Picking up the threads of an old life ((Calix))

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Picking up the threads of an old life ((Calix))

Post by Guest on Mon Aug 26, 2013 6:48 pm

Lúthien had brought in her things from the barracks a while ago. She and Calix, they were now living together and although it was both old and new, Lúthien still wasn't sure how she felt about it. How she felt about half the things in her life. Today she'd decided to sort things out, once and for all. Or rather, that was what she told herself. She simply couldn't do it though. She stared at the suitcase and the clothes in it and could do nothing but ask herself questions about everything that happened. "Erzähl mir eine Geschichte." She muttered to the pieces of cloth as she held them and let the fabrics run through her fingers. Where in all this mess was her story, her past? Lúthien picked up a little black box, opening it to find that familiar glass globe holding her favourite flower. "Edelweiß." She said softly and with a bright smile as she picked up another small item she'd found. "I forgot your name." She said as she looked at the small flower hairpin that she knew to transform to a fabulous lochaber axe. "I'll rename you Nessie." She told it, putting it back in her hair where it had always belonged. Her bow and gladius were also noted, although they got no extra attention from Lúthien. In fact, after Nessie, nothing got her attention, as she yet again closed the suitcase and stuffed it away, wondering and brooding on her past. 

Lúthien sighed, closed her eyes and pushed away the tears once again. Somewhere deep down in her heart she knew that what she really needed was to go back to Austria and talk to her parents. To sort things out about who she was and had been and be reminded of the love her adoptive parents had for her. To remember the places where she'd grown up, as more than just one thing nagged in the back of her mind. It wasn't just the lack of memories. She still remembered the places she'd spent a lot of time as a child. The woods where she'd learnt the skills with her bow and where she'd sometimes spent several days in a row living. The little streams she used to play around in that led to bigger streams and rivers in the beautiful nature that had surrounded her. The mines her father had worked in as speleotherapist and the fragile looking humans and children he'd cared for. How they always seemed to look better after those session and how Lúthien often snuck off into the different parts of the mines, at times spending hours on end staring at the statue of the woman with the vase with seeds. Trivia perhaps? Somebody powerful had cursed those mines but how they did something good rather than just grant the beauty of silver. They healed people. Still the curse upon those mines the idea of the water below her feet made the girl stare around in wonder. And going up to one of the exits to find the wildlife, the spiders mostly. They were hanging around in a strange place but they did well. It was a place of life and of death. Balance.

Then, as if her adoptive parents didn't give her enough questions yet, her near death had sparked another question. A question about the earliest moments of her life. The place where she was from and how much of that still lived. Her grandparents, who were they and were they still alive? Was she truly Austrian or was it possible she had different roots? Her father had given her that Edelweiß but that didn't say a lot about him as a person. "Wer sind Sie?" She muttered softly, "Wo bist du?" She sighed and put the little globe down on the night stand. She longed to know who she was but somehow she couldn't just find out. More than anything, she missed Calix right now. Even if he just distracted her, he always made her feel better, loved. Lúthien went to lie on the bed and closed her eyes, imagining her lover was there with her to hold her and make the nightmares go away. The ring around her neck seemed to radiate warmth when she felt chilled to the bone every time she woke up, a scream on her lips that never escaped. A reminder that she needed to wake him up and he'd hold her in his arms until the nightmares were long since gone and forgotten. Knowing it was possible was usually enough to make them fade to the background, be forgotten. Lúthien smiled slightly, closing her eyes and slowly drifting off to sleep. She was a near permanent state of tired and the nightmares did nothing to help. They just haunted her.

From a little out of reach the skeletal face peered down at Lúthien. A piercing pain shot through her entire body and a soundless scream was on her lips. Her vision tainted red with her own blood as she saw the knife cut into her own flesh repeatedly. Searching and blinding pain while from the tree tops a young face peered down with frightened eyes. She had Calix's hair but when the shade looked at her she always disappeared, almost as if she'd never been there. The shapes evaporated as a young man with dark hair like her own raced into the clearing, sword at the ready and that strong determined look in his eyes Lúthien was now familiar with. He always charged in for battle and seemed hardened by life. It made Lúthien sad somehow but he always reserved a smile for him, right before the darkness took him away. The darkness always told her it would be haunting her, no matter how good life seemed to get. It destroyed the girl, the young man and it always took everything she had away from her until nothing but darkness remained. Just like this time.

Lúthien woke with a start and sat up in the bed, instantly feeling his arms wrapped around her. She smiled and leaned her head against him and took a few breaths to steady herself. "He was there again. Took away the girl and the soldier. Everything veiled in darkness but nothing will cut through it. All lights disappear until I'm left alone in the darkness with nothing but pain to keep me company. I never want to go back there. I'm scared." She said and tears ran down her face as she buried her head in his chest, wrapping her arms around him. He'd make the nightmares fade, as he always did. Her eyes opened slightly and they soon fell on the gift from her father. "Tell me about your father. What was he like? I find memories of my parents to be slipping through my fingers. I can't take hold of them. I know I can't drop everything and go visit them but that's what I wish I could do. Get to talk to them again. Get my memories back for a little again. I guess it's not as easy as I thought to pick up the threads of an old life and go on like nothing happened." She said, ending in a silent whisper. No, it wasn't easy and it wouldn't get easy. She had to talk to her adoptive parents and find Amroth Anárion, her father. Her biological father. Dead or alive, she had to know what he'd been like. The final piece of the puzzle, so to speak.

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Re: Picking up the threads of an old life ((Calix))

Post by Guest on Wed Aug 28, 2013 10:33 pm

Calix found himself with a small spring in his step for the last few weeks ever since he’d heard the flute song again. Granted, the days right after the encounter with the mysterious Melody Perdita left the Praetor more confused and distraught than anything else, almost to the point where he kept himself in his room once more (a line he never crossed again, of course) to gather his thoughts. Melody’s promise to see him again in the Principia nearly became lost in the confines of his mind. But everything righted itself at that meeting and that day Calix had his girlfriend in his arms again. Ever since then, Calix had this light in his eyes and something very close to a smile on his face no matter what he did. The Praetor tried to keep the utmost amount of professionalism in his everyday life but, the second he saw Lúthien again, he dropped all pretenses and grinned as wide as he could. It might have been an expression and a practice the majority of the Legion wasn’t used to, and Calix told himself that it would fade once he’d gotten used to seeing her on a daily basis again, but he couldn’t help himself! And he didn’t want to take Lúthien’s presence for granted ever again. Every night, he tried to move through his paperwork quicker so he could spend more time with her in his room: talking, cuddling, and just being together. That, like most things, was easier said than done, and Calix even found himself setting some papers aside for the next day. The reports would always be there. Lúthien…

He loved her. Honestly, properly loved her and would do anything in his power to protect her. The thought nearly made the Praetor laugh. If he ever voiced that aloud he could imagine the look on Lúthien’s face. She didn’t need protecting, she constantly told him. So Calix would keep that desire in the back of his mind and let his actions speak instead of his words. All joking left him to be replaced with a very familiar somber silence and seriousness that did its best to try and worm into his head once more. But, for the first time in months, Calix fought hard against it. He had her again. And that’s all that mattered. Just the thought of it sent this sent the shadows away in a bright beam of light and a wave of joy washed through him. After their reunion, Calix asked Lúthien to make her home in the Principia, and she accepted much to his happiness. Now she was the first thing he saw when he woke up and the last thing he saw before drifting off to sleep. He always held her close or slept as close as he possibly could next to her. Even though his love had come back to him, it didn’t automatically mean that everything went back to normal. Lúthien didn’t just disappear. She was kidnapped and hidden. Tortured and spirited away across the world. Her memory taken away. Her entire slate cleared. Calix saw hints of the daughter of Discordia regaining her memory. Sometimes in simple things like when he kissed her or when she beckoned him away from his work. But unfortunately it also came in much more unpleasant forms such as nightmares.

Being a Legacy, while it meant that his line was slowly becoming diminished, did have its perks. One of them being that he had a far less chance of getting the nightmares that his father and his ancestors before him received. Calix recalled earlier in his and Lúthien’s relationship when she came to him in the middle of the night with a fear. A fear that ultimately came true. That was the first night that he and Lúthien spent together with him fighting off the bad dreams like he should have fought the real threat. Calix’s mind had been clear enough back then to do this. He slept with the sole purpose of deterring her nightmares because he never had any to worry about himself. But that all changed after… what happened. Even when Lúthien was still around, Calix noticed that he always slept a little bit better with her by his side. He understood at the time that sometimes she couldn’t, but he still managed. But with her gone… Calix sometimes looked at her and wondered how he survived. Calix tossed and turned when he’d trudged dejectedly back to the Principia after a night of running through the forest, trying to track footprints that didn’t exist. Yelling himself hoarse, getting cuts and bruises all throughout his body. And when his exhausted body finally gave in… the nightmares started.

Calix didn’t think he’d ever experienced anything like the nightmares. Nothing as terrifying or devastating or with the ability to make Calix jump up in bed and clutch as his heart with his breath coming quick and the shadows still closing in even in reality. So Calix tried not to sleep. He kept himself up until he was forced to take the walk through the now-familiar shadow filled path and re-live the same horrors he did every night. With the help of a Greek daughter of Morpheus, Calix’s nightmares became diluted. The pain lessened substantially. But in the end he always became confronted with the same problem, the same obstacle… himself. To this day Calix would stare up at the monstrous form of himself and break down. But he didn’t hang around long enough to witness himself falling into a pit. He’d wake up, normally, silently and curse himself. But now he couldn’t afford to get caught up in his own mind. He had to protect Lúthien again. From nightmares more than likely ten times worse than his. So that night he slept close to her, hoping that the proximity would remind him of his purpose and his promise to keep her safe. But Calix ended up back at the beginning of his nightmare. Calix was halfway down the path, having seen the blonde-haired girl and dark-haired young boy with the harp when he felt a shift next to him.

Immediately Calix woke and gathered Lúthien in his arms. She fell into him, and Calix began to mumble into her hair soothingly, telling her that it was ok and he was there and nothing would hurt her. He listened to her recount the story. About the girl. The same girl Calix saw in his dreams. The thought would have made the Praetor smile if she hadn’t been stolen away. But the image of the soldier seemed new. He only knew the girl and the musician. And the same darkness that she described. Calix clutched her tighter when she began to cry. Lúthien returned his embrace, and Calix leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “It’s alright, Lúthien. I’m here, I’m here.” Her next question caught him off guard though, and it took a while for him to formulate a response. “My father? He was rather severe having trained me from a young age. Very strong and stoic. Clearly a great soldier and Praetor in his day…” Now Calix understood her motivation. Her parents. In Austria. Calix pulled away only the slightest bit so he could look Lúthien in her gorgeous green eyes. The eyes of the blonde girl. “I know, my love,” he murmured. “You could always write. I know I kept in correspondence throughout the last few months…” It was something the Praetor made himself do. He didn’t add too much detail in his letters to Lúthien’s parents but did inform them that she was ‘missing’. “I am sure they could shed some light… and you also told me a few things about your past there…”

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Re: Picking up the threads of an old life ((Calix))

Post by Guest on Mon Sep 09, 2013 3:02 pm

Picture perfect. Smiling at the camera and looking nothing but perfect. Smooth skin, beautiful eyes, thin but not skinny and curves in all the right places. The exact right clothes and glossy hair flowing down like a river. Straight white teeth and a generally likeable personality. Picture perfect. Lúthien figured she could have pulled part of it off in the past. Perhaps not perfect but at least something that looked right. She used to have a smooth skin but now it was covered in ugly white lines. Broken, ugly and ruined. She was actually happy about her eyes, although they'd never held that friendliness or joy that belonged with that picture perfect person. Her body was fine, although not extremely impressive. It was good enough. She wore the wrong clothes but her hair was right. Just her personality and those details that threw everything down a cliff and into utter ruin.

Lúthien didn't know what was worse though. Having her memories back or having to hide her true feelings to keep from hurting those she cared about. As soon as Calix wrapped his arms around her, comforting her, Lúthien felt guilt wash over her in waves. He meant everything to her but somehow she was unable to tell him just how wrong everything was. She wasn't even sure she was happy to be back with all the memories that were haunting and torturing her. At time she wished that she'd never found camp again. Not knowing had been troublesome, annoying and very unpleasant but nothing compared to the pain of knowing her past. The hurt and the loss were greater than not knowing what was going on. Perhaps a completely new and fresh start had been a better thing but the memories had returned, leaving her feeling gutted as her boyfriend told her things would be okay. If only she could let him know what was going on, but he was so happy to have her back that she simply couldn't make herself tell him how much being back hurt her. Maybe he already knew but confirmation would do him no good. He'd suffered enough because of her.

Or maybe it was something else, that desire to keep things private. Maybe she hoped something would change, or maybe she just didn't care any more. She dragged herself through the days and kept going but she wasn't quite sure why. Even looking at Calix and seeing how happy he was didn't exactly make things better. She was tired, drained even. Sleeping wasn't even an escape with the constant nightmares. There was no escape from the horrors, no possibility to make the bad things go away. Guilt kept her from telling her lover. Guilt that she hadn't told him before as well as guilt for making him worry and feel bad. She still managed, kept up with herself despite everything but she didn't really want to do that. She wanted to forget again, to start anew and wonder where the scars came from. To hear the stories without remembering the pain that went with them. To be blissfully unaware again.

But Calix spoke and for a moment Lúthien could set herself aside and listen to his voice. He was thoughtful and Lúthien calmed down a bit as he recalled his father. It was a short moment but it was enough for Lúthien. Enough to remember the pain and sorrow was not a permanent thing.  It was an escape and Lúthien embraced it. She smiled and chuckled through her tears. "He sounds like a great man. I wish I could meet him." Lúthien said. Some small part of her remembered talking about their plans for the future and how nice that had felt. Meeting his father was a future thing, part of furthering their relationship. Meeting the parents and maybe in a few years they'd actually seriously consider getting their own place to live or something. Move in together, maybe get married. There was a chance she'd live long enough. A big enough chance for her to take it. Perhaps she could live her happily ever after. It was worth a try at least. Hope, that was what she needed.

"I don't even remember them." She whispered softly. It was a painful truth to admit. She felt like even Calix himself knew her parents better than she did these days. It was a sad truth but Lúthien knew that her parents really loved her and they would help her build that bond they'd had once again. If they didn't love her enough for that, they would have kicked her out years ago, when her troublesome nature had started to come out. She looked up at Calix with eyes that were still wet from the tears of before. "Can I go visit them? Maybe not now but later? I just want to meet them again. It feels horrible that I can't even remember them properly after all they've done for me." She said, hoping Calix would allow her to go and find her past at some point. She hoped that those memories would bring something good back, something that would compensate for the less pleasant part. Maybe that would be enough for her to remember the value of her life and give her joy in living it again because right now, the joy was mostly missing. She needed to find that again.

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Re: Picking up the threads of an old life ((Calix))

Post by Guest on Sat Sep 14, 2013 4:45 pm

Calix felt saddened and a bit helpless as he held Lúthien close. He had a slight flashback to the first time she was in his bed and in his embrace. She’d come to him in the middle of the night, fearing the darkness of her nightmares. With just his touch he frightened those demons away and Lúthien slept soundly. As far as his knowledge knew, he walked with her in her dreams and fought off the nightmares. She was fully relaxed in his arms and they slept the night through, each night absolutely perfect as long as they were together. Now they’d been thrown back to square one with a whole new host of nightmares to deal with. But Calix was as determined as ever to keep them back. Lúthien had been through enough as it was. She didn’t deserve any more pain, and, whenever necessary, would take the pain for her. He hoped that somehow hugging her would do just that, transfer the pain to him so she might be able to sleep soundly. That didn’t seem to be the case. He kept his embrace light enough but circled his arms completely around her in a protective shell. Hopefully she remembered. Hopefully she remembered that while she was with him, nothing would happen to her. He wondered if she recalled what it felt like to be held by him. Or if everything ever since they first met was a new experience. If Calix’s nth kiss with her on the hill where they reunited was her first all over again. Because at times it felt as if their entire relationship started from scratch. Not that Calix minded. He’d be more than happy to fall in love with her again..

A hand on her back moved to her shoulder and down, finding a small white scar there. One of many he’d seen on her arms and legs. He traced the mark lightly and found a few more going down her arm. He remembered when her skin was flawless, smooth and beautiful. But the scars didn’t change his opinion on that at all. He touched each scar that he found and kissed her shoulder lightly. Did she know where the scars came from? Did those memories return to her yet? She told him that she saw darkness. But no skeletons. No blood or his crying face as she ‘died’ in his arms.  It was one last hope that Calix had. He’d help the other nightmares fade away; perhaps bring the happy version of the blonde girl in her dreams. See her hug Lúthien and call her mother… but he couldn’t do anything about returning memories. What would happen once they returned? If Calix could help it, he’d keep that pain as far away as possible. His hand found hers and he intertwined them, stroking the back of her hand, lips still close to her ear. He had to start preparing himself for the questions once the memories did come back. How did he comfort her once the tears became the product of events that actually conspired instead of something the mind concocted.

He pulled back to look at her fully again. Seeing the tears shimmering in her eyes, the Praetor reached up and wiped them away with a sad smile. “Don’t cry, my love,” he whispered and gently pressed his forehead against hers. Something as simple as a few tears staining her face sent a sharp pain through his chest. A thought Calix constantly had ever since Lúthien returned to him crossed his mind: What if she never left? What if they never had to start over again? Where did that put them? What stage of the relationship would they be entering? Maybe Lúthien would be getting ready to meet his father. It only seemed natural in the direction that Calix assumed they were going. Were. Now dropped back to square one. In some aspects at least. Lúthien did live with him now after all. “You will. I think he’d like you a lot as will my mother.” He could see the meeting now. His mother asking her every few seconds if she wanted anything and commenting on how pretty she is and how Calix was lucky to have snagged someone like her (which he was more than glad to agree with) while his father would ask questions and simply look her over. In the end it would be a good amount better than Calix’s meeting with her parents.

Calix closed his eyes and sighed, still with his forehead on Lúthien’s. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. What else could he say? Calix wanted to help so much more. His hands still rested on her face, trying to keep more tears from falling. Calix hesitated for the slightest moment when she asked if she could go and visit them. He ended up nodding. “Of course you can, Lúthien… whenever you like.” He smiled and moved a strand of hair from her face. “I am going to miss you when you do.” Something that didn’t exactly need to be said. He turned his eyes away from her and looked down at their hands. The arm around her waist moved up to her neck where it rested on one of her new tattoos. He looked at that as well before trailing it in the same way his other hand did, stopping over each scar before taking her hand. She was still flawless, beautiful and absolute perfection to him.

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Re: Picking up the threads of an old life ((Calix))

Post by Guest on Wed Sep 18, 2013 3:24 pm

He told her not to cry and Lúthien actually managed to force her tears back. A strange part of her had figured out a plan. If she wasn't happy, she'd live of the happiness of others. She'd do anything to keep Calix happy and smiling so that she was assured something was going right. His joy brought her enough joy to keep going, to keep fighting the darkness. She'd let it win once, when she'd had nothing to fight for while it offered her something to fight against. She had needed that and for a while she'd been satisfied with having that purpose. For a while it had seemed to be the better plan. She had burned brightly for a short while but when she'd found love, a new part of her life had started. That part still continued although Lúthien was quite sure it wasn't exactly like before. Now that she felt more dead than alive she wasn't being fair to Calix. It wasn't fair to keep him clueless but she couldn't make herself do the right thing. He deserved better than a broken girl, a shadow of the person she'd once been. She needed him too much to do the right thing. And yet he didn't seem to mind, he still loved her as much as before. Maybe he needed her just as much as she needed him, no matter how broken she was. 

When he said his parents would probably like her a lot, Lúthien smiled again. "You met my parents once right? Tell me how that went? And tell me more. Tell me about your parents, what they are like. I want to at least feel like I know something." She begged of him, eager to find out more about his past with her, more about her own past by knowing what her parents were like. She didn't even know what her parents did for a living. What did they do to earn a living? They were out there, somewhere. She just needed to find them again. She was lost in the darkness, hoping for a sign. Something to tell her it was time to go home, it was what her heart longed for. Still part of her felt she couldn't just leave camp. Not just because she wasn't fully sure if she'd been forgotten yet by the one wanting to kill her. If he still wanted her dead she'd probably be handing him a golden opportunity by leaving camp. Believing that was like a cage though and Lúthien had never been one that allowed herself to easily be confined. Even if somebody had thrown her in jail, she'd play games of the mind to show people she refused to break. She'd keep her power and wouldn't fall to them. To stay somewhere out of fear she could die otherwise was something that didn't settle in well with Lúthien. She knew that even if he waited outside, she'd walk out knowingly and without regrets if she would end up dead. 

When he said he was sorry, Lúthien shook her head. "Don't be. You saved me, that is nothing to be sorry about." She murmured lovingly, smiling despite herself. She looked down at their joined hands and squeezed his for a moment. She loved him more than words could tell. She knew he was aware of that and that thought was a comfort. Despite the fact she didn't have to say a word, she could and would still tell him, remind him, that her love for him hadn't faded. "I love you." She muttered softly, smiling and finally feeling the last cold drift off, the nightmare faded to a mere memory. She felt tired again but at peace. Still there was the guilt that was starting to take her over. Guilt for what she had done to lead her down a path that caused the one she loved so much pain. "I'm sorry.." She whispered, gathering herself so she could say what needed to be said. "I'm sorry for hurting you by my choices. In all my bitterness toward my mother I ignored all that's real and true. All I need is you. I'll never forget that again, I promise." She said, kissing him and taking comfort from the fact he still had his arms around her. Everything about this moment was perfect and true. These were the moments Lúthien lived for, held on to something she otherwise considered lost.  

"I'll go soon. I need to see them." Lúthien said determined. She soon smiled though, looking at Calix with pure adoration on her face as he wiped that rebellious strand of hair from her face. He said he'd miss her and she chuckled. "I'll miss you too, my love." She said with a smile. He knew that this was just something that had to be done. It was part of getting back into the swing of things. Picking of the threads of an old life was harder than Lúthien had anticipated and rarely rewarding. She hoped that visiting her parents would bring some of the good things back, as she was really starting to lose faith. Calix then moved, tracing his fingers over her new tattoos and the many scars on it. Lucky to be alive, the thing that those tattoos were supposed to remind her of. That and the one line that had haunted her since first she'd read it. 'when words fail, music speaks.' It had been true for her for as long as she could remember and it felt like even before that, music had been a way for the daughter of Discordia to say all the things she had no words for. There was one lucky thing about Calix though, he spoke just as little as she did, leading to silence as a comfortable thing, even now.

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Re: Picking up the threads of an old life ((Calix))

Post by Guest on Sun Sep 29, 2013 5:19 pm

Calix wanted nothing but the best for Lúthien. After all that had happened over the past months, he’d give anything and everything to see her smile again. So when the tears disappeared from her eyes a wave of relief washed over him and another weight fell off of his heart. But it’d always hover in the case that Lúthien ever felt even the slightest inkling of sadness. It wasn’t anything that the Praetor could dispel completely in an instant but a work in progress. A slow and delicate process that he treated with the utmost care. But for now the weight had lifted, and he allowed himself a small smile. His hands came up to cup her face. He stared deep into her eyes. Calix hoped it was only the trick of the light, the dimmer shine to her eyes and the changes in her face from before what Calix had come to call that night the Incident to presently. These transformations showed Calix the trials Lúthien had undergone in the three months of her disappearance: waking up with no identity and then rebuilding one only to have it torn down and replaced with the history she barely remembered. Calix couldn’t imagine what Lúthien was going through, slowly regaining these memories and could only hope that it wasn’t painful. But even with the softer light, the ink on her skin and the white lines scattered around her body, Calix thought she was downright beautiful and that caused him to feel happy and warm. She was there with him, in his arms, and she’d never leave.

But perhaps she’d stop talking to him if he told her the purpose of his visiting her parents almost a year ago. Calix didn’t want to keep secrets from Lúthien, but at the same time he didn’t want to cause her any more pain. Would admitting to her that he was once unfaithful assuage her curiosity or make her move away from him and bring back those feelings of guilt and hopelessness that the Praetor experienced New Year’s Eve? But she hadn’t asked about the circumstances of his visit. Calix brought his hands back down and interlaced their fingers, smiling at her. “It went well if I do say so myself.”He chuckled. “Your father didn’t gut me with his knife. But I think it was your mother who saved me from that fate.” He thought further. “They were very kind. Hospitable. And I think they knew how much I loved you. As I’m sure my parents also know. I did abandon the Legion for you after all.” The laugh that followed that statement was weaker and a bit shakier than previous, but he didn’t let that deter him. Calix smiled with his lips just to reassure her. “In fact, I haven’t spoken to my father ever since that night.” He still had a small stack of letters from his father on his desk that he refused to open. Calix predicted what he’d find in the letters: Accusations about his love for the daughter of Discordia being more important than his duty. Accusations that Calix wouldn’t deny.

He often thought of what to say once he did decide to write back. As much as Calix wanted to, he couldn’t ignore his father forever. He only hoped that his father respected his decisions as Praetor and understood his reason for retreating into his room for three months. The latter was a hope that Calix tried to downplay because if Calix knew his father at all, he knew that Joshua Kiril would do all he could to make sure that he had the notion that he failed the Legion for his selfish purposes. And for the longest time, Calix also had this belief. Until Bellona herself had a quick exchange with him. The goddess only spoke a few words to her legacy but they had a substantial impact on him. Especially when she told him that it was possible to be loyal to two things at once. Something that Calix will strongly inform his father of. It gave him room to breathe but, in no way, justified Calix leaving Elijah all alone to run the Legion (something he still felt very guilty for doing), but it assured him that he’d never have to choose. If he had to however…

No, Calix did have something to be sorry about. But he didn’t voice his opinion just yet, savoring the loving look in Lúthien’s eyes and knowing that everything was slowly falling back into place again. Calix knew he had no direct powers over his girlfriend’s nightmares, but he did feel glad that after a few words and kisses he saw the usual light in her face. Maybe not at the same brightness, but it was still there, and Calix felt determined to keep it as long as possible. At her proclamation of love, Calix brightened as well, smiling in a way that no one but her saw. But immediately after her demeanor changed once more into one of sadness and she reciprocated his apology, causing the Praetor to shake his head silently as she spoke. The slight frown on his face remained even when she kissed him which he returned wholeheartedly. “Don’t apologize. As long as you’re here with me now…” Calix didn’t care about the past. What he wanted to think on was the future. His future. Their future. But to start into the future, Lúthien needed to complete the puzzle of her past. And that required her leaving… going to Austria to meet with her parents. After all that had happened, it was only natural that Calix fear her travelling with the threat of Pluto still hanging over her head. Calix cursed himself, wondering why he agreed to her going so easily. “When will you leave?” He asked quietly. “I want to spend as much time with you as I can.”

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Re: Picking up the threads of an old life ((Calix))

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