “Thank you, Melia.”  Standing, Jack offered one more smile before sauntering away around the corner of the Principia.  The nymphs could be so very helpful sometimes.  It was quite pleasant, really.  Offer a smile and a bit of a reward, and nobody was able to resist.

The door of the Principia came up rather quickly, but that didn’t bother Jack one bit.  After all, he was on his way to see his boyfriend.  Nothing could brighten the day the same way Elijah did.  Jack let himself in and made his way back towards Elijah’s room.  The door was shut, like always, so Jack turned the handle to let himself in there, too.  Strangely, the door was locked.  Elijah never locked his door, especially when he knew Jack was coming.  Pounding on the door, Jack called out, “Elijah?  It’s me!  Can I come in?”  There was no verbal response, but something else came from the room.  Frowning, Jack attempted to look down at the pendant hanging from his neck.  He had put it on in order to gauge the nymph’s reactions.  Apparently he had forgotten to take it off again before coming to see Elijah.  It was sending him a strange mix of upset, anger, sadness, and other things in the way that only Elijah could do.  There were many reasons Jack never wore his pendant around his boyfriend, but the confusing mix of emotions was one of them.

Jack looked up and pounded on the door again.  “Elijah, I know you’re in there!  Let me in!” he demanded.

Sometimes Elijah hated all the windows in his room in the Principia.  Sure, the natural light couldn't be beat and various views around camp were wonderful, but in the winter months, it got awfully cold.  Even during the day, the boy could feel himself shivering.  But it was okay...it wasn't like the small boy spent a lot of his time in his room.  Typically, Elijah was in the main room of the Principia, working through paperwork and issues the Legionnaires brought to him and Calix.  But Calix was out and Elijah didn't feel like sitting in the large main room alone...he had done that for too long, and it brought up too many bad memories.  The boy wasn't looking forward to a day alone, so at breakfast, the son of Discordia had asked his boyfriend to come over at some point.  Neither one of them liked to say no to those moments, so Jack had promised he'd be over.  It didn't really matter to Elijah when that was...at that moment, though.  But now he was in his cold room, attempting to keep reading.  And it wasn't surprising that a child of chaos was having some concentration issues.  He had been reading for...hours?  Honestly, the boy had no idea how long he had been waiting for Jack.  Throwing his book to the side in exasperation, Elijah got up off his bed.  He had thrown the book to the other side...and it looked like he was lucky it had missed the window.  The Praetor didn't want to deal with fixing or replacing a broken window...he was pretty sure there wasn't any extra glass hanging around and there was really no way to contact the nearest glass fixers or whatever.  "This place was not built for me," the boy mumbled grumpily.  He was lucky more damage hadn't been done in general.  Elijah thought about the day he and Jack had met, and how when he had returned to his room, he had thrown everything breakable he could.  And how Calix had come in and showed Elijah that he wasn't just his partner in the main room of the Principia...he was a friend.

"Jack, where are you?" Elijah sighed, walking to the other side of his bed to get his book.  Grabbing the book, the boy tossed it onto his bed, doing a double take when he caught something out the window.  Seeing something outside that window wasn't a big surprise...it was a nice little part of camp, a shallow stream with a few nymphs who mostly didn't care if campers hung around.  It was nice in the warmer months, campers taking advantage of the cool water by wading.  Although he didn't see as many people out when it was cold, Elijah was used to it.  Usually he kept the curtains closed so no one could look in, but the sun was out and no one was there, so the curtains were drawn.  But it wasn't just any camper out there, it was Jack, obviously turning up the charm on one of the nymphs.  It wasn't hard to tell...the son of Venus had that look in his eyes that he wanted something.  Elijah was very familiar with that look...seeing his boyfriend using it on someone else was a little upsetting.  The Praetor watched as Jack fixed the nymph's hair, seeing her giggling.  Oh Gods...was that how Elijah got when his boyfriend was doing that to him?  How many people (and nymphs) had Jack looked at like that...a look that the small boy thought was reserved for him.  Hair and a kiss on the cheek.  Jack obviously wanted something...Gods knew what.

Elijah knew that flirting was in Jack's nature.  The older boy was a son of Venus for Gods' sakes!  It shouldn't bother the small boy, not like this.  But the nymph's face and Jack's face...quickly closing the curtains, Elijah slid down the wall next to the window.  Taking deep breaths, the boy tried to relax himself...otherwise he would start radiating.  But the Praetor had never been any good at chaos control, and he could feel that odd shift where he knew it was coming.  Jack had to be on his way in now...and for the first time in a long time, Elijah didn't want to see his boyfriend.  As much as the boy tried to hide it, he had so many insecurities about everything...and rather low self esteem.  It was getting better with Jack, but the Praetor had so many issues about who he was and what he did.  Years of torment from his peers, borderline abuse from his father and step-mother, being a loner...all of it resulted in a small boy who wanted to be himself and love himself.  No one really knew about Elijah's low confidence...River and Jack, probably.  And he had never said anything explicitly...River and Jack just knew him well enough to know these things.  Jack loved Elijah, the boy knew that, but it didn't mean he felt the pangs of unease and fear when he saw the older boy acting like that.  And really, the son of Venus kept it reined in when he was with Elijah...but that didn't make it easier when the son of Discordia saw it clandestinely.

With the loud pounding on the door, Elijah found himself jarred back into the present.  He was sitting against the wall, knees bent and pulled to his chest, his arms circling them.  That was Jack pounding on the door.  Jack, who loved Elijah.  Jack, who would do anything he could to get what he wanted (no, don't think like that!)  Jack, who had no idea what Elijah had just witnessed.  Trying not to panic or start radiating badly, the small boy listened, eyes wide.  "Go away!" the boy finally yelled.  He could feel the tears forming in his eyes.  Was he just one of many at camp pulled in by Jack Wheelan's charm?  No, don't think like that!  Jack loved him...the small boy didn't doubt that for a moment.  He had the burn scar to prove it.  But the was different...Elijah had caught Jack in the act.  Turning up the charm on some poor nymph...did Elijah fall prey just as easily?  "I'm in here...and I want you to go away!" he snapped.  Such a frail ego...and Elijah had to survive, no matter what it took.

“Go away!  I’m in here…and I want you to go away!”

Well.  That wasn’t the reaction Jack had been expecting.  He should have known better.  He should have known that the locked door and the initial lack of response was meant to keep him away.  But he was Jack.  He was naïve and self-centered and expected Elijah to throw himself into his arms and tell him what was wrong.  With the emotions pouring out of the room and the way Elijah was so clearly radiating on the other side of the door, something was most definitely wrong.  Jack was just too stupid to realize that the ‘something wrong’ included him.  He was the ‘something wrong’.  Or something he did was the ‘something wrong’.  It just took him a few moments too long to realize that.  And when he did…he frowned.  What had he done?  He thought back through the day in an attempt to figure it out.  Elijah had been quite pleasant that morning when he had asked Jack to come by.  In fact, he had almost seemed overjoyed when Jack agreed.  After that, the two had gone their own separate ways.  Jack had things he needed to do, and Elijah probably had work as well.  They hadn’t seen each other since breakfast, so what could Jack have done in that time to make his boyfriend so upset?

“Elijah?” he called again.  “Please let me in!  You asked me here, so here I am.  Just…just let me in!”  Jack put his hand on the door, hoping and praying that Elijah would come open the door and pull him into the room.  He had been so looking forward to spending the afternoon with his boyfriend.  The last thing he wanted was to be shut out.  What if Elijah didn’t come to the door, though?  What if he remained shut out?  What if he was told to go away again?  He could go get River.  The girl was far too good at figuring out what was wrong with the son of Discordia, and she usually knew how to cheer him up.  Maybe she could help.  Maybe she could draw Elijah out of his shell and determine what was up with the strange emotions.

No.  Jack wouldn’t do that.  Elijah was his boyfriend, the young man he loved dearly.  They were going to hit bumps in the road, but Jack couldn’t keep running to River to solve all of their problems.  If they were going to work out at all, they needed to figure out how to solve their problems on their own.  How was he supposed to do that if Elijah stubbornly refused to let him in, though?  Wait…maybe that was it.  Maybe Jack needed to be equally stubborn.  He often caved into his boyfriend’s wishes way too easily.  It was about time he stood up for himself.

Hand still on the door, Jack slid down to his knees, and finally sat down.  Turning on the spot, he rested his back against the door and pulled his knees up to his chest.  Calling back through the door, he yelled, “I’m not going anywhere!  I’m going to sit right here until you decide to let me in!  And if you don’t, I’ll stay here until you come out!  You have to come out at some point, you know!”

Jack was there.  Jack was right there!  Elijah pictured his boyfriend on the other side of the door, being judged by the small boy and having no idea why.  But for once, words weren't coming to easy to the boy.  Jack was on the other side of the door, probably rather confused, while Elijah was having some sort of existential crisis.  He shouldn't be doubting the older boy's love.  It was totally wrong...because he knew the son of Venus loved him...and a lot.  Jack was flirty.  He just was, that was just a part of who he was.  But Elijah was panicking.  He should have figured this all out earlier, the way he saw it.  It was a really deep rooted fear inside him that just blew up all of a sudden.  All the insecurities and terrors that the boy had been pushing to the side were suddenly right in front of him.  Elijah couldn't deny them any longer...it was time to face the music.  But the boy didn't want to.  He wanted to keep pretending.  The world saw a very different Elijah than the one he was in his head.  Maybe some of that had changed, but the son of Discordia always felt conflicted when it came to that.  As much as people had been making him a better person since getting to camp, the boy felt like he had a certain image to uphold.  Aggressive, angry, confident...a mix of things that were and things that weren't.  Softie seemed too generous, but Elijah had a lot more control over himself than he ever had before.  He was getting better at sharing things...his emotions, his loves, his fears...laughter...the small boy had never been very good at that before, and that was much different.  Right now, though, the Praetor had to get out of his head.  That was something he was still too good at.

Thinking he heard Jack sitting against the door, Elijah got up shakily.  He moved to sit with his back against the door, knees pulled to his chest and arms circling his knees.  Briefly, the boy wondered if his back was lined up with Jack's there.  An overly romantic notion.  Talking through the door wasn't very romantic, but with tears threatening to spill, Elijah didn't want to show his face.  Like any boy, the son of Discordia had been raised not to cry.  It was a sign of weakness...or so they said.  The boy didn't exactly feel that way, because he was more and more anti-gender stereotypes every day, but it was still difficult.  Jack had seen his boyfriend cry, so that wasn't the issue...it was just that Elijah didn't want Jack to know why he was crying.  Even through the weird anger-pain mix, the small boy just wanted to shield Jack.  He didn't want the older boy to know it was his fault.  Though it wasn't really.  Elijah was currently a victim to his own low self confidence.  So he had to figure out how to work this out with his boyfriend without cluing the son of Venus into the low self-esteem bit.  The small, logical voice in the boy's head was trying to remind him that Jack probably already knew- Venus's pendant probably picked up on all that.

Taking another moment of quiet, Elijah ran his finger along the small crack between the bottom of the door and the floor.  Jack's words rang in the small boy's head, loud and echoey.  "Don't be stubborn," Elijah finally called out.  "I'm the stubborn one!" Elijah felt the chaos rushing through him...the jumbled thoughts and flashing emotions.  Anger, pain, fear, suspicion, all of it.  Over and over, popping up and vanishing just as quickly.  Repeating, ebbing through him.  The boy wasn't entirely sure how to tackle all that at once.  He wanted to open the door and drag his boyfriend in so they could talk face to face.  Preferably holding hands, or relaxed holding each other.  But that was the thing...Elijah was so stubborn.  And he wasn't going to open that door.  Jack had seen many sides of Elijah and knew how to handle them.  He knew how to shut the small boy up with a single look or kiss him until the boy had no idea what he had been talking about.  The older boy knew his boyfriend, and the small boy wasn't going to give him that advantage.  Not after he had seen what he had seen with the nymph.  And even though Elijah was sure Jack wasn't seeing anyone on the side or anything, he just didn't like seeing the older boy acting that way with anyone.  It happened.  Jack was charismatic and touchy-feely and hell, a son of Venus.  This had already gotten blown out of proportion...and if no one did anything, Elijah and Jack would be stubbornly sitting on opposite sides of the door forever.

With a deep breath, Elijah shifted slightly, pressing his hand against the door.  "I saw, you know," he said softly, but loud enough for Jack to hear through the wood.  "Outside...with the nymph.  And I..." the boy trailed off, unsure of where to go from there.  He couldn't go too far without admitting how low he viewed himself.  Just a useless, pointless, disposable human being.  There was nothing particularly special about the boy.  The type of person who one could easily say goodbye to.  He was replaceable...and...and Jack might do just that if Elijah didn't do something.  He had to be the one to initiate the fixing of this problem.  "And I shouldn't make a big deal out of this.  I just get scared, Jack.  I don't want to force you to be someone you're not.  I know you get flirty and you can get things done by being charming and all that...I just didn't want to see it," words, phrases, still dancing around the bigger problem.  But Elijah didn't know how he could possibly go further.  He was frightened...if Jack didn't believe Elijah's confession...it might not be enough.  "Is your pendant on?" Elijah finally asked.  He would think that would back up his words.  But he still wasn't sure what to say.  "You shouldn't even deal with me, you know.  You deserve much better.  Someone who has self-esteem.  Someone who won't beat themselves up over a little thing like...like that.  Someone who has just as much confidence as you..." it still sounded funny, but it had to be a start.

Jack sat stubbornly with his back against the door, flat out refusing to move from his position.  He’d almost surely land flat on his back over the threshold of Elijah opened the door too quickly, but despite his wishes, he got the feeling the younger boy wasn’t about to do that.  The emotions rolling out of the room were still too strong and too jumbled.  Mixed in with it all was that strange feeling that Elijah referred to as ‘radiating’.  Jack didn’t have much experience with it, but he had enough to know Elijah rarely followed a logical train of thought when he started radiating.  Well, Elijah could do what he wanted and feel what he wanted.  Jack wasn’t about to move.  At the very least, Elijah would have to come out to use the bathroom.  The son of Venus wasn’t above accosting his boyfriend then.  He would do whatever it took to get his boyfriend to talk to him.

Jack sighed, but the suddenly held his breath.  He swore the door shook slightly.  Looking up at the door handle, he waited with bated breath, but it never turned.  It sat resolutely in the same position it had for the past couple of minutes.  Reaching up, the young man carefully turned it a little to the side.  Not surprisingly, it was still locked.  Whatever he had felt must have been his imagination.  He was still shut out on the outside, and Elijah was still closed up on the inside.  Frustrated, Jack stretched out one leg before leaning forward and resting his forehead on his other knee.  When had it come to this?  Better question, what had brought them here?  Everything had been perfect mere hours before.  Now it wasn’t.  Jack could read emotions, but he couldn’t read minds.  How was he supposed to know what was wrong?  Actually, he wasn’t sure he could even read emotions.  The pendant helped him feel others’ emotions, but it didn’t help him interpret them.

The emotions from the other side of the door seemed to be getting stronger.  It was so confusing and they changed so quickly, Jack didn’t even have time to identify any of them.  With a strangled cry, he tugged at the cord holding the pendant, and finally ripped it from his neck.  There was no denying it now.  He hated wearing the pendant around Elijah.  He always left it behind out of respect for his boyfriend, but now…now he could say that when he did wear it, the things he felt actually hurt.  Jack knew his boyfriend.  He knew him!  He could tell when he was upset.  He could tell when he needed to be held, when he needed to be kissed, or when he just needed some space.  So why couldn’t he tell what this was?  Venus’s gift was supposed to help him, not make things more difficult!

Elijah’s voice cut through the door and through Jack’s thoughts.  Despite his anger, the son of Venus smirked.  “I know,” he called back.  “But I’ve never gotten anywhere with you by giving up!”  Jack could have given up.  Gods, there were so many times he could have given up, but he was too stubborn for that.  Jack had pursued what he wanted from the very beginning.  Now he had a boyfriend he loved (albeit one who currently refused to talk to him), what he thought was a solid relationship, and more happiness than he could have dreamed of.  Had he not been so stubborn…he would only have a dark scar to show how much of a pansy he was.  No, the son of Venus was not giving up.  He was staying right there until Elijah told him what was wrong.

And Elijah did.  Sort of.  “I saw, you know.”  Jack narrowed his eyes as he listened.  Where was Elijah going with this?  So he had seen Jack with the nymph.  So what?  He knew what Jack was like.  He knew nothing was meant by his actions.  So what was the problem?  Why was it such a big deal?  Jack refused to jump in until Elijah explained himself.  The son of Venus couldn’t answer an ‘I saw you’ statement.  ‘I saw you’ didn’t explain the mess of emotions.  Little by little, Elijah spoke more, but Jack only got more and more skeptical.  He was sure Elijah had watched him get flirty before.  It wasn’t like he could help it!  It was just a part of who he was.  A simple ‘tone it down’ was all he needed to pull back.  The son of Discordia knew that!  Jack was never the best at verbal communication, but he knew when to follow a straightforward request.  There was more.  He was sure of it.  He continued to sit in silence, waiting for whatever else would come.

“Is your pendant on?”  Jack stared at the little silver heart in his hand, debating if he even wanted to put it back on or not.  Elijah knew Jack rarely wore it when they were together, so the fact that he was asking about it was important.  But it had hurt Jack.  Everything coming from his boyfriend had confused him and hurt him and he didn’t want to deal with it anymore.  It didn’t seem to matter if he put it on or not because Elijah just kept talking.  As he did, Jack squeezed the pendant in his fist.  He didn’t need it anymore.  Whatever Elijah was feeling would have gotten drowned in his own anger anyway.  The anger at Elijah’s words, both spoken and unspoken, bubbled up, threatening to burst.  Jack clenched his jaw, trying hard to hold it all in, but he couldn’t do it.  He turned sharply to face the door, just as it all came rushing forth.

“Fuck you, Elijah!” he shot back, much louder than he meant to.  “For thinking you’re worthless, for thinking I don’t deserve you!  You know what I deserve?  Nothing!  I use people!  I get what I want and I throw them away!  I destroy their self-esteem!  ‘Hey look, pretty boy Jack Wheelan is interested in me!  I must be something special!’  They’re not!  I use that confidence and cockiness to get what I want, and when I’m satisfied, I get rid of them!  But you!”  Jack paused, all of the words and thoughts clamoring to get out.  “You’re different!  You didn’t trip all over yourself to get at me!  You hit me!  You showed me that I couldn’t get away with what I was used to!  Believe me, if I was interested in somebody else, I would have gone after them by now.  Gods know I had plenty of opportunities!  I could have left you any number of times.  I could have run off with a nymph or another demigod.  Heck, I could have run away to New York City and found a whole community of sexy gay boys!  But you know what?  I don’t want any of them!  I don’t mean anything when I flirt with other people!  I only do it to get something out of them!  All I really want…all I’m really interested in is you!  You know what, you’re right.  I only deserve somebody with self-esteem and confidence.  I only deserve the people who are flirty and slutty and confident enough to use it to their advantage!  I don’t deserve you, the one guy who actually loves me and who keeps coming back for something real, but you’re the only one I want!  So fuck you for thinking you aren’t worth it!”

This wasn't happening...this couldn't be happening.  This inner battle...to open the door or not...to explode on Jack...to fix it or...let it go.  Was it possible that this relationship, the completely absurd match of Jack Wheelan and Elijah Emmanual, didn't have the future Elijah imagined?  Did they really only get ten months of happiness?  Elijah was hurting, and he didn't know how to deal with that.  Because this wasn't something that Jack could come to the rescue with.  Jack was on the other side of the door and the Praetor wasn't going to let him in this time.  This was one of those things he had to fix on his own.  A matter of his own insecurities that Jack couldn't kiss and make it better.  All the thoughts were making the boy dizzy.  Every emotion that started quickly short circuited, a new one taking its place.  Over and over and over...and his radiating.  It was getting worse and worse...Elijah could feel the heavy waves of chaos rolling off him, making the air thick and and electric.  It didn't effect Elijah...he could feel it, but it didn't choke him the way it did to others.  A child of Eris or Discordia radiating was never a good thing, especially when they sucked at chaos control like Elijah did.  Though the radiating wasn't easily controlled by anyone...it was just worse depending on who it was and how they were feeling.  The small boy wore his emotions on the outside proudly.  He didn't want to be like his sister...hiding and bottling.  Either way, radiating was the most useless Discordia power ever.  There were some things, like the ability to incite chaos through emotions, that the son of Discordia was proud to say he did quite well.  Radiating was barely controllable...it was pure chaos.  Of course a child of chaos would have a useless power governed by chaos.  Elijah knew he was radiating, and he was sure Jack could feel it too right now.

At Jack's words, Elijah chocked back a sob.  "And I'm grateful," the boy said softly, shifting slightly against the door.  Although he had wished things had started differently between him and Jack...and there were all those months where Jack persisted and Elijah shot him down every time.  As much as he would deny it, the small boy had always wanted Jack.  His mind drifted...he could remember the time leading up to their actual meeting.  The way Elijah would see the older boy around camp, strutting confidently and looking so handsome.  Ignoring the girls that followed him everywhere.  Too shy to approach the older boy, and knowing it would be a mistake anyway.  If someone had told Elijah that he would end up with Jack Wheelan, in love with Jack Wheelan, he would have laughed in their face.  Things like that didn't happen for people like Elijah.  And looking at the door, the small boy wondered if this really was it.  He had felt that way before.  When Jack found him a few days after Elijah had heard his boyfriend use the word love to explain something to Tac.  Elijah had been so sure that would be goodbye, and it wasn't.  So why was this time any different?  It was.  The small boy could feel it.  Maybe this time there was no reconciling any of this.  Elijah could hear Jack's words from that day...And this one isn’t even going to say vale.

But they couldn't keep going like this.  Elijah was panicking...he had no idea what to do.  Let Jack in?  Tell him to go away...maybe for good?  He could hear Jack's angry words and was still feeling lost.  Jack was angry.  Jack was definitely angry.  And Elijah didn't know how to fix that.  Probably because he was feeling more and more angry as time passed.  Listening to Jack talking about using people brought a flush to the boy's cheeks.  How could he be sure Jack wasn't doing that to him?  The older boy's words said otherwise, but Elijah didn't have a convenient little pendent to help figure out if Jack was being honest.  The anger was blurring the small boy's vision.  He had to be careful, or he would completely explode.  "You're a son of Venus!" the small boy finally burst angrily.  He could feel it in his stomach...anger...it had always been Elijah's default emotion.  Anger was safe.  Anger kept people away.  "You say I'm different, but I have no way of knowing that!  How do I know you don't say that to everyone else when I'm not looking?" ohGodsohGods this was bad.  This was everything going from bad to worse.  The son of Discordia was losing what little control he had.  He was hurting, and the boy had always dealt with hurt by throwing insults to hurt someone else.  Or breaking bones, or anything like that.  In his dizzily angry state, Elijah was saying things that he shouldn't be.  That he knew were just going to allow him to shut down.  And If Jack was going to say all of this...common sense was begging Elijah to just open the door and work things out.  Both of them were angry.  They needed to come to some sort of agreement and then kiss it better.

But life didn't work like that.  "Go away, Jack!" Elijah finally yelled.  "If you just want to get angry at me about my insecurities, you can go fuck yourself!" it didn't sound right, but there were tears in his eyes and a tightening in his throat.  And there was no proper way to go about it.  "I get scared...I guess I should even do that..." at this point, the boy was pretty sure the only reason he'd open the door would be to leave Jack a bloody and broken mess on the floor.  Elijah didn't want to see that, as much as he wished he could do it.  Jack didn't deserve to be on the wrong side of his boyfriend's temper.  Well, the physical part of it.  But he didn't need to be, because the small boy was ripping Jack to shreds anyway with his words.  At least, that was how it seemed.  "So go find one of those nymphs or other demigods or some damn community of sexy gay boys!  You've had plenty of opportunities to leave me?  Then go!  Why did you even bother to hang around this long?" angry words.  Words with knives.  Words that Elijah didn't really mean, but they were coming out anyway.  He was losing his grip...he was losing his grip on sanity and his grip on his boyfriend.  Jack was going to leave and that would be it.  "Don't bother anymore, Jack," Elijah's tone was low and dangerous and emotionless.  This was it.  Leaning his forehead against the door, the boy uttered a final word..."Vale," it was soft, but he knew Jack would hear.  Would the son of Venus remember that day in the woods where Elijah had brought it up first?  Would Jack know...would Jack leave?  Elijah moved away from the door, into a back corner.  He curled up in a fetal position, shutting his eyes and blocking out the world.

Jack sat on the other side of the door, grinding his teeth together.  He was angry.  He was beyond angry.  He could truly say he had never felt this way before.  He was the kind of guy who rolled with the punches.  He laughed things off and never let anything bother him.  But this.  This bothered him more than anything ever had before.  It made him upset and angry.  That anger boiled over, fueling the words pouring out of him.  He had never yelled at Elijah before, but now he was and he couldn’t stop.  The worst part was that he meant every word he said.  He was a jerk.  He was a terrible person.  But when he was with Elijah, everything felt okay.  Elijah was the one and only person he ever wanted.  But in this moment, Elijah was making things so much worse.  The son of Discordia was radiating.  It was rolling off of him in waves.  Thick, heavy waves that were slowly choking the son of Venus.  If it could have had a physical form, Jack was sure it would look something like bonfire smoke.

Jack squeezed his pendant tightly, grateful that it was metal.  If it was made of anything else, he was sure he would have broken it in his anger.  As it was, the imprint would probably be in his hand for the next week.  Breathing heavily after his outburst, he almost missed Elijah’s first words.  What he didn’t miss, however, were his next words.  Just when he thought he couldn’t get any angrier, Elijah proved him wrong.  “Don’t you get it?” Jack yelled back.  “You’re the only one I want!  You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted!  Why can’t you see that?  I’ve tried and tried and tried, but you still don’t have faith!  Gods, Elijah, how many times do I have to tell you?  I continually try to reassure you, but you never ever believe me!  Please just believe me this time!”

Ten months.  Jack honestly thought Elijah would have gotten it after all the time they had been together, but Elijah still doubted him.  The son of Discordia still doubted that Jack really, truly loved him.  What else was he supposed to do?  The son of Venus was not a verbal communicator, but he had put forth every effort to make his boyfriend understand the depth of his emotions.  Even after all of that, Elijah still didn’t have enough faith.  Jack was starting to wonder if he ever would.  Before he had a chance to say anything else, Elijah was yelling again.  If his other words had hurt, these ones were killing him.  He opened his mouth multiple times to respond, but couldn’t find the words.  Finally, he answered with two simple, soft sentences.  “You want me to go?  Fine, I’ll go.”  Getting to his feet, Jack walked quickly from the door.  Sometimes he felt like he didn’t belong in the Roman legion.  He didn’t train very hard, he had a very relaxed attitude, and he just didn’t care about much.  But in one way, he was Roman to the very core.  The Romans didn’t like to say good-bye.  That was one thing Jack refused to say, and this time, he wasn’t even going to say vale.